Really wanted to start a new diary as I'm ashamed every time I click on my last one to see how badly I'm doing at this. I hope this is allowed, feel free to delete my other diary if need be.
I'm 22 and have been gambling for years, in five figure debt and really need to get my act together before I ruin my life. I've lost a lot at my young age and can see how it will affect me in the future. I don't want to live like this. I'm a compulsive gambler, I cannot just have a 'little flutter', it doesn't work like that..
I have blocks in place and have suspended my final account today, bookies are closed thank god and I shouldn't physically be able to gamble from now. I need to take it a day at a time. I tend to overthink, then get depressed, then gamble. As a means of escape, I'm sure a lot of people can relate.
This is my new start. One day at a time I will recover. Further advice is appreciated, I have done the basics, blocks etc. Thank you.
bula, sounds like you and I have much in common, but maybe we and the others on the forum can help each other stay strong. If you like, check out my post today about why I am back and there are some similarities to what you are going through; at least know, you are not alone and I am rooting for you! One day at a time..Jenilee
@jenilee thank you for posting I will definitely look at your posts. Indeed we are all in this together!
Day 1 - No gambling. Not checking the football later either, there is no need to. One day at a time.
Day 2 - Back to the gym. Focussing my energy here and its helping me take my mind off of gambling thoughts. I've got less money than I thought this month and this is usually a trigger to chase the money back. Not this time. Gym a few more times this week and friday tomorrow so we're close to the weekend!
Great job on focusing on the gym and not letting lack of money drive you to Chase. I also tend to chase after a loss or when money is tight which is more and more frequently after gambling. I am going to focus on reading writing and a home decorating game which is a non-gambling game that I do on my phone. I think it’s good to focus on other non-gambling past times.
Hiya, we've spoken on my post on another thread. Just wanted to wish you all the best on your own diary and to say that you mustn't let your guard down at all as complacency can set in. I remember around 4 months after my rock bottom that my mindset was changing and I was thinking 'well perhaps I am ok', thankfully I was able to remind myself of the absolute despair I had found myself in and I managed to abstain from any further gambling. I used GAMSTOP to prevent my online habit and I can honestly say it's the best thing I chose to do, I cannot speak highly enough of that service. Take care and feel free to shout out at any time.
Thanks very much for the support! Really going to give it my best this time
Day 3 - Yes I have been tempted to gamble, but I haven't. Going to the gym today to keep my mind off of it.
Day 6 - Doing well, gambling thoughts still there but unfortunately this is what life is when you're a compulsive gambler. Gym going well, I'm happy to be back to it.
Day 8 - Had a few calls about jobs this week so hopefully will have something in the bag soon! Things look like they are starting to pick up but not getting my hopes up quite yet. Still keeping a cool head with gambling situation but do still think about it. There is actually avenues for me to gamble but I can't figure out how to stop that at the moment. Although I haven't gambled, I am physically still able to. I won't go into detail as I don't want people knowing about it and possible gambling through that route. But anyways.. Things are picking up, slowly, but everything is better than the last few weeks.
Hi bula,
I've always said 1 day GF is an amazing achievement for a CG, so 8 days is an incredible achievement. It might not feel like it now but the world is your oyster at your age. I'm sure in time you'll find the job you're looking for and be able to re-write history as you strike me as a bright young fella.
You're right when you say at 22 you've lost a lot, but there's time to make a lot, & achieve great things. You know only your addiction is holding you back. When we're in the grip of addiction it doesn't matter what income we're on it's never enough whilst we feed it. Keep looking for the right job, keep to spending your energy in the gym & stay focused.
I remember long ago before my dad died he once told me earning a living & making money is the easiest thing in the world. But holding on to what you've earned is so much harder. If you stay determined to resist I've no doubt your true potential will shine through.
Sincere Best Wishes
Al
@slowlearner thank you very much for your words, it definitely gives me a drive to continue to do my best on this journey. Thank you again.
Stumbled and gambled. Lasted 2 weeks before resetting myself. Told my nearest friends about my problem now as I would use other casino accounts to gamble, I think this will now deter friends from letting me use their accounts. Back to day 1 tomorrow.
Sorry to hear you relapsed but well done for telling your freinds
However you really need to not hope it deters them..you need to tell them straight under no circumstance are they to let you use their account. If there gambling around you, you need to stay a way
I hope your freinds will be supportive but you really need to be strict with them and they need to be strict with you as well.
Sorry i havent read all your diary but have you received any treatment from gamcare ? They do a ccbt course as well as other treatments to help change your thoughts and behaviours around gambling
Lou x
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