One down. Next....

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Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One down. Next....
Yesterday was the 1st day that I haven't gambled. And it was a lot tougher than I thought.
I mostly gambled throughout the working day, so every time my phone pinged I thought it was another tip coming through. It wasn't because I've removed myself for those groups.
The habit of picking the phone up and checking was something of never noticed before. Until there was nothing to look at. I started reading the forums on here which has helped a lot.
I made it home without any temptation, and although pleased with myself I am full of remorse, empathy and guilt of how I've made my partner feel.
She wants to help. But in her own time. She needs to earn my trust again.
And I can totally see why. I've learned he hard way that this isn't just about me, it's about my nearest and dearest too.
So day 1 is done. Onto day 2.

 
Posted : 28th February 2019 9:47 am
(@lethe)
Posts: 960
 

Tipsters are bookies plants. They're in it for themselves. If it was really possible to earn a second income from gambling (it isn't) you can be sure they wouldn't be sharing the secrets.

Have you acted on the advice you've read here? Offered your partner financial control and access to your credit reports so she can see for herself there's nothing she hasn't been told? Found out about GA meetings and counselling? You can eliminate your access to gambling with almost immediate effect if you take the right steps. Feeling guilty and remorseful is natural. Mr L was full of self pity but your partner needs to see some meaningful action.

 
Posted : 28th February 2019 10:17 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

The annoying thing about the tipsters is I could see what they were doing. 1000 subscribers @£20 a month each. Their 2nd income isn't from gambling. Its from the promise of riches!
I have acted on advise here. She now has full control of the accounts. I'm trying to arrange childcare for a GA meeting next week.

 
Posted : 28th February 2019 10:30 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One down. Next.....
Yesterday was the 2nd day with out a bet.
A tough day as Thursday's were usually the start of the betting weekend. I had a lot of thoughts about which teams were playing over the next few days.
This was a distraction so knuckled down a bit at work. I think my gambling had a detrimental effect on my productivity at work. This is something I'd not noticed before. I got my head down and rattled through some stuff that had been on the back burner for a while.

It was also an emotionally draining day. My partner said she needed to talk to someone and asked if it was ok if she told her mom. Unwanted to say no but didn't. Not sure how it went as were not on speaking terms, which is understandable. She has issued me with an ultimatum. Stop this now. Because if I don't, her and the kids are gone. This has tore me apart.

I'm trying to be positive and not acting out of character in front of the kids, but I did snap a couple of times over dinner. If I lose, they're gone, so I need to stay focused on day 3.

Popped into the chat room last night and all I can say, is thank you guys soo much. You listened, commented, suggested and were positive. If anyone is reading that hasn't been in, I urge you to. Its worth it!!

So day 2 is done. Onto day 3.

 
Posted : 1st March 2019 8:02 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)
Posts: 1491
 

Hi jens, ultimatums don't work. They lead to secrecy. Your partner needs support too. Unfortunately most family members don't understand, as you see from being ignored. She can call gamcare and talk to someone too. Gamanon meetings for friends and family are great support and advice if she's open to that.

 
Posted : 1st March 2019 8:19 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

@Jens good to chat to you yesterday and glad you felt it got you through Day One.

I think your ultimatum you have been given probably a fair one even though it doesn’t feel like it at the moment right now. As gamblers we don’t realise the stress and pain we cause especially when we are trapped in our little bubble.

Some tips that I feel are a must are;

1. Sign up to Gamstop if you bet online. This will remove all the ability to have a quick 5 minutes which turns into 3 hours and an empty bank account or two.

2. Speak to the Exclusion helpline and get excluded from all Bookmakers in your area. This should hopefully deter you going in as to be evicted from the shop for me would be mortifying.

3. Leave your cards at home. By doing this it removes the ability to get money out of your account to then empty. Maybe give them to your partner to look after.

4. Carry only a small amount of cash. I have gone from carrying cards and cash down to £10. If I need to buy something extra then I would use Apple Pay. In saying that I haven’t had a need to do that so far.

5. Submit to here every day and tell us how you feel and how you are progressing. It will help you strive forward.

I have also started a little savings option which is motivating me daily not to gamble. It isn’t much but it shows me growth. It started after reading ChasingRainbows strategy. Maybe moving £1 a day will help you get through it as that will be £30 in a month or £365 in a year.

Just remember one day at a time and keep smiling. Every day is a challenge and we can beat this if we try.

CJ.

 
Posted : 1st March 2019 8:25 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One down. Next.....

Yesterday was my 3rd day without a bet.
Managed to keep myself occupied with work and a battle with a plumber so no tempting thoughts for most of the day.

I think 3 days is the longest I've been without a bet in ages.

I'd usually place a few regular bets on a Friday night but last night I cleaned the cooker at the time they would have started. I was tempted to check the scores but i resisted that urge.

Had an early night. Partly because I'm exhausted at the moment. Partly to give my partner some time and space away from me.

My sleep has been better. I wonder if the waking up to check bets has gone and my brain is starting to focus on what it should be doing at night? I'm no expert but it sounds plausible.

So day 3 is done. Onto day 4.

 
Posted : 2nd March 2019 7:30 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 4th day without a bet. A Saturday. The busiest day of the footballing week. And usually the day I lost most money.
But not yesterday.

I kept myself busy ferrying the kids from football training to party to gymnastics to another party.

During football training I went for a walk around the park, found a bench and just sat and thought.

