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Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Well, here I am 30 days gamble free and feeling like I am getting my life back. I have gone this long before but the difference is that I want this to get to 40, 50 and so on whereas before it was because I had self excluded and would be counting the days until I could start again. 

My life changed for the better on 12th June when my wife found out about my gambling which I had kept secret for 5 years. This discovery has caused a lot of grief for her but was a relief for me as if she hadn't found out I would still be chucking money away to online casinos. My main regret is that I didn't have the courage to tell her and thought I could sort it out by getting that big win to replace everything I had lost knowing full well that was never going to happen. 

Since then she has been amazing, taking over all our finances and stopping me getting access to any money. I registered with Gamstop that day and now have Betblocker installed for 5 years. Contacting Gamcare was the best thing I did the next day as they have been amazing sorting out some counselling sessions. I have now had 2 calls and it really helps talking about the hows and whys of why I ended up in this state.

What amazed me at the start was how many people are going through exactly the same so reading other stories and getting some tips from them is great. I feel so much better now as if a thick fog has lifted from my life and am spending my time doing other things rather than just gambling, getting the occasional buzz of a win before losing it all again. The buzz I feel now is waking up every day knowing I have gone another day without this evil in my life.

Don't get me wrong, it will take a long time to sort out our finances and even longer before I regain the trust of my wife, life may never be the same again but I have started on the long journey. Reading a post a couple of days ago made me determined not to become complacent and think I have beaten this. I think it can only be beaten when I take my last breath and haven't gambled. Hopefully that will be many years away but I am in a good place to fight for everything I have so nearly lost

Onwards and upwards one day at a time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted : 11th July 2020 4:02 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi Bladesman really well done. I'm 38 days today and a lot of your post is very similar to my experience. My husband found out 5th June and like you im glad that he did. If I'm truthful( since being found out I've stopped lying) I too know that I would be chasing the win still , getting into more debt and getting more and more mentally unwell. You're doing all the right things to stay gamble free don't let anything derail you. I'm looking forward to always being 8 days ahead of you !! Seriously though keep it going. Best wishes.

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Posted : 11th July 2020 5:57 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Thanks Charlieboy and well done to you too. I feel like I have joined a big social club where everyone has so much in common. I must say, in the nicest possible way, it's a club I wish I didn't need to join but I think the support everyone gives each other is amazing. You keep going and I will happily stay 8 days behind you 🙂

All the best, and the Blades have won 3-0 so happy days!

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th July 2020 9:02 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Lol yes and not a very exclusive club quite a large membership !! Yes brilliant win they've had a good season.

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Posted : 11th July 2020 9:12 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Day 32  -  2 more days gamble free but have been feeling anxious and upset, not because I want to gamble, don't know why really, probably thinking of the mess I've made and how I can get out of it. My wife has been struggling with it all as well which I am more concerned about as I have brought this all on her. She needs to talk to someone but still seems reluctant to contact Gamcare. I have told her she can go direct to the counselling people as they already have me registered but only she can decide to do this.

Been out on my push bike this morning which helps clear my head - 13 miles, but still not so good sat typing this. Strangely though it would be when I feel down I would always turn to gambling but have no thoughts of doing that so at least that is a good thing.

Hopefully things will improve over the next couple of days. 

Stay strong everyone!

 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th July 2020 4:54 pm
TimeToStopNow
(@timetostopnow)

Hi Blades

Like you say only your wife can decide when/if she wants to talk. Although you have brought this onto her, where would you be if you hadn’t, I can guarantee you would be in a much worse stage than you are now. Good to see you doing 13miles on the push bike, I really need to get one as I can only run so much. Even though you may feel down now you haven’t gambled this shows great progress. Not all days will be like today but you have shown a lot of strength by not giving in today. 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 6:56 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Hi Nathan, thanks for the pep talk, tomorrow's another day. 13 miles, not bad for an old man 😉

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Posted : 13th July 2020 8:22 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Day 35 - 5 weeks. Mood a lot better than last post. Went for walk in countryside with my wife yesterday, which was nice, trying to get some normality back in our lives. Also had my 3rd counselling session which went well, feeling very positive again now. As I said to my counsellor I feel like I am getting back to what I was before this all started but that brings a guilty feeling as I know how much my wife is struggling with everything and it's all my fault. Just need to keep the days ticking over

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Posted : 16th July 2020 11:11 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi blademan. It's time that will make the difference I totally understand the guilt I too feel like that and it's a normal emotion but also a v uncomfortable one. Try not to dwell on it it drags you down take each day as a new day and those new days will soon mount up. You are doing really well , keep going take it easier on yourself. Keep posting. With best wishes

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Posted : 16th July 2020 11:33 am
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Day 42 - 6 weeks. Not much to report really, days have been ticking over nicely with no thoughts of gambling. A couple of down days but nothing serious.

I have been in touch with all my credit cards over the last couple of days explaining the situation and that I am setting up a Debt Repayment Plan for them through Stepchange which will take some burden and stress out of managing the payments. All card providers have been very helpful and accepting of my situation and glad I have contacted Stepchange to sort my debts. The payment plan, once in place next month, will take a long time to complete but makes me feel a lot less stressed about the amount of money I owe them.

My wife is still upset and angry but I think we are making progress which will hopefully continue now we will be able to manage the payments easier.

Stay strong everyone!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd July 2020 8:17 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Welcome To the forum Bladesman
I am Pleased to see that the days gamble free are now turning into weeks. Gambling can lead to being secretive , this is very common, so is not surprising that trust can be lost. However, what matters now is what you are doing about your problem gambling, so please go easy on yourself. Reading your post and the replies you are getting you are clearly taking steps to be responsible today and making effort to overcome this challenging time in your life. Already I can see you are getting the support from other people and that you identify with other people’s stories on here. It often helps knowing that you are not the only one going through this and one never knows if your own story may help and inspire others. So well done and please keep posting.

All the best
Darren
Forum Admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th July 2020 10:39 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Thanks Darren for your comments, much appreciated.

Well here we are now 50 DAYS GAMBLE FREE. Put in capitals as I want to shout this out loud as if anyone had told me 2 months ago I would be here saying this I would have said they were mad!

No urges to gamble and hopefully getting finances sorted with Stepchange so feeling positive and looking forward instead of dwelling on the past 5 years. Still many regrets and guilty feelings about what I have done but think I have come to terms with the fact that what I have lost I will never get back so can only change the future.

Still keeping up with other peoples stories and get inspiration from how strong we are all trying to be. We all will have different ways of dealing with this but with each others help hopefully we can beat this evil addiction.

Stay strong everyone and keep ticking those days off 🙂

Up the Blades!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31st July 2020 5:55 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Well done bladesman doing really good. It's amazing isn't it, after gambling every day for few years now I'm 58 days gamble free. Is it stopping your access to gambling that's made difference? It is for me I know it's not a cure but boy

does it give your mind breathing space!! Sounds like things are on the up . We should never be complacent our addiction will always be there but with hard work we can keep it dormant. Up the County !

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Posted : 31st July 2020 6:18 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Thanks Charlieboy.

I just think I have stopped because my secret's out but knowing I have the blockers in place probably helps as well. I feel I now have no reason to gamble again as I have accepted I will never get back what I have lost.

In cricket terminology (i know you will appreciate this because of your son) 50 not out, retake my guard and knock off the days one at a time with a hundred there for the taking.

All the best

ps. Derby, Stockport , Notts or Newport?

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31st July 2020 9:46 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Newport.....Amber army.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 31st July 2020 10:46 pm
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