Rock bottom gets worse

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(@kevthekev40)
Posts: 414
 

I will give it a go just had one of those days today where nothing goes right and yet again the past come to bite you up the a**e. I've not gambled since the 24th of April but still living with the conciquences, I still owe money out from that night and just when you least expect it they sweep in and clear you out. Well tomorrow's another day and I've got a zoom appointment with my nhs gambling harm worker so atleast I can get somethings off my chest and get to grips with what's going on. Take care everyone and have a gamble free night 

 
Posted : 10th June 2020 6:20 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Many thanks for posting on my diary Lively.

Your posts always bring a smile to me face though I am concerned that your sleep patterns are in disarray and I do worry about your headaches which together with your throat and back pains are a great worry. Hopefully as the lockdown is eased and your work load decreases you will be able to relax and get out and about more?.

It does feel good being nearly 4 months gamble free and my finances are looking decidedly healthier which explains my new name ???. 

Glad you liked my poem about the sky and clouds. It is a great idea of yours to give myself a project or challenge to make my walks more interesting. 

I am heading off for a walk shortly. It is overcast and very windy but not raining. My project will be to observe different aspects of the wind and when I get home I will write a little rhyme about it.

Wishing you a lovely day and hope to see you in the chatroom this evening.

 

Stephen ??? x x x 

This post was modified 4 years ago 2 times by Aum
 
Posted : 11th June 2020 12:22 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Great to see you in the chatroom this evening Lively.

Set off on my walk this afternoon and it started raining so treated myself to a water resistant top in Tesco ?very nice too and it was reduced by eight pound ? (love a bargain). 

Put my waterproof leggings on with my new top and went for an invigorating walk in the rain with a very strong wind blowing. It was awesome though I nearly got blown away lol.

Sorry you are still suffering with a few medical issues. I do ask the angels to help you but it doesn't seem to be working.

I am not normally one to give advice but I cannot overstress the importance of getting up from your computer at regular intervals and taking some deep breaths whilst having a few good stretches.

Please take good care of yourself. You are very precious and there is only one Lively in the world so take good care of her.

 

Love and best wishes.

Stephen x x x 

 

Ps I would certainly never dream of giving anyone two lots of advice but it might be a good idea to stop smoking ? eat a healthy diet ? and enjoy some gentle exercise (ie go for a little stroll now and than) ?‍♀️??.

 
Posted : 11th June 2020 9:23 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Evening Lively ?.

Just popped by to say hello and wish you a wonderful weekend.

Nite nite sweet dreams ?.

 

Stephen x x x 

 
Posted : 12th June 2020 8:18 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Thank you for your encouragement, wisdom and understanding in the chatroom this evening Lively.

You certainly are a good friend to have by ones side during these difficult times.

Wishing you every happiness over the coming week

 

Stephen x 

 
Posted : 14th June 2020 9:14 pm
Scottydog71
(@scottydogg)
Posts: 372
 

Hi lively hope you are well not long before I reach 100 days I hope you are not working to hard are getting out in the fresh air  father in law had his hip replace but now on top he has now pick up a bug he's been  up and moving around with a frame so that’s good  I will take your advice and will be coming  in chat more and will be ringing up if I need  help thank you lively take care your good friend scotty ??❤️?

 
Posted : 16th June 2020 9:00 pm
Livelysoul
(@livelysoul)
Posts: 403
Topic starter
 

Thank Stephen and Scotty for posting on my diary and for your kind words and support. 

Day 111

Well I decided I’d update my diary as despite feeling exhausted, I still can not sleep.

The days have flown by the past week or two as it only seems  few days ago I hit 100 days. Although all I have done for the past two weeks is work and have a few hours sleep each night with no time for anything else so no wonder the time has whizzed by. Not long and I can have some time off which I am so looking forward to. Usually I’d hate having a week off without going away or making plans as when I was gambling I would get bored if I had time at home. This time however, I can’t wait to have time off to unwind and potter around the house. I have lots of things I want to get done starting with having a big sort out of my clothes and anything else that needs doing. I am genuinely looking forward to this which is a first so something has definitely changed. 

Today has been a good day overall. One thing that really cheered me up is getting an email saying my credit score had gone up, 50 points in the last two months. Still a long way to go but it just shows how a short time away from gambling can have so many positive effects. I am somewhat surprised each day I look at my bank account. I don’t think I’ve ever had money in the bank at this time of the month that hasn’t been accounted  for. 

For anyone in their early days of stopping, it may seem like a real battle the first few weeks but as time goes on life does get better. I don’t mean necessarily  in monetary terms as that is obviously different for each individual’s circumstances but getting up in the morning without the constant stress, lies and gambling hangover, enjoying the simple things that we dismiss when we are in gambling mode and most of all, having the time to discover yourself after so many years of being lost. 

Wishing everyone a gf Wednesday taking one day at a time.

 
Posted : 17th June 2020 3:58 am
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Hello Lively hope you are having a good day.

Hopefully you are now off work for a little while and can enjoy some you time. Sounds a good idea to sort out your clothes and think I might do the same. My motto (now that I don't gamble) is: "If something hasn't been worn for a year than off it goes to the charity shop ??."

Enjoyed reading your last post. You have a delightful style of writing that keeps the reader engrossed in what you are writing about. Just like my river, it flows along quite nicely.

 

Wishing you a lovely weekend.

