Renaissance

Hello friends

245 days since I went for it. The mother of self-destruction. I am still not over it - the debt reminds me every day - but I am still completely gambling free. I am gambling free to the extent that I even shuddered when someone told me they had won on the premium bonds . Ha ha talk about associations.

I see myself as still in the early stages of recovery. I still exhibit dysfunctional behaviours and have not really made any great strides in my personal relationships. I continue to behave badly and without foresight and reason quite  often. I think my pre-frontal cortex is shattered! However, I do now have a beautiful 2 month old grandson now, who I am looking forward to bonding with as he gets older. 

The massive losses I incurred still hurt too much. I should be moving on and having a more rounded existence with better personal relationships. Then the pain of the losses would recede. But the constant memory of my destructive behaviour does help me fight any addictive urges, which are still very occasional. I am not complacent though. I know the tricks of the mind and of the addiction.

Please be strong everyone. All the best in your recovery. It is just not worth it.

Best to all. Rob.

Dear Rob71,

Thank you for sharing you experiences, it paints a realistic picture in many ways. 

Keep going in your recovery,  and take care of yourself,

Best wishes 

Fiona

Forum Admin 

So 290 days into my gambling free journey. 

I am determined, but not complacent. My gambling escalated so badly that recovery will take time financially and emotionally. I think like others, Xmas and the winter have always been dangerous time’s for me. Time off work, dark nights, in the house too much etc but this year is different. I am climbing a mountain to pay off debts and working hard to do so. It will probably take another two years. I can’t do this again. I really can’t. 

As gamblers we have lost the art of being patient, of understanding that we can’t have everything now. I am beginning to learn. We also lose the ability to think about the consequences of our actions. I think I have never done much of that  and gambling has not done anything to help my rational self control as you would expect. These negative traits take some unpicking and require work. Hopefully in the new year I will be more mindful of my actions, more thoughtful and more empathetic.

Best wishes to all. Keep going.

Hi Rob,

Great to see you doing so well. Congratulations. 290 days is quite an achievement. I can imagine how great the 366 day mark will feel! I am due there myself in Summer.

Try not to eat yourself up about the debts. That has always proved fatal on the past.

I still have plenty of debt but I am already finding that these pale into insignificance- or, at least- less significance as time goes by and inflation and wage increases happen. That mountain will soon be a mere hillock!

Take care of yourself.

Mark 

Dear friends

Still GF and not far from a year. I’m never complacent and know that I’m not far from a disaster. But despite the frustrations of my debt, it is reducing and will disappear in time if I carry on. But I often wonder, could I live with having savings?, with a normal life?  not obsessing about money? Would I feel the need to throw it away if I actually get into the black?
For some of us we have to accept being okay with money, to learn not to obsess about our debts is a first step - because when we do pay them off what are we left with? Have we dealt with our emptiness and confusion inside? Have we learnt to live with highs and lows that are real and not manufactured by gambling?

As I’ve inferred before, for me recovery is much more than not gambling, but I can’t begin to recover if I gamble. So that’s the starting point and for now, for today I won’t gamble, because if I start I can’t stop and it only ends in disaster. 

Best wishes to all.

So 1 year I made it!

Never ever do I want to go back. I was on the edge of a cliff for sure. I pushed myself to the limit. 

I am not complacent. I start again. Another day,week, month and year.

This is going to be a financially difficult period for many on here. Don’t think about quick money or just trying to cover something with a quick bet/spin. You cannot stop remember so you will lose. Don’t risk a penny. Don't risk hurting yourself and your family.

Look after yourselves. You can do it. I was gambling for 30 years on (mainly on) and off. There comes a time when enough is enough. Time to admit defeat - you cannot beat this - which itself is a major victory.

Best wishes to everyone fighting this addiction.Keep going.

Crikey. You are the second person I congratulate this morning on reaching a year gambling free. Incredible achievement.

Lovely post to read first thing in the morning. I’m delighted for you.

RR

Huge congratulations on the year GF, and wise words from you about not letting the current circumstances allow any of us fall back into bad behaviours.

Dear Rob,

Congratulations on one year gamble free; that really is such a fantastic achievement! Well done!

Thank you too for your words of encouragement and support to others, it really means a lot. 

Wishing you all the very best,

Helen 

Forum Admin

Ah rob

Just breezing through... Glad I did now. 

365 days... I always knew you'd had the wherewithal to get hold of this recovery lark... It was clear from the will and determination outlined in your posts. 

Just read back through a few of your more recent ones, great stuff - makes for good, inspirational reading - a lot of decent insight there! Taking strength from your strength!

How's life as a grandad? Hope it's proving to be everything you hoped for and more... Little ones are such spiritual beings aren't they! Pure, innocent and keen to learn, grow and make sense of the world around them! Your recovery came at a good time - you teach that little one the right way, based on all that you've been through and all that you've experienced. 

I used to kick myself all around the park on a daily basis for the things I've done... Now I tend to pat myself on the back for doing those things but still finding the resolve from somewhere to do the right thing. I hope you feel the same way.

I hope everyone on here finds some peace and serenity in the end.

Great to see your still going strong virtual buddy!

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