So far so good

Hi bladesman, awesome on your gamble free time. However that's a lot of bad things to happen and I'm so sorry. Good that you are sharing I know it's not easy but we all knows what happens to compulsive gamblers when they internalize problems. Sometimes writing things down helps so carry on you know I'll always read and reply. Take care of yourself as well as everyone else

Bladesman, 

Thank you for continuing to post here on the Forum. You said it helps to get those thoughts out and i am glad you have this platform to do so.

It sounds like things have been challenging lately and you have an awful lot to contend with. I am sure your post will be met with a lot of support from other forum users but i wanted to remind you that you are always welcome to call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or our live chat option. Both are available 24/7.

If you feel like it would be useful to talk to someone more generally about all that has been going on recently you could look at the helplines listed below; 

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/live-chat/

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

https://www.supportline.org.uk/

For now, take care and keep posting. 

Rebecca,

Forum Admin.

Hi charlieboy, thanks for your reply, as usual you are so supportive. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'm certainly a lot stronger mentally than when I was hiding my gambling and able to cope with everything being thrown at us. Keep up the good work

Rebecca, thanks for your reply and support. I'm ok and not feeling anxious about everything which shows how much stronger I am now, just wanted to write down what we've been coping with and how well have been doing. Still having counselling so can contact them if things do get too much. Thanks again

Big step forward this afternoon as we agreed that I could have my credit card back. Some may say this is putting temptation in my mind but I know this will not derail me as it can't be used for gambling so the rebuilding of trust begins. The only thing I could do is draw money out to use but this will not happen as I have never done this before and could only happen once as my wife has control of the Bank account and would be alerted immediately. If it did I know that would be the end of everything.

I'm really pleased for you reclaiming your life !!

@bladesman I know what you mean about being tested, it often feels like life is conspiring to make it as difficult as possible to stay clean, as when these challenges come along our default position is to escape from the problems into the dream world. Unfortunatley, the problems are still there when we've finished.

What you are actually doing is living life on life's terms. Dealing with problems rather than burying them under the carpet.

Good work so far.

Keep it up.

Chris. 

Thanks Chris 

So another 10 days ticked off and nothing changed as still no urges to gamble. Collar bone improving slowly and my wife's back is ok again, fingers crossed. Something else came along this week as have been in a lot of pain with toothache. Went to dentist yesterday and need root canal treatment on tooth which he did first part of, not a pleasant experience, but no toothache this morning so worth the pain and it hasn't derailed me.

Today is mental health day and this evil addiction has affected all our mental health in some way but thanks to Gamcare, Gamstop and the support of everyone on here I can say I am in a lot more healthy place than 4 months ago.

Onwards and upwards, stay strong out there!

Hey bladesman, really positive post. Glad your mental health is improving, I'm a long term sufferer anxiety/depression but I'm better now than I've been in years. I thought that gambling helped with my anxiety but now I'm not gambling I rarely get the anxiety . Maybe it's the whole thing that causes the anxiety lying, secrets, deception now I'm not hiding anything being true to myself and my family the anxiety is much much less. When you are not gambling you can see things much clearer can't you. As you said gambling is evil and I will do whatever it takes to stay away from it, I honestly think I couldn't go through this again so have to keep it all behind me and carry on in the way I feel safe...everything blocked....no access to bank accounts....attending GA every week. Last night's meeting was really good I always feel a lovely calm feeling after the meeting, and I feel a sense of belonging there . Take care of your shoulder

Today is day 140 , 20 weeks no gambling and it feels so good to be saying that. Life has been difficult in so many ways lately but here we are still fighting and the awful past with gambling is fading further into the distance. Not being complacent just glad that I am getting further away from those really dark days.

I have just read through my diary from the start and can't believe how different I feel in what is just a relatively short time really. What saddens me is that every day there are new people arriving on here crying for help, but what gives me a buzz is when I make a comment on their post and they are pleased to hear from me and something I say helps them. 

Hospital this afternoon so fingers crossed my collar bone is finally starting to heal.

Stay strong out there!

Hey bladesman great post , I too read my diary to see how different I feel . Like you I feel sad when I read desperate posts and I try as much as I can to reply. I think it's important in our recovery to help others and it does help us too, you're doing great keep the barriers to gambling up and live a better life. Hope hospital goes well funnily enough I'm having x-ray today. Take care bladesman I'm always wishing you to carry on doing well

Friday 13th today, 5 months since the last one which was one of the worst but probably the most imprtant day of my life over the last 5 years. All it took was 4 words my wife said to me that morning "have you been gambling". These few words led to so many different emotions and recriminations, a massive relief for me as my addiction had been found out, but worse was the horror it brought into my wife and kids lives when they realised I had gambled away a fortune, most of our life savings, and racked up credit card debts to feed my habit.

Here we are 5 months later and with the support of my wife and kids, the help from gamcare and determination from me I am 5 months gamble free, fighting together to look forward. The past will always be there but day by day we are rebuilding our lives dealing with problems head on when they arise. The road has not been smooth but we are learning to ride the bumps and carry on, being honest with each other if we feel down which is good to get things out in the open rather than them simmering away inside.

Life can be hard with the virus and my collar bone still not healing properly, but hopefully this is now improving and with a vaccine on the horizon maybe 2021 will be a good year for everyone.

To anyone just starting out on their recovery, it can be done as I and many other people were there and have got this far and will continue to fight this with all our might. 

Stay strong out there!

Hey bladesman, ty for kind post on my diary. Glad you're doing well still following me ?? life is better, happier gamble free. I'm very philosophical about it all now nothing or no one is going to put me off my recovery, I'll always keep the blocks and barriers firmly up. Hope the collarbone settling down and life is being kind to you. Up the county ...Brighton 3rd round FA cup

Day 194 gamble free. Not posted for a while but still here reading and commenting on other people's posts hopefully offering some support. No urge to gamble at all it's the coping with everyday things that sometimes get me down. 

I posted at the beginning of October about feeling like life was throwing things at me to test my resolve. Well following on from that my collar bone is very slowly healing and no hospital visit now until February. Preparing for christmas is a bit of a nightmare for everyone with the changes in the virus tiers but we can get through that. Everything seemed to be coming together when, WHAM, on Sunday my daughter had her car stolen off the driveway by some lowlife. Just when you thought the year would end ok something else to change the moodset.

Don't get me wrong I am ok but just wish we could have a more straight forward life. On the other hand I feel I am lucky that I am really coping well with the gambling when I read other people struggling with urges after being gamble free for months.

Anyway hope everyone has as good a Christmas as they can and looking forward to a gamble free new year.

All the best, stay strong out there