Setting Myself Free

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(@Anonymous)
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Hello all

My name is Tony and right now I can honestly say that I don’t want to waste another waking moment of my life gambling. I know from experience that this feeling and sense of resolve can fade over time which is why I’m here. I want to connect with likeminded people and continue to read and learn from other peoples experiences. I’m done with attempting to temporarily escape a life I should be content with. When I gamble I lose sight of everything around me, my life falls apart. It’s strange as I have so much to be grateful for and could be spending time improving my life, gaining knowledge, exercising, relaxing or socialising. Any time spent not gambling is more productive than time spent gambling. As CG’s we all have multiple accounts of our inability to ever stop. The only option is to free ourselves from the emotional control this has over us for good. I’ve been left obsessing over figures and the amounts I’ve lost an embarrassing amount of times now. I’m starting to realise that this masks over the deeper problem for many of us though. This is a complex emotional disease which has progressed and developed within our brains over the duration of years. We’ve convinced a portion of our brain that this behaviour is in some way beneficial and will provide rewards. But as we know in the end it only ever eats away at our bank balances, relationships & well-being. Ask yourself, has betting ever provided lasting happiness? Even directly after a big ‘win’ or even before it’s settled I’d be thinking about the next bet and how I could prolong or amp up the rush of it all. Gambling can and will take everything from people who are not very deemed very ‘responsible’ or people who don’t posses much ‘discipline’. I definitely do not posses enough of either of those qualities when placed within an online gambling environment.

I now have debts which have mounted but I do see a way out. It’ll take perseverance and patience but I know that the days can mount up quickly with a little patience in the early days. Things get so much easier after a few weeks, when urges start to fade and our brains revert back into a somewhat normal state. I’m back at the very raw stage, the pain from the recent losses are still very much there. These feelings serve no real purpose. I know If I don’t stop gambling for good that these feelings will be experienced again further down the line. Thats a lock and I truly don’t want that anymore.

I’ve been looking for a way to summarise the whole ordeal, to provide a sense of closure I guess. The way I see it is I got involved in something way bigger than me. I ran into a minefield thinking I had it all figured out, I didn’t.

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 12:51 am
(@Anonymous)
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Day 2 - I know for sure that I won’t gamble today. Self exclusions are complete, I must be banned from 25+ sports bookmakers these days but I’m being bombarded with adds on my social media accounts so will stay clear of those too for a while. Trying to diminish the thoughts about how I should of walked away when in the green at points. These annoying thoughts about how this could of been avoided and how I should of been more disciplined/sensible are really grating at me. The rational side of me knows that if you spend large amounts of time over the course of 4 years risking money on odds which are against you then you will come out financially scarred. It’s like every time I’ve returned I thought I could heal the scar but you only ever end up making it worse. I don’t want to burn my fingers on the gambling inferno anymore, it’s so tiresome.

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 1:11 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Hi Progree, I've enjoyed reading your posts, you have a good head on your shoulders and you make sense. Well done on your second day of being gamble free and I wish you well on your recovery, will check in with you when I can.

Wilsy

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 3:20 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Thanks Wilsy, really appreciate your comment and kind words. Congratulations on the progress you’ve made by the way, I’ll familiarise myself with your story when I’m a bit less busy. Wishing you a jolly GF weekend amigo.

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 7:23 pm
kebo25
(@kebo25)
Posts: 10
 

Looks like we both decided to go gamble free at exactly the same time! These few weeks will be the toughest for us no doubt, but hopefully we can power through. I'm in the same boat as you regarding debt, and yes it's hard but as you say there's a way out, there always is! Have you tried speaking to stepchange? They have helped me alot thus far and offer impartial advice based on your specific circumstances 🙂 Gambling is a vicious spiral as we've all discovered, and I must agree with you those social media gambling ads are annoying, and in my opinion should be cracked down on as it's basically like giving a heroin addict a dealer's number.... Well done so far and good luck for the coming weeks. It's gonna be an uphill struggle but we can beat this

P.s Dwelling on the past will just make things worse, best thing you can do now is move forward. Without sounding harsh the money that you've lost is gone forever, theres nothing that will get it back. But don't dwell on it mate, power through 🙂

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 8:54 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)
Posts: 574
 

Welcome to the forum Tony, i was also an online sports bettor.

Sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do and work on during recovery. I would just say to you a couple of things to help you stop.

1) Be honest. Gambling makes us hide, lie and deny our problems. This is the time to be honest and be true to yourself and anyone you feel like you can tell (obviously this doesn't mean telling just anyone, just those that you can trust and get support from). Posting here gives you a great chance to express that too, we all know what this is like and no one is judging you.

2) Get blocks in place. Gambling becomes a habbit as well as a compulsion. Don't let it be the easy go-to action, Time-Money-Location remove one and you can't gamble. In the early stages these will assit you a lot. I tried to quit in the past without blocks many times and the best i did was one month. Make it as hard as you can to be able to gamble. If you really don't want to gamble then you won't mind strong blocks.

3) Forget the losses. That money has gone. Yes we all wish we had stopped at an earlier point but if we all walked away winners we wouldn't be here and neither would the bookies! I chased and only stopped once i maxed out my credit sources (including family loans) its a dangerous game and so is this addiction. It will take from you everything you allow it to. Draw the line here and be thankful of what you will have in the future if you stop now.