Stephen x 

 
Posted : 19th June 2020 6:09 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Thank you for posting on my diary Lively. Now that I know you will be in the chatroom this evening I will definitely be there.

Hope you are feeling good and your back is feeling better. It is certainly beautiful weather to be outside, making hay while the sun shines. Mind you I don't use a lot of hay so tend to go for a walk instead ??.

You have been on my mind after learning that you used to visit prison where you passed on your knowledge to those who have fallen foul of the law. 100% respect to you for helping in the rehabilitation of offenders. I imagine it to be very challenging but your hard work, dedication and compassionate nature will have greatly improved many peoples lives.

 

Best wishes to a wonderful lady.

From Stephen x 

 
Posted : 23rd June 2020 3:14 pm
Livelysoul
(@livelysoul)
Posts: 403
Topic starter
 

Hi Stephen 

Glad to see your post and that you’ve been keeping busy. The work was really rewarding and I really enjoyed it except for the politics of course. Some people aren’t  inherently bad and like us, have made bad decisions whilst others are bad to the core but some can be redeemed with the right education and support so it was very rewarding. Look forward to catching you in chat later. 

Day 117 - life is good. 

Today I have enjoyed sitting in the sunshine, doing very little and enjoying being surrounded by the peace and calm.    What a great feeling that is. 

I am now happy in my own company, something I always struggled with before, always feeling lonely or bored and then the temptation would be there. There are no temptations, just peace and clarity. I am grateful I am in this place now and hope that others here can also find this from a gf life. 

Wishing everyone a good gf day!

This post was modified 4 years ago 3 times by Livelysoul
 
Posted : 23rd June 2020 4:03 pm
Scottydog71
(@scottydogg)
Posts: 372
 

Hi lively just pop in hope you are well and enjoying the sunshine I miss chat today but will be on tomorrow take care       
  Your friend Scotty ??

 
Posted : 23rd June 2020 8:31 pm
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Good morning Lively ?‍♀️??‍♂️ on this beautiful sunny morning.

Thoroughly enjoy reading your posts and the most recent one in your diary has given me a real lift. I see you as a very inspiring lady who gives much to the world and you have my respect.

I will be visiting chatroom at 10 o clock but you said you would not be there so hopefully will see you in the chatroom this evening.

 

Best wishes for a lovely day.

Stephen x 

 

 
Posted : 24th June 2020 8:41 am
Aum
 Aum
(@aum)
Posts: 3947
 

Good morning dear lady ? It is indeed a beautiful day.

My head is looking a bit red so I must remember to wear a hat today.

Closed my eyes and got a picture of you travelling so hope you have a lovely day with lots of fun and happy smiles ??‍♂️?. 

 

There is an awesome lady known as Lively Soul

Standing proud, gamble free & ready to rock n roll

Search the whole world over and never would one find

A legend like our Lively ?‍♂️ so friendly, caring and kind

 

Stephen x 

 
Posted : 25th June 2020 7:11 am
Livelysoul
(@livelysoul)
Posts: 403
Topic starter
 

Thank you Stephen for your lovely post and poem. ? Hope I might catch you in chat tomorrow. 

Day 120 done 

Well 120 days have now passed which is pretty much 4 months. I had a read back through my diary the other day and just cannot believe how different my life is 4 months on. Still no urges or desire which I am very happy with. I did wonder if this would wear off after a month or two but I feel stronger about what a wretched thing gambling is then ever so that’s great. 

I had a lovely day yesterday except for not being able to sleep. 

Today I had a relatively quiet, relaxing day sat in the garden, enjoying the sunshine and thinking about the future. It was nice!

I ended up going on a little spontaneous trip to Tesco’s this evening to get something I needed. It was nice having a mooch around and before I knew it, I’d filled my trolley with a whole array of things and spent a small fortune on a few food items and then some household items like pillows, fluffy cushions and stuff for me and my daughter. I was like a kid in a sweet shop. This is something I’d never have been able to do before or I’d have overthought everything and have second thoughts about it and end up putting it back. This evening, there was none of that indecisiveness of the past, if I liked the look of something then in the trolley it went - no second thought.  

This is something I could have only dreamed of before and if I ever did go on a little shop, there would be all these thoughts about what the consequences would be. What can I reduce and where to make up the difference. The feeling of being able to do this tonight, knowing there are no consequences left me feeling ecstatic. Three days before payday and regardless of my little shopping trip I still have money in the bank. It almost feels surreal. I put all the shopping in my  boot, got in the car and I drove home with the biggest smile on my face feeling very happy with my purchases. ?

I never thought life could be this good as I have spent so many years focused on the stress and worry of gambling that for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m living. 

For anyone who is still trying to stop or in their early days, I assure you that the hard work to stay gf really is worth it and it does get better. Just hang in there and soon you will start to feel like your ‘living’ again too. 

 

This post was modified 4 years ago by Livelysoul
 
Posted : 27th June 2020 12:29 am
(@kevthekev40)
Posts: 414
 

Well done lively

I'm so glad your doing well and getting on with your life gamble free. You make me proud you've left me some lovely words when I was low just like so many strangers actually worried how we're doing I just think it's a wonderful thing especially in this day and age. Keep up what your doing as you've got the formula one day at a time and you've done a lot off them, I'm going to have to go for now as my push button start on my car isn't working would normally go to garage but after what I lost it's back to doing it myself. Hope to hear or see your comments soon 

 
Posted : 27th June 2020 6:16 am
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