Today I gambled. I lost £100. Yesterday I lost £140. As soon as money becomes available to me I gamble it. I would imagine my total losses since I started gambling in 2013 are around £60,000 - but I am not sure.
Anyway I have now had enough. I have gamban on 2 devices that are solely used by me - there is only one device left that I play on - the family computer - I need to add gamban to it but will need to have the conversation with my partner first as it may mean he can't access fantasy football - and he doesn't know about my gambling.
So January 4 2020 will be my first day gamble free. I have done 6 weeks to 3 months gamble free before but always succumbed - this time I really need to recognize that it's a total waste of time and money.
Good luck to everyone going through this gambling hell.
xx
Annie 2016, it's good to come to the realisation you have a problem and have taken the 1st steps by implementing blocks and coming to gamcare. Withought recognising there's a problem there will never be a recovery, I'm sure your husband will understand that your health as in mental and physical state is more important than fantasy football, I think the best start to recovery is also being honest with yourself and others.
A big welk done for tski g those 1st steps, theres a group a brilliant person called mixer has made called the 100 day gf challenge, it would be nice if you could join us in this battle we are all fighting.
I hope to hear from you soon, take care and stay true. Danpo.
Hi Annie2016,
I completely feel you right now as I had my first relapse today since not playing in august. Feel absolutely disgusted with myself. Aslong as we stick together and take the right actions I'm sure we can come out of this stronger. Let's make the year 2020 the year that we quit and never look back x
Annie2016...Welcome!
Im going to give you some food for thought here.
Have you ever been to square one because its a total born again moment when you realise gambling was killing you.
Its the total honesty with friends and family you trust.
Its the surrender to a power you do not yet fully understand and the utter relief somebody is helping control your money. Its the utter relief somebody is helping control your life because you are not in control of it...Scary...Yes....But true
Its the talking talking talking and building the strongest bedrock of foundations before you move an inch further. Its realising you will be on square one or very near it for a long while.
Its realising that computer is a wide open door with temptation written on it...really you knew that and didnt want to close that avenue down...you cant play at this but thats the addiction controlling you...its not entirely your fault as an addict to gambling
The addiction is you...its in your bones....you have to realise its sheer immense power to act like a drug addiction. Its killing you to get its own cravings...Its a split mind control illness and you are not in control of your own mind
Are you ready to face that?? because thats the depth to which you have to think about this.
Its no game about a silly flutter or watching your partner have a little gamble. This addiction kills people. It laughs at casual willpower. If it was easy to just stop this site would not exist.
You need these conversations NOW! you need to tell your partner that you are a compulsive gambler. You need to write that loss down and look at it. That is the reality...theres no delusion on that piece of paper as that is the truth...if you are like me you wont even really know the full extent of your losses. Mine are many times more than I can account for.
You are both in danger and he needs to know! Ive been a compulsive gambler and I wouldnt live with one...its that serious!
Please start taking more action...you need banning from gadgets without strict monitoring...it will save your life and any quality of life you have left.
Your partner gambling is not a good sign for you...certainly he has to help stop you and cant encourage you at all.
Your time away from gambling was not the true test of any control...many are more like binge gamblers...gaps are not control until you totally abstain and DO the cold turkey.
Am I sounding Harsh?? Its because I care about you. There is no point soft soaping you. Its an extremely dangerous addictiona nd you have been riding horrendous losses thinking you can carry on like that.
As I said, you are not back at square one if you have never experienced the pure relief and serenity of starting at the real square one.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