4) Work recovery. As you point out its not just about the money its deeper. Something within us makes us want to gamble. Understanding that is about better understanding ourselves and our triggers. Get some counselling if you can, talk to people it really does help.

Theres help and theres hope. I'll be around, all the best mate.

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 9:03 pm
(@adam123)
Posts: 2795
 

Welcome I echo what wilsy said some very true thoughts about gambling there, thoughts which show uhavegone thru themil with ifand know the score when if comes to the need for puttingblocks inplace. I

​

 
Posted : 16th March 2018 9:57 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Thanks for all of your comments and input Kebo, Sjw and Adam.

This time I will be completely honest with myself, it’s clear gambling has held me back and offered nothing positive other than a short lived buzz and a feeling of escapism, these aren’t positive things either in all honesty. All you need to do is take a step back and look at the abundance of these companies emerging/growing and how large their budgets are. I don’t want to be part of the scene anymore fullstop, it’s so shady and immoral. Any money will be at risk of fueling my addiction unless I keep it at bay. A gamble free life is a lot more transparent, the peace of mind that not gambling provides is something to saviour not jeopardise.

Day 3, no gambling today.

 
Posted : 17th March 2018 2:05 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Day 4, I won’t gamble today.

Wanted to leave a quick fleeting thought which I just had. I asked myself would I be significantly more happy if I had all of the money I’d lost through gambling in my bank account. It’s a lot of money but the answer is no I don’t think I would be. For me right now I long for the emotional stability that not gambling provides. I’m not overly materialistic and I don’t want a fast car or a mansion. I also can do without the stress and all the other horrible things that are part of a gambling lifestyle. There is no reason at-all for me to gamble again, the addiction is the only thing left which puts me at risk. I’m going to stay vigilant, speak soon.

 
Posted : 18th March 2018 3:13 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

If there’s any activity that runs counter to everything self improvement stands for, gambling has got to be one of them. There’s way too much rooted into gambling that can really blow up in your face. It seems harmless at first but like a wildfire, it can get real out of control, destroying your financial future, marriage, relationships with others.

Look at the underlying basis of gambling.

Getting money for doing nothing. Getting money for being of absolutely no service, value, or help to others. Relying on chance instead of your own personal responsibility.

The act itself is rooted in greed.

By constantly gambling, you constantly think – let me try to get something for nothing.”

“But let’s say you don’t have a ton of money but by some long shot, you win anyways.

You still lose.

Why?

Because you’ve missed out on the opportunity to BECOME the kind of person who can find a way to serve people and earn that money instead. You miss out on developing the traits of patience, focus, vision, persistence, service, action, etc., and that in it of itself is worth more than any amount of money, to develop yourself to your highest potential.

Notice how the lotto winners, the majority of them lose it all because they have NOT become the kind of person who has developed to the point where they can handle the money. They blow it all away. They have no patience, self control, delayed gratification, etc.

Avoid gambling at all costs, even the little forms such as betting on a game with friends, poker night, scratch off tickets, because it’s so easy to make an exception and start slowly sliding down that hill, taking on more serious forms of gambling, getting a bookie, going to Vegas, etc.

And if you see ads here on gambling, before you accuse me of hypocrisy, know that it’s just Google Adsense’s algorithm doing its thing. It sees the word gambling a lot in here so it assumes I talk about gambling and displays ads about it.

Avoid the easy way out trap that gambling takes the form of.

No matter what, you will always lose in the long run, even if you win.” - Great article, leaving it here for personal reference. Gambling really does have nothing positive to offer. Even if luck favours you to begin with you’ll start to believe you can consistently get something for nothing and sooner or later you’ll fall flat on your face.

 
Posted : 18th March 2018 5:21 pm
degenerate
(@degenerate)
Posts: 479
 

Good article. Nice find.

 
Posted : 18th March 2018 6:16 pm
Matt 24
(@matt-24)
Posts: 752
 

Hi Tony

Thanks for popping by my diary, it is a long old read these days and some seriously painful posts within it.

The best things I did to start my recovery were to go to councelling, tell everyone close to me about my problem (I kept the secret for over 15 years) and realise every day we don't gamble is a day richer financially and mentally. We all know if we continue we will eventually lose so if you don't have that next bet you can never lose, only gain.

I wish you all the very best in your recovery and well done in making those important first steps to change your life.

Matt

 
Posted : 19th March 2018 11:52 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Tony, very interesting reading your diary, I have stopped a similar time to you, hopefully we can get to 100 days together, I'm sure we can

 
Posted : 19th March 2018 6:12 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Thanks for your words of encouragement Matt & Jack and yes that 100 day milestone is oh so appealing, I can’t let my focus waver. I’ve done a few months before and know that things begin to fall back into place, I really do want a gamble free life now. 1 week GF tomorrow and hopefully the 1st of many. I need to have a little patience and allow myself time to think about how I’m going to make ends meet. I have payday loans due left right and centre at the start of April. It’s not the end of the world but it will seem like it is if I return to this nasty addiction, my resolve is strong again after visiting this site, long may it continue.

 
Posted : 20th March 2018 8:17 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Tony, last year I done 167 days gf, then at xmas I thought I would treat myself to a couple small footie bets, I won a couple hundred and was sucked back in, can't believe I let my guard down, 3 months of gambling followed and lots of money lost, this time around I will be stronger, I'm sure you will crack this terrible problem, Jack

 
Posted : 20th March 2018 9:31 pm
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