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DanLeoOscar
(@danleooscar)

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the talking side of things, feeling very nervous. I have been a gambler for 12 years, it all started when my Mum passed away at the age of 18, I got my first job to get out of the house and as the money was there I gambled and was exposed to that world. I have not gambled for 4 months, but the damage is already done in the sense of my debt total is £70,000 to various creditors, and my partner who has been a rock has debts of £25,000 but again due to me. I have not been able to stop thinking of it lately and last week, Monday 3rd June I tried to take my own life, I overdosed on as many tablets I could as I just wanted to get away from the feelings of everything and the damage I have caused. I am 30 years old with a loving partner and 2 young boys (aged 1 and 3) but that didnt enter my head when I attempted suicide, I felt they were better off without me. I just thought I would see if anyone can offer inspiration, I recently under the suggestion of a mental health counsellor started a blog into the story of my gambling. The idea behind it being that it comes out, I have gone public to all my friends and family, some are shocked and probably do not know what to say but I do feel a tad better. 

I welcome any advice, I have never been in this dark a place. 

Thank you all,

Daniel

This topic was modified 2 months ago by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 11th June 2019 5:40 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear DanLeoOscar,

Welcome to the GamCare forum. Thank you for sharing your story here. Sorry to read that you were in such a dark place that felt you had to attempt to end your life. We hope you are receiving support from your GP and/or local mental health team. 

We are sure that other forum members will be along to provide inspiration as you have asked. You might find that more people notice your post if you post in the New Member Introductions section as well though. 

If you'd like more immediate support with your gambling and the other issues you're facing, why not give us a call on the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133, or chat to us 1:1 on the NetLine.

Best wishes and keep posting,

Forum Admin

ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th June 2019 9:17 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)

Hello Daniel,

Welcome to the forum. Im the same age and had been struggling since my mid teens with compulsive gambling. My last bet was 26/09/17.

When we gamble money doesn't matter to us, its just our means to act out our addiction. When we come around and see the mess we have created it can be tough but you have what you need, you just need help finding yourself again. We get lost in our own worlds with addiction and we lose our self respect and self worth. You have a family that loves you and will help you if you let them. Its time to let people help.

You need to start by helping yourself first. You can't trust yourself with money or the opportunity to gamble and need to limit and block both as much as you can. Sign up to Gamstop, self exclude, hand over finances, credit and debit cards. You need to relearn money and its value. Search out debt companies that can help set up payment plans if you are struggling (eg stepchange).

There are reasons we gamble and triggers that can affect when. This forum is great and i'd say whatever you feel like saying, this is the place to write it. Its probably the case that the people close to you won't ever understand why you do this, and maybe you don't yet, but people here will listen and not judge. Ask about counselling, i managed to get 12 weeks (1 hour a week) of phone counselling free of charge and it just helped me say out loud the things i had held in for years. GA is another option for peer-to-peer support and helps a lot of people so look out for a meeting near you and give it a try.

I know its hard and sounds crazy after all the pain gambling has caused you but you need to ask yourself if this is it. Will you draw that line, do everything you have to do and start to get on top of this addiction? It's not as easy as just saying "its bad for me i'll just stop". We all know that but its tough to face what we have been hiding from and the debts we have created. The fact is the better life can only be found away from gambling where ever we find ourselves now. Tomorrow is only better if today we don't gamble, because we can't stop until we lose everything. You haven't lost everything yet, don't risk it. There is hope and its worth the fight, your worth more than you know, but you will find that out along the way to recovery.

All the best.

This post was modified 2 months ago by sjw
ReplyQuote
Posted : 11th June 2019 9:39 pm
maddogavfc
(@maddogavfc)

Hi mate, I understand you must be in a terrible place but just try and keep going. You sound like you have a lot to live for so just keep on perservering and I have no doubt that you will come through. Do not let some little demon like gambling come between you and your special family. 1 love bro.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 12:02 am
Mikeyb888888
(@mikeyb888888)

Hi Dan

This is my first time o  this tonight.

Your story just hit me I'm sorry I feel your pain.

I am in the same situation as you. 

I am 31 been gambling since teens I tried to take my own life last year. I live on my own it can get lonely which is harder. 

You have a family make sure you  cherish that. 

 im still gambling now 6 months on from trying taking my own life. 

I lost all my wages this month and am going to struggle getting to the end of the month im also about to lose my job as I have been on a downer for months due to gambling so have been suffering major anxiety and depression. 

 

However today I'm feeling strong as ever even know I'm broke and I am in financial difficulty for a long time. 

I have come to realise one thing we have to fight for our happiness being depressed will only make things worse I dont have know one to talk to that will understand this that's why i thought i would come on  here. 

 

I have tried CBT gambler anonymous counselling gamcare you name it I have tried. And I'm still gambling. 

I can admit It i have no control

 The reason I'm not upset now is that I'm used to it.

I think as long as we admit we have a problem we will some how fix this I dont how long it will take but it can be fixed. 

 

For me I know I need a partner and will never find one like this. I lost.my ex wife due to gambling and how do you even find a partner when you are down depressed and broke. 

 

So for me that's my motivation to stop now. I have so many plans for my life and because of gambling I cant do nothing !

I am not your everyday gambler I can stop for 6 months and blow 7k in 5 mins. I dont get an urge daily but when I do there is no stopping until a empty account. 

I promise my self I will beat this disgusting disease !

Dan be strong brother we can do this together !!! 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 12:19 am
bdog
 bdog
(@bdog)

Dan & Mikey,

160 days ago I hadn’t gone a day without gambling for about 20 years. I can’t believe how different I feel almost half a year on.

Has it been tough? Yes

Was it worth it? Yes

Theres no magic wand lads and I won’t pretend it’s easy, but if you really want to stop, you can. We are all here to help. Have a read around and find out what works for you. Loads of good people here to listen, support and challenge if that’s what you need. 

Stick at it and keep popping on here. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th June 2019 6:56 pm
DanLeoOscar
(@danleooscar)

Hi,

Thanks for the comments, I have now self excluded from all sites as of today. I have actually made the decision to close all of my bank accounts also and spoke to my workplace who will now be paying in my wages to my partners account. I will no longer have any financial access which I wont lie does make me anxious but also makes me feel safer at the same time in the knowledge that it will be off my shoulders. 

I have made enquiries on how I can get some counselling for gambling. I have counselling sessions for my depression starting soon, I think there is underlying issues that I must address, I gamble the most when I am alone in my thoughts, anxious or depressed as it takes my mind away from what I have on. 

Thank you all for the support, joining this forum and hearing others stories and the welcome I have received thus far has been amazing and I am so grateful, I think it will be the best thing I have done. I hope I can also give some great advice one day to others to help them along the way.

Dan

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th June 2019 8:34 pm
bdog
 bdog
(@bdog)

Some great, extremely mature and brave decisions there. You should be proud of yourself.

I always feel weird saying be proud of yourself on this site... but we must. We’ve made a good choice to be here and need to be positive. Well done for making strong life choices. It will only benefit you in the long run.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th June 2019 11:08 pm
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