Mainly about this is a much better way to spend an hour instead of looking at the fixture lists. It was a calming peaceful experience, one , I'll do again.
My phone pinged. It was my mom. Her local pub team has a football predictor challenge every week and she wanted my team. I never pay any money to this, she does it for me, so my 1st though was technically it's not gambling. Balls to that was my 2nd thought. I text back...”count me out please”.

Further around the park, my phone went again. A couple of colleagues at work and I used to put a bet on every week. £1 between us. I sat looking at the message asking who was putting it on this week.
I closed the message and carried on walking. Thinking of a way to get out of the group. Couldn't think of anything plausible so at the next bench I stopped. And typed “this getting a bit too much for me lately and I've been gambling far more than I should. So I'm stepping away". Send.

This was really hard to do. I sat and cried as it meant that more people knew my problem. The weird thing is that although good friends, I wouldn't class them as close friends. But I'd done it. I heard my phone go again. The message was from one of my colleagues. “that's very honest of you. If you need to talk you know where I am"

I felt a lot of relief at this reply.

So a positive morning, a hectic afternoon as a taxi driver and lots of chilling out with the kids meant a pretty good day. Apart from the battle with the plumber but thats not for here.
So day 4 us done. Next...

 
Posted : 3rd March 2019 7:44 am
Lil30
(@lil30)
Posts: 232
 

Well done! I can hear the strength and determination in your posts! Keep the focus up and keep busy! This place is a lifesaver for me at times, and, interestingly I started on the twitter tipsters...

 
Posted : 3rd March 2019 8:23 am
(@lethe)
Posts: 960
 

You don't have to explain or make excuses about anything to anyone if you don't want to and in any case it might not necessarily be in your future best interests to be associated with 'a gambling problem' should anything go wrong with the finances or cash in the work place.

Mr L just tells work colleagues the draw/sweepstake/lottery syndicate/night at the dogs isn't his thing and leaves it at that. No-one's ever questioned it.

 
Posted : 3rd March 2019 11:12 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One Down. Next....

Yesterday was my 5th day without a bet. And you know what, I didn't think about putting a bet on at all.

I did however think about my gambling. And the effects that its had on my nearest and dearest.
I went on a clear my head run and all I could think about was those that I'd let down.

I know my partner has told her parents so I thought I'd write them a letter trying to explain my actions. And what I'm doing to put things right. But I wasn't sure if this was the correct action to take.

I joined a live chat with an adviser on here. This was really helpful and made me think about things a bit more. My action plan has changed. Im still writing a letter but to my partner instead. I think she needs to know more than her parents. They'll get a letter next week.

So that aside, I've kept myself busy, done a couple of jobs around the house and went to a christening.
I even listened to the Everton v Liverpool derby. And for the 1st time in got knows how long, I've enjoyed a football match for the football.

So day 5 is done. Next....

 
Posted : 4th March 2019 7:32 am
Gareth1983
(@gareth1983)
Posts: 60
 

Hi. Thought I would comment and say thanks for posting this thread.
My story is very similar to yours and I can relate to everything you have written. I opened up to my partner and mother about my addiction only lГ st Wednesday after gambling heavily for years and ending up £34000 in debt. Today (monday) is day 5 not having a bet for me so I am in a very similar time scale to yourself.
Keep strong and keep your chin up.
Cheers

 
Posted : 4th March 2019 8:41 am
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

Gareth1983 wrote: Hi. Thought I would comment and say thanks for posting this thread.
My story is very similar to yours and I can relate to everything you have written. I opened up to my partner and mother about my addiction only lГ st Wednesday after gambling heavily for years and ending up £34000 in debt. Today (monday) is day 5 not having a bet for me so I am in a very similar time scale to yourself.
Keep strong and keep your chin up.
Cheers

Thanks for the message Gareth. It helps me to write it everyday. Glad it's of use to you.
Just taking each day at a time.
You keep strong too.

 
Posted : 4th March 2019 3:12 pm
Jens
 Jens
(@jens)
Posts: 57
Topic starter
 

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 6th day without a bet.

It was a weird day. My head hurt. A dull ache all over. And it felt like the b****5 screen image had been etched into my eyes. If they were closed, I could see it more clearly. Less clear if they were open, but still there. I didn't think about placing a bet though, which is good.

Went through the credit card statements to try and get some answers. Namely how much and how long. Its all been a blur really.

I asked my partner if we could talk about how we are feeling. She again understandingly didn't want to. I said I did and told her how sorry I was for all of this.
She said that she'd been through the mistrust because of money with me already years ago, and she didn't want to do it again.

I told her it won't happen again. And that I will do everything I possibly can to regain and earn her trust and respect again.

This hit home pretty hard. I could really do with a hug.

The chat room helped massively as usual. I really don't know what I'd do with out you at the moment.

So day 6 is done. Next....

 
Posted : 5th March 2019 7:27 am
(@lethe)
Posts: 960
 

Please don't put pressure on your partner to talk. She has enough to process on her own account. You may be able to earn some trust back at some point maybe much further down the line but that is for her to decide if and when she's ready.

You won't be able to explain your actions to a non CG in any meaningful way. I have never had an adequate explanation from Mr L and he doesn't understand it himself. Better to look for a GA meeting where people who have been where you are will get it in a way non gamblers never can.

 
Posted : 5th March 2019 2:25 pm
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