New me started 5th June 2020

Day16 today. All in all a very calm day. I give thanks for that

Hi diary day 18 today. 2nd counselling session today went well. Threw up a lot of food for thought for over the next week mainly surrounding the unhappiness that initially drew me into gambling. She wants me to think about me and what can I do for gratification as I have now given up gambling. Ohhh "pandoras box" .Also get in touch with my gp and discuss the pain relief that I am taking as gp prescribed stronger pain relief without knowing about my gambling addiction. I'm glad she mentioned it as it had crossed my mind that I didn't want to swap one addiction for another. My husband is away working till Friday and I'm enjoying less stress atm me my son and the dogs. I do feel guilty about enjoying him not being here but now I've stopped lying to people about gambling I need to be honest with myself about my relationship with my husband!!!

Day19 I'm steaming towards 3 weeks I can't believe it !! Feeling a bit jaded mentally and physically I suppose it's only to be expected hell of a few weeks. Trying to be easy on myself chill out and relax, when you are gambling it wires your brain 100 miles an hour and I think trying to come down off that zaps you. But you know what totally totally worth it. I definitely never want the stomach churning, cold sweats, racing heart EVER again !!

Good work, keep going, one day at a time.

Chris.

Ty Chris appreciate it. I hear what you're saying one day at a time don't get ahead of myself !!

Slow and steady wins the race

Today is day 21. Gamble free wise is going really well. Marriage wise .............. Say no more. I am NOT going let him derail me !!

Hi diary day 22 today ! Had my first text today trying to tempt me site id never even heard of ...... Blocked.......... Deleted . Feels good .

Well done on dealing with what could have been a very difficult situation in such a positive way. It’s awful that so many companies still send texts and emails like that. I’ve had quite a few emails lately and all I feel now it anger and annoyance that they have even sent it to me, followed by delete and block sender. They are definitely not getting a single penny from me ever again. 

Well done on 22 days, you are doing great! It also seems from reading your posts that you are feeling stronger by the day and that is great to see. Keep up the good work. 

Lively

Hiya Charlie my friend 

I'm glad to see your doing well as you've always got a good word for the people who need it and you deserve to have a gamble free life and just love life to the full and be who you want to be not the person gambling makes you, you are always there when I'm feeling down and you make me smile thanks for being you

Hiya Charlie 

I hope your okay as I know how hard it is when your partner just wants to put you down all the time as your going through enough without that aswell you can't say your husband hasn't made a mistake in the marriage or am I just assuming that?  What age are you Charlie if I'm not being to personal its just I'm 43 and I don't know if I'm going to move out try and be friends and do the best for the kids I can't go through when she's on the phone talking to her friends about me, I don't talk about anyone as it's none of my business. But I won't put up with to much more as I can't put myself down everyday especially when I'm trying my hardest to get by this as I know its my fault but its an addiction 

Hi kev. I'm 54 I'm glad I can be there for you. You were one of the first people to post for me and I remember it being a lifeline in a v dark time. We have been together 21 years married for 11 of those and probably last 8-9 years I would describe as difficult. My husband is an extremely moody person I'm the opposite but I don't want people to think I'm blaming him for my gambling but his moods are a trigger for me. These are some of the things I'm talking about with the counsellor. Also gambling became more of an issue as our son has got older and obviously doesn't need me as much/ spend as much time with me and I have felt trapped and the future looms where he will fly the nest and it will me and hubby, and that thought is just.......... Well gambling that was fairly controlled became a real problem lose myself for hours and hours and you know the rest also lose loads of money. So that's stuff I'm working through now I've stopped gambling and can think much clearer. I'm v thankful for gamstop as removing the temptation is massive for me. So like you just going one day at a time. 3rd counselling session Monday and we are going to talk about finding my way again without gambling !!! I feel more hopeful about the future I know I can't gamble again it's so toxic to me. So there we are lots of work to do on me for my future!! What about you you seem at a bit of a crossroads?

Ohhh and believe me kev  he's made plenty of mistakes, mistakes that he doesn't like to be reminded about !

That's what I thought 

As we've all made mistakes and it doesn't matter what you see as worse a mistake is a mistake and people should remember that good bad we all do things that we're not happy about and I bet YOU helped him through it after so long. I know my partner has made some really big mistakes and I've let them go as I've always wanted to keep the family together when really I should've left but I don't bring that up as I feel so ashamed for what I've put the family through. But if things keep going the way they're it will come to the stage that I get somewhere or she does as I know the kids would want to be with me but I wouldn't wish that on her as I've made things bad enough lately 

I'm not that bad 

But also not that great as I'm a closed book but I've had to open up to people over the phone that's not been great. But I'm lucky due to the amount of people I've got working by my side. But as you know I nearly died before that sort off help was on offer. I've always seen my doctor every week for the last ten years as he sees how I'm doing before giving me my medication for the week. But I've found it so hard over the phone as we've always been face to face and he can get things out me by the way I react. Life is hard at the moment as I'm not sleeping so that's not doing my mental health problems any good. I still can't get over how much I lost in such a short period of time and how I left my family with nothing. I think that will take along time to get over plus I never want to gamble again in my life it's evil