NOT A DIARY TYPE OF PERSON!!!!

To add to that when I think about the fact I lost thousands in a few days, and to spend 6 months working extra hours been anxious, irritable, can’t treat kids can’t treat myself  and basically have a lot worse quality of life. For those few days of betting it’s not worth it. 6 months of life, let’s say we live 75 years average. That’s 0.66% of our life living in a state where we aren’t happy, anxious, working like a dog. That’s a massive part of life. If I didn’t have to work tomorrow I could have spent this time with the kids. Time is too precious I need to continue on this road of been gamble free! 

Hi @sean121

Great that you are doing so well in not gambling, you should be very proud of that.

I would say though that the pain & anxiety won’t ever leave you or get any less if you don’t confide and tell your partner. You have come a long way on your own but the strength and trust it could bring you from being honest with your partner as well as yourself will set you free.

Speak again soon

Coming on here to keep myself on track of my recovery. It’s never beaten always one day at a time, I am 68 days gf today so I should give myself a pay on the back. 6/7 weeks time I will have dug myself out of the whole I was in so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Have to remember it’s one day at a time and the longer I abstain from this horrible disease the better mine and my family’s life will become. 

Thanks @sillyboy1981 for your response and advice much appreciated. I think the reason I don’t and haven’t confided in my partner is a few different things. One is in very proud and am the main provider in our family, I also recall my partner saying she wouldn’t want to be with a someone who has an addiction and have to deal with other issues in a conversation. Also my past relationship I told my partner everything and she weren’t very supportive or didn’t seem to care she just looked at me in a negative way I think that’s the main reason I am reluctant. 

Just checking in, still gf and approaching 100 days soon which I will need proud of. Still it’s a long road to fix what’s been done but the light at the end shines a bit brighter each day. I guess this road though never ends of you want to stay gamble free for the rest of your life. You can never relax and take your eye off the ball! Looking forward to Xmas and a few days off work and to spend some time with the family. 

Hi @sean121

Hope you’re doing well?  You’re doing great with what I see in your diary, what day are you in right now? I want to scream and shout from the roof tops with you when you hit that 100 day milestone!!!

Keep plugging away and enjoy your Christmas 

Speak again soon

Coming up to 100 days things are definitely looking brighter! Would never have imagined I could do this 3 months ago. One day at a time life beginning to look better but I’m aware how easily things can go back to square one. Will keep fighting. 

Thanks mate means a lot. Hope your recovery is going well too! Have to keep fighting! 

Well just checking in to keep myself level headed and ok the right track. 102 days gamble free today. Too busy enjoying myself the last few days and living a normal life to check in. Definitely proud of 100 days but now I need to focus on the next 100 and make sure I stay strong and make my life better. Cos it will definitely be worse with gambling. 

BOOOOOOM!!!!!’ @sean121 hugely proud of your milestone achievement!!

Thats as good as any feeling or present you’ll receive this Christmas… You rightly should be proud of this moment.

Keep putting other milestones in front of you.

Love that you’ve been wrapped up in your life too… So much good is happening with you now. 

Speak again soon BUT Yesssss love seeing this!

Just here to keep myself focused, life is progressively getting better. The light at the end of the tunnel seems closer and closer and I have definitely had some well spent time with family and friends and not on edge thinking about money and gambling all the time. Need to build on this foundation as I know the devil will always be on my shoulder. Just this time I need to find ways to keep him at bay and to have blocks in place once he rears  his head! 121 days gamble free today. Next mile stone 200. On a journey to a healthier and happier life. Tomorrow I will wake up early before work and take my partner for breakfast and get a hair cut. Such simple things that can make us happy once we aren’t consumed with gambling. Hope everyone’s journey is going well. Will check back in soon. 🙂 

Well what can I say, unfortunately I have been gambling the last 6 days and lost around £3100 from savings. Put myself in a horrible position yet again. Managed 4 months without a bet and I succumbed to the temptation. I have to pull myself together and start again from the bottom. I’m 38 years old and have no house no security for my family, if I’m literally wasting my life away. I wish I could lock in this feeling I’m having now where I hate gambling so much as it’s taking everything from me, my mental health my quality of life. This time I need to make more changes, more blocks and learn from this. My head if all over the place right now but I need to be strong. Back to day 1

I think the reason I ended up going back to gambling is that it’s always the temptation in my mind, I end up on social media and a gambling video comes up, then I end up watching YouTube videos of gambling and imaging doing it. I stopped for 4 months and as soon as things are looking up it’s like I want to bring myself to the bottom again. I don’t know. I know I’m gonna have to find the strength again to come back from this and start all over again. It’s hard to be positive and build a life for my family when I keep doing this. I work so hard just to throw everything away. I gotta keep going. And get back to been positive but this time things have to change. 

So I relapsed again, today was my last bet. I have put myself in a position where I can’t bet anymore. I’m in a worse position now than my relapse when I first started this diary. Back to the bottom of the mountain and I hope this time I can be stronger and I need to put more blocks in place. Feel absolutely emotionless. Why do I constantly do this to myself, every single time the worst happens. All the money is gone. Can’t accept losses and will chase the smallest loss. I have to remind myself I’m not a bad person cos right now I feel so low and I can’t bring myself to do anything, missed work missed time with family. I have to now work myself to the ground for the next year to replace the money taken from savings.How can I do this, this is money to try and buy a house and I just throw it all away for the little thrill of playing a stupid bet. I can’t think straight right now but I need to build the foundations to start again. I need to hold myself together, was so happy I got to 3 months plus not gambling. Now I have to  make more changes and self exclude from more betting shops, and try and see if my bank will stop gambling transactions also. Got to be more positive and draw strength from somewhere. I can get myself out of this mess but it’s demoralising thinking I will work so hard to do that and then if I have another relapse all the effort has gone to nothing. I just know I can’t give up on this horrible addiction. 

Day 2 today, got through day 1. One day at a time