No looking back

31 days gf.

One day at a time ?

Well done Stace your doing really well. ?

Thanks secret..I'm not giving up this time ? I've tightened my blocks too. 

❌GAMBLING❌

"I destroy homes, tear families apart - take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold - the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
And if you need me, remember I'm easily found.

I live all around you, in schools and in town.
I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.
My power is awesome - try me you'll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You'll do what you have to just to get by.
The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms, will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your heart.

You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised.
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and I'll take, till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned this is no game.
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed.
The voices you'll hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see.
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do.
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen.
Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away.

If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master; you will be my slave.
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not?
Its all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell.

Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell."

Signed
Gambling

Guilt!!!!!

How do people stop feeling so guilty..I'm eaten up by guilt at the moment..its just constant , I'm feeling so guilty about the life we could of had, I feel guilt towards my partner and children. I just can't stop feeling so guilty ?

Had a heart to heart with my partner last night. Told him how guilty I've been feeling and why. He made me cry with his kindness.. hes such a beautiful soul..never turning his back on me.  Hes said I won't move forward if I keep feeling guilty about everything. So today I've made a promise to myself to stop looking bk. I can't change that.. all I can do is earn his trust back, to be honest and stay gamble free. I can make our lives better  more so now that my mental health is more stable. Time to move on properly ?

Wow,

That touched a raw nerve Stace, my wife often tells me Well Done as each GF day passes. What can I do to deal with the guilt ?. Well here's all I can do, say sorry but most importantly say THANKS  for sticking around whenever people told her I'd never be any good & she'd be better off without me. She's now got access to my bank account & can check where every pennies gone, I know she sleeps better rather than trying to figure out the next bombshell coming our way. Despite the misery my gambling caused that's all I have to offer, I can't change my past. But I still feel a sense of pride knowing I've broken that cycle ( more for her than me ) & every day she goes to work with colleagues who've enjoyed a normal life with husbands/partners they can trust for years & hope one day she can relate to the kind of life they've always taken for granted. We all know the damage we've done so let's prove the doubters wrong, & be the best we can.

Best

Al

Thank you so much slow for your post. Guilt is something I've been battling a while now, and now my mental health is getting better I feel like I'm feeling and thinking more clear and so the guilt is stronger.  My partner can access bank too, something I've always hidden but it feels good knowing if he looks at it, he can see im trying. Think its been 34/35 days since I last gambled. This past week been so full on with children being ill, gambling hasn't even entered my head. 

I'm trying to get past this feeling of guilt, but its hard. My partners car is broke, its not fixable, but we've sat down and gone through our finances and at the end of October we should be able to get a cheap car to see us through whilst we save for a decent one. 

The past few years of my gambling, I've always made sure my children get what they ask for , for birthdays and Christmas,  but this year, if I had of carried on gambling, my son wouldn't of had what he wanted, its his birthday tomorrow ,and I'm so glad I stopped, he's got everything he asked for. And I was sensible enough to save in a savers that I can't access the money until 5th November so I know christmaas is sorted to.

My kids are amazing, they never ask for much, and if they do ask for something and I'm unable to get it, there ok with that. I'm truly lucky to have really special thoughtful kids. I must be doing something right as a mum as people always comment on how lovely, kind and polite they are.

My family are my life, they kind of lost me the past few years, like I lost myself to gambling and awful mental health. But there getting me back now, and it feels good. My mental health is improving , each day my mind is clearer and my mood better. I no longer lie in bed for hours, dreading getting up, as soon as i wake, I'm up. I'm pushing myself to go out for walks, or to park with kids, or to see family etc and now its coming easier to do these things. 

Gambling took so much from me, now its time to forget about whats happened, I can't change that ,but I can shape my future into a much better one, which is what I'm doing ?

Anyway I'm rambling on now, no rest for me on a Sunday ? 6 lots of bedding to change and uniforms to sort so thats me today,  I'm gf and happy, il take that. 

Stace

loving that stace xxx

Thankyou adam xx

36 days gf, another day gone ??

Logged in , to be faced with a big '39'  on screen. I'm 39 days gamble free. It feels amazing and already my mental health is better and finances. Gambling truly does destroy everything.. 

Had a couple of down days, especially yesterday as was in hospital 9 hours with my poorly daughter. My children really are my everything..I will stay gamble free for them, my partner and myself. I want my happy family back ? 

Stace 

Hi,

The next move is to prove you're worth your children & wonderful partner. It's a long road & a hard road but you'll get there I've no doubt. You need to give your daughter support during this health crisis, find a new means of transport for your man for work. All in all a mammoth task.

What do you think is the easiest way to deal with all this ?. Take a punt & hope you win ?. I think you already know the answers. Family cars come & go just as urges come and go. I get the impression you're beginning to see addiction for what it is & the inevitable results it brings. Plod on, keep doing what you're doing & I know your future will bring more happiness than your past so called solutions. It's all about making the right choices. When the going gets tough the tough get going.

Best

Al

Thanks al, I defo wont be gambling , we've gone through finances and in about 3/4 weeks we will have enough to get a cheap car, do I can stop feeling guilty over that. As for daughter , she's in safe hands. With drs helping and lots of Cuddles and support from me, she will be ok. 

I'm done with the gambling life, I just want to give my kids a good future now.

Stace

Hi stace..  just wanted to say well done on the continued progress and change of outlook..... You seem like you're a million miles away from where you were at the start and the outlook will take u a long way xx

Ah Adam thankyou, honestly I am feeling so different to how I was. I feel like I'm living again, not just existing, and it feels good. I've had a hard few years and I'm finally on the right path in all aspects of my life.

Day 43 gamble free today..not even thought about gambling for about a week now  , even when I had a couple of low stressful days, it didn't enter my head..

Stace