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T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Hi all,

I posted a few posts on the forum a few years ago, but stupidly never stuck with it and to be honest things haven't improved too much since then re: gambling, seeing as I done a little bit of gambling today. It's been a constant battle for years now (probably around 6 years), especially with the past 3 years of trying to stop and going through constant cycles of maybe getting to 30 days GF and then messing it up again come payday or shortly after. All of my gambling is online slots, and have very stupidly went into blacklisted casinos and gave them a go to for any chance of a win. I'm always just chasing losses, even though I KNOW it's never going to end the way I want it.

I've built up a lot of debt, although that peeked about 3 years ago and it's very slowly been going down since - however, I really really want to start getting the debt down much quicker, totally stop gambling and start building some savings. I'm 27 and feel this has just stalled my life for about 6 years - not being able to save for a deposit for a mortgage, ruining my credit score so won't even be able to get a mortgage any time soon, not being able to do what I want to do because I never have enough money because I spend it all on gambling.

I've been keeping a private diary since the start of the year about my journey with gambling and debt, charting my progress with both, monitoring my budgets/cash, setting myself goals to help keep me occupied so I don't turn to online slots, etc. However, after quite a few slip ups I wanted to start charting this progress publicly, so it feels I'm being held to account for it.

I've had a number of "this is it, I'm really going to kick this addiction" moments, but I really really hope this is the final one, I'm determined to turn my life around.

Anyway, I've enjoyed reading a number of other diaries and success stories and look forward to contributing to other diaries and topics... we're all in this together after all.

Thanks for reading,

T

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Posted : 16th May 2020 3:52 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear T-Positive,

Thank you for posting and welcome back to the Gam Care Forum. It sounds like after a period of reflection you are ready to face your gambling head on. You've clearly made a lot of positive progress already and you sound determined to build on this for your future. 

As you are aware there is a lot of really good advice and support to be found on the Forum and people who will be proud to share in your journey with you.

If you do need any further advice on gambling blocks or suggestions for additional support please do get in touch anytime on the helpline 0808 8020 133 or on the live web chat both available seven days a week, 24 hours a day. 

Wishing you all the very best,

Helen

Forum Admin 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th May 2020 9:30 pm
PaulG
(@paulg)

Hi T-Positive 

I have just joined to this site.

I’ve been gambling 3/4 years now (My main culprit being online slots). I am now seeking help as I feel I have lost control and spending a lot of my hard earned money on these slot games, I tend to deposit £100 every other day and all the winnings I gain I put straight back on then loose the whole lot. The thing is I want to save the money and put it away for rainy day, but then i get the urge to play more and thinking I can win more in which case never happens. I was In a bad place last year being in my overdraft Constantly every month, also lying to my relatives and my partner Who which found out in December last year there for I quit slotting for 6 months but from April this year til now I have been deposing again, as of today I’ve  closed all my casino accounts (self exclusion) and trying to get on to the right path. 

I just thought I’d share my gambling issue, anyway feel free to reply if you want to chat, I’ll leave it up to you. 

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Posted : 17th May 2020 7:33 am
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Thanks Helen and @reminder for your kind words. Starting this diary was definitely the right decision knowing that there are so many people on here who are in a similar situation to I am. I'll certainly continue to follow your diary @reminder.

@paulg - welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. You may find it helpful to start your own diary to discuss your story and chart your progress - I definitely think me starting this will be a big positive step. It's great to hear you were able to stop for several months - that's fantastic progress and I hope you can do that again and just keep going. We'll all be here to support each other.

As for me, day 1 of not gambling at all and I'm feeling very positive about the whole thing. I'm angry at gambling and casino sites, and thus have no urge at all to gamble. In terms of finances... I'm pretty skint at the moment so can't really afford to gamble so I hope I continue being gamble free after payday (end of the month) which is always my downfall. I've worked out a cash flow/budget plan and it's amazing to see how much savings I could have and how much debt I could pay off even by the end of this year if I don't spend a penny on gambling. Lockdown, whilst is difficult not being able to see some people I would really like to see, is actually a good opportunity for my finances. I'm working from home (very busy, keeping me occupied during the daytime Mon-Fri so no time to think about gambling) but I normally have quite an expensive commute so have the opportunity to pay off more debts rather than splash cash on useless gambling! I work in an office so hope I'll be able to work from home for some time to make the most of these savings. 

Not sure how often I'll post in my diary, but hopefully at least every weekend, maybe it'll end up being a lot more.

T

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th May 2020 11:05 am
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Day 7 GF

Well it's been a week since my last gamble and I've had no issues with gambling. However, that's often the case. I've been on day 7 countless times. I really hope starting this diary was the final straw though - after so many times of "maybe I'll start the diary", not doing it and messing up time and time again. A big barrier has been lack of funds, so it's easy for me not to gamble when I don't have much funds lying around. My main challenge is always payday & boredom, and payday is coming up in the next week (and I'm also on leave...) so it may be a struggle. Feel positive that I'll work through it though - paying towards the debts I need to pay off and transferring some money to savings to try and keep it safe. I'll be paying off 2 payday loans this month, leaving 2 left. I've been in a constant horrible financial cycle with payday loans which has been awful, but I'm SO close to the end of that chapter and I'll never go back - it was awful. Wrecked me financially, all because of gambling.

