Stephen - Stopped Gambling 1st November 2019

Good to see you enjoying life for what it is. Am a little worried for the end of the month when urges will possibly strike when you get some funds ?

Have you got any plan in place to help yourself? A plan is always a welcome distraction from possible disaster.

Stay safe, take it easy & thanks for your posts.. 

S&B xx

Hi Stephen. Have you self excluded from all of the bookies that you use so you cannot play the fobt machines? They are my downfall. Even though I have self excluded and nit played one for a few weeks I will always be addicted to roulette so I cannot play it. For years I have fooled myself that I can have a little break and go back in and be fine. No I cant. Call the central self exclusion team on 0800 294 2060. Really good help. I barred myself from over 60 outlets from my area to further afield so I'm not able to go in to one miles away. You have to do it. Think of a crying bookies manager losing their job because less and less people go in. And imagine the boards going up when they close down. Sod them.

Thank you Sandra & No Problem for your support and encouragement.

I am self excluded from over 40 betting shops but I will add some more next week and hopefully when the end of the month comes I will not do anything stupid.

Hello Diary.

All is well with me today.

Apologies to Drama because in my last post I spelt your name Drana and when I noticed my mistake it was too late to change it.

Hi Stephen, sorry I’ve been away (not been too well). Have been reading your diary regularly and loving the ditties and determination. I’ve had my moments too, but No excuses - I’m back on the horse! Take care, Mixer

Hello Mixer. Great to see you are still amongst us and feeling positive. Sorry to read you have been having health issues and hope they are now resolved. 

I have had a few hiccups along the way but I do believe that I have finally seen the light and am now 10 days into my new gamble-free life.

There may be days of sadness but I can live with that 

Looking at the heavens I smile and tip my hat - (Mixer Expression)

When things go wrong as they sometimes do and all is higgledy piggledy

I laugh and smile or sing a song to make the world jolly and jiggerly

Hi Stephen

Hope life is treating you well. Give us an update of how you're doing. Been a while now.

All the best - S&B xx

Thank you Sandra for visiting my diary. 

All is well is my world. I went earlier to watch the Christmas lights being turned on in the City Centre and was pleased to see many people had turned out (in the pouring rain) to celebrate the occasion. 

I can say in all honesty that I have no desire to gamble and that's the way I like it.

Hello Diary. It has been an excellent day.

Visited an art gallery which has a couple of exhibitions that I really like.

Had a cuppa followed by a walk on the pier than on to a studio where I chatted with an acting troupe who are rehearsing for a play a week tomorrow. They were having a break so let me dance around the room for 5 minutes which made me feel good.

Tonight I went to watch "Children In Need" in the City Centre. Raining but it was good to be there.

I am very fortunate in that I have no problems and life is a lot of fun when I do not gamble.

Gamble-free for 2 weeks now and feeling very positive.

Yay! Well done on your two weeks. I'm curious about what kind of exhibits you liked. Modern art, Portraits, Photography or Sculptures? I take pleasure in all kinds of art me, it's great to be creative. I can't wait till I get some free time, I reckon I'll dig out my art kit that my old workmates got me for my 40th birthday, still unused sadly. 

What kind of dance did you do? Did you just dance by yourself Billy Elliott style or did someone join in? 

I'm a nosey parker me Stephen. 😉 

Hello Drama. Thank you for visiting my diary with support and encouragement. Hull is home to the Humber Street Gallery which used to be a fruit warehouse and I really like it.

The exhibitions in there at the moment are 1/ "Wrapping"by Nnena Kalu & 2/ "Equanipolis"by Aniara Omann. They are certainly not everybody's cup of tea but I think they are wonderful. Some people wander in for a minute or two than leave but to get the feel of the exhibitions takes time, patience and open-mindedness.

You will get a better understanding by going online than if I try to describe them.

I love to dance and will throw myself around to music whenever it is appropriate and sometimes when its not (copd lungs and dodgy feet permitting - tendonitis). Dancing with a partner is good but when dancing alone I find I can express myself more. To the same record I might throw in bits of tango, salsa, waltz, foxtrot and whatever else comes to mind. I find it incredibly liberating and a lot if fun.

It will be good if you choose to take up your art again so if time permits maybe you will give it a go. I am not an artist but I imagine it to be very therapeutic and enjoyable.

Wishing you every happiness over the weekend.

Stephen x 

I would like to wish all the gamcare warriors & warrioresses a super duper Sunday and tonight when tucked up in bed may everyone feel happy and at peace with the world, our selves and those around us.

Today is the 17th November and on this day in 1558 Queen Elizabeth 1st ascended to the throne. I imagine her great great great great >>> great grandson Andrew will also be spending a lot of time on the throne today!

Anyone can make mistakes which can have a bad impact on their own lives and the lives of others. I believe people should be judged fairly and if they have done wrong than their misdeeds need to be addressed in an appropriate manner but than it is better for all concerned if it is laid to rest.

I think what I am trying to say is that the past should not be allowed to drag us back as we venture forth on our gamble free lives with hope in our hearts and a strong sense of purpose.

I imagine many compulsive gamblers have been badly treated or traumatised in the past by the actions of ourselves or others but dragging them painful memories around for evermore means we are just prolonging the misery.

Today I am going to take a stroll to the riverside. I will take off all the ball n chains i've been dragging around for years and throw them all in the river.

Stephen On A Mission & 16 Days GF

Posted by: Stephen The Virtuous

I imagine many compulsive gamblers have been badly treated or traumatised in the past by the actions of ourselves or others but dragging them painful memories around for evermore means we are just prolonging the misery.

Spot on Stephen ? top man.

Enjoy your Sunday evening ?

Posted by: Stace86

Sometimes it's not about dragging it around with u, sometimes no matter how hard you try to forget the traumatic experiences, your so traumatized that it just doesn't go away.! No matter how hard you try to forget.

I second this! 

Without a doubt, there have been long periods in my life where I have found day-to-day existence to be virtually unmanageable... I felt I was trying so d**n hard to make a change but nothing changed. And some days I just had no energy or will to instigate any sort of change, I felt defeated. I conceded it would be like this forever, until I was too tired from the running, ducking and the diving or I just couldn't cope anymore. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong or where I had gone wrong, how could I deserve this... What did I do to be dealt such a terrible hand...

I'm not sure how it changed for me or what triggered a change, it wasn't good fortune or anything like that, I just kept battling through, no way am i out the other side of it all - for sure some days I got right back to the painful days, but I know a good day will come round for me at some point after so ride it out...

I must've done something to trigger a change, I just couldn't tell you what. All I can say though is don't lose hope. I get what you guys are saying about despair, I really do, you all deserve better and just keep fighting on - even if you're just doing it for your loved ones (that's all I could do at the beginning) that effort and momentum will take you to another place, even if it's a place that's slightly better than where you were before.

And that's a small victory. At least for that day. There is light out there somewhere that much I know ?

I know this sounds a bit foolish but I now have an invested belief that 'if there was a way in, then there must be a way out'

There must be. Even if right now it feels like you are trapped right in the middle of the maze, surrounded by walls, there must be a way out... Even if it's via the way you came in...

Anyway stay strong and keep pushing for those better days.