Yes I totally understand kev it is evil I turned into someone I didn't like lying decieving manipulating I wasn't brought up like that totally against my morals. Getting found out was really bad and the guilt has been awful but it has allowed me to be more me again. Does that make any sense. I'm not perfect nobody is but I don't ever want to go back there I know it's early days I know there will be tests. But how I feel atm sits much betterwith me and I'll fight for it. Before my son becomes a man I want to be able to hold my head up. I'm hoping things start to get better for you.
I'm so glad your on the right track
And I know that you've got it in YOU to be the parent your son will be proud off, just think there's so many times in my life I've made mistakes in my life due to alcohol, as I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and when I got this it changed me from being in a very high powered job to being someone who spent a year in Preston burns unit with severe burns. I ended up on the life support machine for 4mth dying 3 times. When I awoke I had no hand it was like a ball off liver with No7 fingers. I changed from out going to a person who couldn't go out without being totally drunk it ruined my life and has gave me years off he'll. Just like anyone else I've not had an easy life
Hi kev o*g severe burns you have had bad time . Is the ptsd from the burns? Hope you don't mind me asking questions
Yeah I don't mind you asking I worked in Blackpool back in 1994 I was an entertainment consultant just booking act's for the piers cruises ect. I was actually the youngest agent in the north west. Well I had worked for the company since I was 16yrs, I moved from Scotland as had an evil step dad. I lived in a bungalow on Preston new road in Blackpool but the boss wanted to build an office in the basement so booked me into a hotel for 6wks well one night I had finished work and went to the Dutchmans hotel as I was meeting chubby brown for a drink all the entertainers would go there and jump on the drums ect and just have an unwind as we all worked long hours. Well I stayed for an hour had one drink and drove back to the hotel, as I walked through the door I looked at my watch it was 2:15am I didn't have to get up till 6am jumped in bed and I heard all this shouting I was on the top floor opened my door and smoke was everywhere but it was 2:28am .I ran and got out. But there was an old man from st Helens who had came to the hotel for 10wks as he did this every year. He wasn't out side so not even thinking I ran back in and made my way to his room so much smoke I couldn't see anything. I got trapped I couldn't breathe but managed to make my way to a Windows on the 3rd floor. It wouldn't open but I couldn't breathe no more I put my fist through the window and dived out the window head first as thought I would rather die hitting the ground than burning to death. And the last thing I remember for 4mth was someone putting a wet blanket over me. Yeah my life has been one of those stories
But 3 people died in the fire George had took a heart attack at the top off the stairs, when I got out after a year all my confidence had gone and I couldn't do my job again
So sorry kev that's awful. Sorry if I dug too deep I worked as a nurse for 30 years and I believe the more you know about someone's life the more empathetic you can be and help if you can. Trauma causes mental scars that in turn can cause addiction, my traumas are different to you're but also caused me mental scars.....you know the rest !! Well I'm hoping things are on the upturn for both of us. Never give up hope it's what keeps us trying
No you never dragged It up I told you because I wanted to, that was my problem for years I tried to blank It out and used alcohol as medication. All I get now when I'm bad is nightmares and no matter how many times I get them it's like I'm there again
Yes blanking things is never good always finds a way to come out flashbacks nightmares etc. Are the nightmares less often?
No I seem to be getting them every night lately as I'm stressed that is why I'm not sleeping hopefully it sorts its self out
Yes stress always drags these things up. All the money gambled and then everything that has followed on from that causes that acute stress. Then it's like your mind makes it worse for you by dragging up past traumas it's cruel isn't it
Just life Will get there in the end thanks for your concern
Anytime kev. On a lighter note hubby is away for few days so less stress for me few days !!! Me my son and the dogs.... Lovely
Oh I'm so happy for you as you need some you time and not being put down all the time as mud sticks plus you start to believe it then your on that road again. Just remember we all make mistakes and you deserve to be happy
I'm starting to believe I do kev . And by the way so do U !!
I know but after what the kids have
Went through with me being stupid and trying to take my life I don't want them going through anything else at the moment. They worry about me I think if they see me and I look down they think I will do it again but I wouldn't I just need to show them I'm strong then if things aren't going well I will have to make the choice to move out but I would rent somewhere close and have a spare room it's just so hard with financial difficulties at the moment due to what I lost I feel like web would struggle with 2 houses but I've got something coming into play It just has to stay under wraps at mo will let you know nearer the time
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