Starting a new diary, to try and stay focused..

14 Posts
5 Users
0 Likes
1,734 Views
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Day 6 GF Today,

Going to keep it short & sweet, but I've had some urges today to go to the casino - but I haven't. With pay day just around the corner, the money sitting in my account right now is feeling like it "wouldn't matter" if I spent it. I know deep down that this whilst this wouldn't have serious negative affects for spending it, it would ruin my GF streak and may encourage me to spend more after pay day, so it is a bad idea.

I will stay strong & do my best to not go there. Instead I may book a session at the local swimming pool, to keep my mind clear and take up that "empty time" later that I would have used for gambling. Maybe I will also buy myself something nice from the store, money that would have otherwise been "thrown away to the wolves" - I know I can do this this time, one baby step and day at a time.

Have a nice day everyone & try to stay positive.

 
Posted : 27th July 2021 11:18 am
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Managed to resist the urges earlier. Entering day 7 GF tomorrow happy.

 
Posted : 27th July 2021 10:27 pm
Si_mon
(@si_mon)
Posts: 136
 

Well done pal. One day at a time.

 
Posted : 27th July 2021 10:30 pm
(@givemethebuzz)
Posts: 174
 

The first 48 hours are usually the hardest , the next stage is getting to 30 days , then 90 , then 180 , and then a year

 
Posted : 28th July 2021 9:08 am
stevenh60
(@stevenh60)
Posts: 50
 

Hi Michael,

Well done for reaching 1 week gamble free, that's an amazing achievement. 

Keep up the hard work

Steven 

 
Posted : 28th July 2021 12:33 pm
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Thanks everyone for your comments, your encouragement and replies keep me going so thank you I enjoy reading them.

Just as an update, today was pay day from work. Completely unrelated, I was out with my sister in the afternoon and she had to go off and run an errand, leaving me in the city alone. I had literally walked past the casino with her 30 minutes previously, and at the point she left to run her errands, I was only a 2 minute walk from the casino. With a bank card with money on it, and being alone in close proximity to the casino, the urge and temptation was so strong it was almost scary. I was so close to going in there.. the thought ran through my mind at least 5 times. I had a clear half an hour alone, with the full possibility of entering the casino. I somehow, strangely and surprisingly, managed to resist. I didnt go in. I didnt spend a penny on gambling. I now enter day 9 GF today (Friday) with a clear conscious and a bank account that hasn't been rinsed dry.

Feeling proud of myself, only on day 9, but when I got home today.. I almost had a sense of relief that I didn't do it, yet only a few hours earlier, there was a part of me literally pulling me inside. Summary of the story, it didnt get me and I made it through another day.

 
Posted : 29th July 2021 11:43 pm
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Reflecting on my experience today, it's actually crazy how much this gambling addiction can play with your mind and control your thoughts. That wasn't me earlier.... Now I'm at home, and back in reality, I know it is a bad idea to gamble yet while I was out earlier, there were a hundred things going through my mind, drawing me to spend money on gambling. This is a real realisation for me, how dangerous this addiction can be and how hard it can be to keep your head clear of these thoughts.

Sorry I am just rambling on now, just wanted to get everything out there on my diary. Thanks to anyone who is reading/following.

This post was modified 3 years ago by Ronan91
 
Posted : 29th July 2021 11:48 pm
(@robbybobby)
Posts: 13
 

Hi Ronan,

I totally relate to what you say and payday came Wednesday for me after living like a monk for July after blowing June’s payday. The thoughts of gambling were too much for me and €3k gone in 2 days. Loans to repay now that can’t be met and another month of excuses. It’s so draining. I currently have enough to live on for the month but the utter disappointment as I write this is making me have thoughts to do stupid things and try and recoup losses even tho I know I’ll be down another €500/€1k if I go into the bookies. 
So fair play and really well done on not going into the casino and keep diarying because while it helps you it may also help struggling souls like myself. 
Robbie 

 
Posted : 30th July 2021 8:59 am
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Hey Robbie
Sorry to hear about your loss this month. I've been in exactly the same shoes as you and have also lost many paydays entire salary within 24 hours of receiving them.. sometimes I even got paid early and then spent it all before my original pay day date was supposed to be!
I completely relate to the feeling you are feeling right now, of having spent a lot of your pay and wondering how you're going to pay the next bills and payments. I've also done it many times.

