Please be my last day of gambling heartache

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scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

Today I am feeling guilty, lonely and angry with myself. I have done once again what I have done year after year, month after month and day after day and lost alot of money due to my gambling problem. Tomorrow will be day 1 of being gamble free. Glad I still have money because I decided to block all my accounts when I lost my last big chunk. Hopefully this recovery diary can help me along gamble free. 

This topic was modified 4 years ago by scottyboy
 
Posted : 24th May 2020 8:07 pm
(@bless15)
Posts: 10
 

Hi scotty boy- I know exactly how you feel & the only light at the end of the tunnel is the fact you're thinking of your 1st GFday - so stay strong & don't look back just forward

Good luck 

ChrisV

 
Posted : 24th May 2020 8:51 pm
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

After a day of chasing loses am just lying in my bed completely broken, this horrible disease has took me to a all time low again. ?? Feel so bad for my amazing wife who does not have a clue of the damage financially and mentally am doing to myself. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day to get through but I will be determined to stay away from a bet a day at a time. 

 
Posted : 24th May 2020 8:54 pm
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 
Posted by: chrisviolet

Hi scotty boy- I know exactly how you feel & the only light at the end of the tunnel is the fact you're thinking of your 1st GFday - so stay strong & don't look back just forward

Good luck 

ChrisV

Thank you Chris. 

 
Posted : 24th May 2020 9:02 pm
duncan.mac
(@duncan-mac)
Posts: 4422
 

Scottyboy

fella welcome to the forum a place full of like minded folk who share the same desire to arrest that next punt.

 I will say this are you keeping your addiction from your wife? If so my advice is first and foremost you need to tell her everything because you will struggle to live without addiction using that fact to draw you in. 
if you have created gambling debt how are you going to repay it without your wife knowing?

 I lied to my wife for twenty years, I have broken her trust so many times I am ashamed to say and by rights she would have been justified to walk away many times.

for the past 116 days I have been wholly honest, there’s nothing that she doesn’t know and yes it’s going to be a long road ahead but there’s nothing to hide,

my wife now has total control of all of our finances and it’s going to stay like that for the rest of my life. Why? Because I am a compulsive gambler and I cannot have access to money because I cannot be trusted not to gamble. 
have you put anything in place to stop you gambling, I know how the immediate feeling of remorse and regret and I will hazard a guess lack of funds to gamble with means we promise that we will never gamble again 

I did that for twenty years and more and without blocks in place I would soon forget and repeat the cycle again and again.

a man much wiser than I said 

to repeat the same thing over and again and expect the outcome to change defines insanity.

there is a triangle 

time-money-location 

take one away at all times and you cannot bet

thats a fact.

recovery is a life choice, it takes a great deal of patience and hard work but I know I worked hard to facilitate that punt so I apply the same to recovery which will lead to rediscovery 

gambling addicts are not bad people, they are when sober some of the nicest,humble,kind hearted people I have ever met

but at it I was and will be if I gambled again the worst version of myself.

through honesty I am returning to the person that I can look back at in the mirror and live with what I see

take the help out there fella, there’s a wealth of it

be kind to yourself, be kind to your wife as a result.

just for today 

Duncs 

 
Posted : 24th May 2020 9:18 pm
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

Thanks for your kind words duncs. ?

 
Posted : 25th May 2020 11:10 am
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

Today I am so glad I stopped when I did before I emptied my full bank account y,day. Things could have been alot worse, though am determined am not going back to this horrible disease. It definitely does not allow me to be the person I really am. It's time to have a long look in the mirror and start making the changes. Feel terrible the way I am with family at times because of this horrible disease but no normal person could lose most of a monthly wage in a weekend and act like there is nothing wrong. Still getting through day 1 without gambling as I have blocked all accounts through blocking site. 

 
Posted : 25th May 2020 11:20 am
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

Well day 1 is almost over and with all blocks in place I can be certain it's going to be my 1st gamble free day for a while. Just finished a 13.5 hour shift and went and ran 3.5 miles. Better that than sitting looking at a betting site thinking how can I claw my money back av lost. That money is now gone and its time to move on and let it go. Hope everyone has had a nice gambling free day. Scottyboy

 
Posted : 25th May 2020 8:20 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Dear @Scottyboy,

I am sorry to read about your  lapse and the feelings that you are having because of this.

But I am so pleased that you have now had your 1st gamble free day for a while. That’s great.

Please remember that Advisers are here to help you at any time, we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you have an urge, or just need to talk then please get in touch. You can call on the Helpline number 0808 8020 133 or use the netline if you prefer.

Thanks for posting and take care.

Kid regards

Jo

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 25th May 2020 10:21 pm
(@vinnie)
Posts: 561
 

Hi scottydog,

Thankyou for the post of my diary ,

sorry to here you had a blip, hopefully see you on chat Soon ?

 
Posted : 25th May 2020 11:20 pm
(@libbyuk87)
Posts: 28
 

Well done Scotty for getting past day 1! Just keep doing 1 day at a time and we will beat this all together! Dont look back at the money spent etc we all know that feeling. I do not know how much you used to spend gambling but maybe put some the money you would aside and get yourself something nice once shops reopen!.

Keep going forward

Libby 

 
Posted : 26th May 2020 8:13 am
scottyboy
(@scottyboy)
Posts: 651
Topic starter
 

DAY 2 GAMBLE FREE. had few thoughts on money lost over the past while and was thinking of all the stuff I could have bought. It's tough right now with everything  still raw from weekend alone. Am glad I managed to put thoughts to back of head and work away for a while. As soon as I was home got the running trainers on and ran 5k.just getting back into running in this heat is not good but it's a dam lot better than sitting around losing money with face tripping me. Even managed to get bit of gardening done and game of football with my son. Throw a bet in there and there would not be any of the 3 done. Happy that I am through day 2 bet free and long may it continue.  Hope everyone has had a nice gamble free day. 

Cheers scottboy.

This post was modified 4 years ago by scottyboy
 
Posted : 26th May 2020 8:28 pm

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