Anyway, thank you @reminder for your comments above. I hear what you're saying, and I'm learning this from reading other diaries - I will always have to be on guard with this.

May post a little more nearer the end of the week once payday comes. Trying to drum it in my head that if I have anything that even resembles a gambling urge that I get on here first.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd May 2020 4:12 pm
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Day 12

Well that's 12 days GF which feels good, but today is payday so got to stay strong - this month will be the real test but feeling positive about it. Paid all my payments this morning that need to be paid, paying off 2 payday loans which felt good, and only 2 left which will be paid off in the next 2 months... then it just leaves the credit cards.

Just a short post today to mark payday, no doubt I'll be back soon.

Stay strong 🙂

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Posted : 28th May 2020 9:30 am
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Day 15.

Thank you for checking in @reminder.

All still going very well. Payday has been and not a single gamble so feeling pretty chuffed with that although still acutely aware I've still got a long way to go. Think the good weather has helped in keeping me very occupied and my mind off those slots. Just got to keep going and seeing the benefits of no gambling!

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Posted : 31st May 2020 11:01 am
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Day 22.

And it's Sunday which is becoming my usual day to post a weekly update in here!

Just over 3 weeks now and I know it's still a tiny number, but I'm actually so chuffed with myself. As I've said many times before, payday or shortly after is normally when I mess up - but that was 10 days ago and still going strong. The real test is getting to next payday too - I genuinely don't think I've got that far before, maybe once a while ago, but really don't remember getting that far. I'm feeling super positive about it all - I've had a couple of urges throughout the past week if I'm being honest but they've literally lasted seconds and I've seen sense. I've felt very busy which has been key - keeping myself occupied. Work is super busy so that's on my mind a lot, then when I'm not working I've got plenty of things to keep me occupied and my mind off everything else.

 

So yes, not much to report other than all is good and even though it's extremely early days, I'm really pleased! Just need to keep reminding myself not to get complacent and slip up.

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Posted : 7th June 2020 3:39 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Well done my friend 

I'm so glad too here how well your doing and really hope you can keep it up as gambling is such destructive and dangerous addition,  I can't believe how much money they allow you to loose in such a short period off time. A few weeks back I had gone 1yrs without a bet then I went on roulette in the period off 1hr nearly  £8000.its so destructive and one off the fastest ways I've ever lost in my life. Yesterday I was that poor I had too contract a local church to drop us off some food as I had absolutely nothing. I've got alot of help in place now but God knows how I'm going to get back under control off my finances. I've paid £4000 back but still owe about  £4000 that they took out of my partners account that cleared her arranged overdraft and well into an unarranged overdraft causing us to go into more debt through charges. I really hope you can stay away from the gambling he'll as it only takes that one time and your up to your head in uncontrolled debt. Please take my advice and don't end up like me as its no life and think off what I'm putting my family through. All the best my friend 

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Posted : 7th June 2020 7:02 pm
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Thanks @kevthekev40 for your comment - I certainly take note. I hope you're getting back on track and can get back up to 1 year GF and beyond!

I'm very aware of the financial implications of gambling - I've built up a lot of debt over the past 5 or so years (well, it's a lot to me although very aware it's not 10s of thousands like some people have had) and so now chipping away at it. I hit rock bottom with that, literally didn't have any access to any other credit and now working to paying it off asap.

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Posted : 7th June 2020 10:05 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

I know how you feel my friend and it doesn't have to be 10 off thousands as everyone is different and even hundreds make a big effect on us. I'm glad your chipping away at it and at least you've got a plan and know how to get there. At the moment I've not got a plan as the company doesn't seem to be bothered in taking payment they just want the lot and I've not got that sort off money as they just seem to hit the bank with direct debit hoping to get a balance each time. I'm annoyed as I'm just a normal person like yourself and I don't have a big income as money comes in but it has to go back out to cover living costs. Well I've got a few people who are trying to help me but it all takes time and in that time the gambling company just keep draining the bank. God knows I feel so stupid and can't believe I'm in such a situation.don't you worry my gambling days are over just one day at a time 

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Posted : 7th June 2020 11:03 pm
T-Positive
(@t-positive)

Day 27

I struggled a bit yesterday and nearly had a slip up - lucky I've got a lot of blocks in place by the time it took me to find somewhere to spend my money (I didn't....) the urge had went and I came to my senses. So grateful for all the blocks I have in place - but this highlights that this is one long journey I'm just starting out on, and there will be many challenges along the way.

Day 27 though, I don't get this far very often AT ALL - so still very pleased with myself.

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Posted : 12th June 2020 2:16 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi @T-positive just read your diary really inspiring. So glad you had the blocks in place gave you the space to choose better keep it going !! I'm day 8 today and also glad that I have blocks in place. But I am starting to get some grit and determination back and feel more positive today than I have for a while. Best wishes stick with it

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Posted : 12th June 2020 3:34 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Well my friend I'm glad you nearly had a slip up as you could've easily gambled somway if you really wanted to, that just proves to me how committed and strong your being at the moment and that's great. I keep my eye on you and I know how committed you are, think off all that money you've saved all ready I know the debts still there but it's not got any higher and you be proud off that my friend as I'm proud as an outsider looking in, keep up the good work 

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Posted : 12th June 2020 4:03 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Well said that man !!

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Posted : 12th June 2020 4:45 pm
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