I am also like you - when you have that thought of going and spending more, even though you know full well beforehand you're going to lose (eg the 500/1k example you gave). For me, I already counted the money as lost before even going into the casinos and I calculated my bills for the month (to make sure I could afford rent, bills etc) to see what the lowest amount I needed to 'survive' was. This month I haven't done that, and I am trying to stay strong with it, but just wanted to share this so you know that I have been in exactly the same position as you.

 

I know it's really hard not to spend more, especially after you've already lost some of it, to try and recoup what you've lost. That's probably the hardest even. But you know already that you're going to lose it, so even if it's "only" another 500 or 1k, (which may seem small in comparison to what you've lost already, I don't know..) but it's better to reduce the damage further, than to spend more and create more problems for yourself later on. Otherwise, next pay day in August, you'll be repaying more of the things you've spent this month, and should've paid for this month.
Best wishes to you and hope you can stay strong and resist the urge!

 
Posted : 30th July 2021 10:41 am
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Also just for the record.... I also had thoughts AGAIN today about going to the casino later today & spending some money. There is always the temptation and the urge there, and I just hope this urge goes away sooner than later.

Instead, I have booked in for a swim later today (after work) to use the time better. I did it once on Wednesday and found that it helped me to forget about the gambling and use up my time that way, so I did not want to go there (and did not have time to go there anymore).

 
Posted : 30th July 2021 10:43 am
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Today was a hard day - working out the bills to pay from my account and splitting up money between essential bills (rent/utilities) and other repayments.

It kind of hurts to see how much money was wasted on gambling. This is not the first time I have paid bills like this, but the realisation is really sinking in about how much money has been/was wasted on this. 
I have calculated my salaries over the next 5 months and worked out with my overdrafts & bills etc, to pay, I can pay a good chunk of them off and have a reasonable amount of savings in the bank. This will mean that I can treat myself to nice things at Christmas, buy nice presents for my friends & family members and not have another Christmas being skint and feeling bad for not being able to spend more on gifts and nice memories.

That's the next 5 months of hard work, and most of all, commitment by resisting the urge to spend another penny on gambling. The question is, can I do it? Day 10 GF today, I need to get to day 133 (123 days from now) until 1st December, and 154 days from now (164 days GF in total) to the end of December. When I look at it like that, counting from Day 10 to Day 164, it feels achievable. Breaking it down into smaller parts. I just need to grit my teeth and pay the bills as I go along each month, and hope everything else goes to plan.

(nb - This goal is not just to repay my bills and to have nothing left at the end of the year. This goal is to repay most of my repayments and also replenish my savings account to where it was before, so it is not all for nothing).

This post was modified 3 years ago 2 times by Ronan91
 
Posted : 30th July 2021 9:31 pm
(@ronan91)
Posts: 50
Topic starter
 

Accounts done & bills paid & some money left in my account, part towards rebuilding the savings account and a bit leftover for "spending money" this month.

No current urge or desire to gamble. Keeping myself occupied with other activities to keep my mind off it. Heading into Day 11 GF tomorrow.

 
Posted : 30th July 2021 11:05 pm
(@robbybobby)
Posts: 13
 

Hi Ronan,

Thanks for your message. I didn’t gamble away the remaining money so that’s a positive.  I still have a situation to sort next week whereby I owe more than I have and that’s a killer. I have 2 options. 1. Come up with yet another excuse and fanciful story or 2. Just say I don’t have it this month and please wait another month. The 2nd option is what everyone would say do but the fact is I’ve been trying so hard (with some success) the last 2 years to beat this addiction but relapse too often and people around you ultimately get sick and tired of hearing it I feel. So that’s something that’s gotta be sorted next week.

For now I’m gonna switch off and really reflect and try hard to put my head in the right space to move forward. Your messages and updates on how your coping/struggling and how your putting a strategy in place are a great help. Fair play for keeping strong and the day by day approach is working for you so keep going. I am gonna sort my head out the next couple of days and adopt a very similar approach with accountability and reward with nothing going to the devil!!!

Thanks again,
Robbie 

 
Posted : 31st July 2021 6:19 am
Si_mon
(@si_mon)
Posts: 136
 

Hi Ronan, how are things going pal?

 
Posted : 15th August 2021 12:41 pm

We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.

Find out more
Close