Well, I'm here again. Probably been a year since I last posted - I was doing well, had plans in place and had paid off a few credit cards. Then I found an online slot that I wasn’t excluded from (don't know why) - and two short months later I am back to feeling terrible.
Now I am in a situation where I can’t pay the rent, can’t buy food and don't get paid for another 11 days.
I feel devastated, annoyed and angry. I can’t blame anything - boredom at being inside? Stressful job, made worse recently? Just plain stupidity?
Now I’m left with few options - but I thought starting this back up would clarify the mind. Maybe help with some of the darker moments.
I have excluded from that casino. Now to think if I should talk to my partner, who does not deserved to be involved in this nonsense.
so... day 1.
Accept that you have exactly the same machine doing the same thing the day after and it is not going anywhere. What is the hurry to blow all that cash?
Accept that your gambling will not achieve anything and that you are really only giving your brain a dopamine release and nothing else+ That the machine will be there tomorrow so what is the rush?
Accept that your own focus is pushing you to empty your wallet as you can not focus on anything else+ the previous statements+ what is the rush?
The result of that type of thinking like that is that you start to realise that you actually are getting screwed before all your cash is gone. The machine is not doing anything it wasn't doing yesterday and it will also do the same dm thing tomorrow so what is the rush?
Addiction is a repeat behaviour. It is not changing your world and the tools(machines) are static programmes doing the same things every day everywhere. There is no magic in them because your addiction makes you lose even when you win.
All the best,
My thoughts are with you Lil and I sincerely hope you can get over this latest setback and rediscover what it is like to be happy, calm and at peace with yourself and the world around you. You don't deserve all this sadness, you deserve to be happy.
I am reminded of the diary of the wonderful "Livelysoul" who once was feeling absolutely beside herself with shame, guilt and worry but today she is 111 days into her journey of recovery and is in a much better place.
For you this is Day One of what will be a great adventure and in time to come you will look back to today as the day you let go of the past, turned your life around and started to live to your full potential.
Wishing you the happiness you deserve.