Stephen - Stopped Gambling 1st November 2019

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Aum
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My apologies to those who are suffering from or have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I meant no offence in my earlier post when I pointed out the futility of hanging on to painful memories of traumatic events.

I was actually referring to my own predicament which is completely different as I am only suffering from shame, remorse, loneliness and regret which has been brought about by my own selfishness, greed and immaturity.

However, knowing nothing about PTSD will not stop me writing a little rhyme about it:

 

Fear rules the roost if given free reign

Emotional anarchy numbs the brain

 

Avoidance of truth, people and places

Sleepless visions of sad empty faces

 

What is the answer and how does one cope

The inner child needs love so please do not lose hope

 

This post was modified 4 years ago 2 times by Aum
 
Posted : 18th November 2019 12:22 am
signalman
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Posted by: Stephen The Virtuous

My apologies to those who are suffering from or have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I meant no offence in my earlier post when I pointed out the futility of hanging on to painful memories of traumatic events.

Hi stephen

I thought that within the context of gambling addiction, the point you highlighted was insightful and helped me to think positively in that moment and for the remainder of my day?

Nice poem (as always) by the way! ?

 
Posted : 18th November 2019 7:15 pm
DramaLlama
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Just seen your last post. Sounds like a misunderstanding on my part and I apologise. Hope you are well. 

Drama x

 
Posted : 18th November 2019 7:24 pm
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Many thanks Signalman & DramaLlama for visiting my diary.

 

Hello Diary. 

I was at dentist this morning. One of my back teeth was prepared for a crown which will be fitted in a couple of weeks. My teeth are looking a bit worse for wear but they have served me well over the years.

Tonight I got my yoga mat out and headed off for a meditation (to be accompanied by drums) which I had been told would be held tonight at a nearby community centre. By chance the caretaker walked up when I was trying the door handle and advised me, not very politely, that it was held on a Wednesday night. 

 

17 days 17 nights gamble-free and rocking

Cast adrift for many a year but now my ship is docking

I name my trusted vessel the good ship "Worry Free"

For things that would have wound me up no longer bother me

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by Aum
 
Posted : 18th November 2019 11:36 pm
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I was extremely pleased today upon learning that Halifax debit cards can now be programmed so that they cannot be used for gambling transactions.

 

No more card to bookies for their money grabbing machines

No more living on porridge with a slice of bread and beans

No more pulling hair out or screaming at the moon

On the road to a better life and I will get there soon

 

 

 
Posted : 19th November 2019 11:49 pm
Livelysoul
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Hi Stephen

well done on 17 days gf. Shame about the yoga class but I guess you now have something to look forward to tomorrow evening. 

Couldn't agree more. It’s about time the big banks did a little more to help us with being able to put blocks in place. I hope this will really help you moving forward. I changed to Monzo for that reason and although it hasn’t stopped me altogether, between that and Gamstop it certainly has limited any damage. 

Keep it up. 

Bex

 
Posted : 19th November 2019 11:59 pm
Aum
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Thankyou for visiting my diary Lonelysoul, I hope you have had a good day.

Went to the meditation with drums/bongos class but it wasn't tonight after all. However, the lady who had suggested it was there tonight as part of a drumming circle and they let me join in with them. It was a lot of fun so all's well that ends well. 

It's a bit chilly tonight but thankfully I am sat with a hot drink in front of the fire.

 

 
Posted : 20th November 2019 11:28 pm
Livelysoul
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Posts: 403
 

Hi Stephen

Thank you the poem you left on my diary - it made me smile! 

Glad you had a good evening filled with fun. Emotionally feeling a bit better the more days between me and my last slip but I’m suffering really bad with my back today so that’s not so good, although I find coping with physical pain is still better then emotional. At least I can take some strong pain killers to ease it. 

Sounds so cosy sitting in front of the fire on a cold winter’s evening. The simple things eh? Enjoy your hot drink and another day gf.

Bex

 
Posted : 20th November 2019 11:45 pm
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Many thanks Bex for posting on my diary. I hope your back is on the mend and you are feeling ok in yourself.

I read your diary earlier and admire your intention of putting money on a supermarket gift card. That has been a lifesaver to me on several occasions.

 

Hello Diary 

Many mees before today felt lonely and forlorn

Questioning on dark sad days why had I been born

But all the future mees will be happy as can be

For I am on day 20 of a life that's gamble free

This post was modified 4 years ago by Aum
 
Posted : 21st November 2019 1:35 pm
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I alone will decide whether I shouldn't or should

Act on thoughts and ideas seemingly bad or real good

 

Gambling thoughts may arise of machines and jockeys on rides

But I am the ruler of this life and I am the one who decides

 

A time to stand up and be counted and that is just what I plan

With courage hope and a smile on my face I will do the best that I can

 

 

 

 
Posted : 22nd November 2019 9:22 pm
Livelysoul
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Posts: 403
 

Hi Stephen

Thank you for stopping by my diary and for your support. 

I hope you have a good day. The idea of putting money on the gift card was partly from reading your diary and seeing you use it for your groceries. I think it is a really good failsafe to at least make sure to be fed and watered so to speak. Especially with Christmas round the corner. I have never been a fan of Christmas due to too many bad memories but the one thing that is important to me is to make sure we have lots of nice food, treats and things we wouldn’t usually have as they are a little extravagant. I’m not fussed about presents or decorations so the gift card will make sure this is for-filled.

How are you doing generally? Have you got many plans for this weekend?

Heres to another day gf.

Bex

 

 

 
Posted : 23rd November 2019 1:22 am
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Thank you for posting on my diary Bex.

I appreciate your support and encouragement.

Wishing you a good weekend of rest and relaxation. Hope your back is feeling better.

 

Hello Diary.

I am going to a Shakespearean kind of play later in an old refurbished fruit warehouse. Very atmospheric. I have watched the actors rehearsing a few times over the last week and it looks amazing. It also has a disc jockey and is advertised as a bit of a rave. Should be great fun and I hope they get good audiences. (4-30 & 8-00 The Unit, Humber Street, Hull.) Five pounds on the door or tickets through eventbrite.

I just received a brief text from my sister thanking me for the birthday card I sent a few days ago. Bit of a surprise really seeing as how she has ignored me for several months, ever since I borrowed money off her after a gambling loss. I paid her back over the following two months so I don't understand her strange attitude.

 

 
Posted : 23rd November 2019 12:39 pm
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Excellent weekend.

The play I attended yesterday was great fun.

Telephoned my sister today which was good and I am going to stay with her and her husband for Christmas and New Year and visit my nephews and nieces.

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by Aum
 
Posted : 24th November 2019 8:18 pm
DramaLlama
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Posts: 920
 

I love going to plays Stephen. Your post has made me smile. One of the best things about going through CBT a few years back is now being comfortable with being a public space and being able to enjoy plays. I haven't been this year but I reckon I'm gonna put it on my list of things to do now I'm not gambling. 

Thank you for sharing and inspiring me. 

Drama x

 
Posted : 24th November 2019 10:46 pm
Livelysoul
(@livelysoul)
Posts: 403
 

Hi Stephen

Glad you enjoyed your play! I’ve only ever been to one myself and that was many moons ago. I have been thinking about creating a list of things I’d like to do that either I have never done, like go to a festival or music concert, or things that I haven’t done for many years due to me gambling. Plays will be added to that list. 

 

Thats is great news about chatting with your sister and even nicer, that you will get to spend time with your family over Christmas. I’m so pleased for you?. Memories are so much more important than money can ever buy. 

Hope you have a good week and another day gf down. Keep going strong. 

Bex

 

 
Posted : 25th November 2019 12:59 am
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