New me started 5th June 2020

Hi Charlie boy, thanks for asking. I'm doing great, still reading like you but not posting much. Can't really believe it's 16 months since we reached rock bottom and with determination to get where we are now. Hope you and your's  are good.  Onwards and upwards

Hi Charlieboy, was beginning to get worried about you but just seen you have posted on Aum's diary and glad to see you are still 8 days in front of me. Hope you and yours are well and you have a great Christmas

Onwards and upwards!

All the best

Well just logged on for a read checked my days counter 585 !! Things are going good, few weeks back I thought that I was becoming complacent as it was almost like I'd never ever gambled. So I started reading more often, but I don't think I am it's just my mental health has improved so dramatically especially since I got past the year mark. So all is good, to anyone who's struggling...dig deep you can do this

Hey guys, Meant to post for 600 days but it's 601 today. It's a good sign for me I'm no longer fixated on counting the days. I've come a long way in recovery and I've accepted that recovery is until I leave this world. There is no room for complacency all my blocks remain in place ,I'm excluded from everything and although I have a little more to do with our finances my husband is firmly in control. I still don't have access to account details and that is fine by me, I accept I am a compulsive gambler and I will always be one bet away  from disaster. This works for me and gives me confidence around money...something I have never had even pre gambling. We can all do this, recovery is for all ?

Posted by: @charlieboy

Hey guys, Meant to post for 600 days but it's 601 today. It's a good sign for me I'm no longer fixated on counting the days. I've come a long way in recovery and I've accepted that recovery is until I leave this world. There is no room for complacency all my blocks remain in place ,I'm excluded from everything and although I have a little more to do with our finances my husband is firmly in control. I still don't have access to account details and that is fine by me, I accept I am a compulsive gambler and I will always be one bet away  from disaster. This works for me and gives me confidence around money...something I have never had even pre gambling. We can all do this, recovery is for all ?

? Congratulations Charlieboy ?

I am indeed proud to be sharing this journey with you dear friend. You have always been a wonderful source of inspiration to me. 

Thank you for sharing the good news of your excellent progress in recovery and best wishes for the future.

Stephen ?

Day 642 well didn't I just get bit on b**t !! I've been trying to use my experience to help others, and up till now it hasnt been difficult for me to share. Today I was supposed to be a guest speaker at an event I had it all planned what I was going to say and I'd talked it all through with a lovely guy from ARA. As soon as I logged into the zoom event I recognised a name and the organisation that he represented right here in my neighbourhood. I couldn't breathe, panic set in. I was bounced right back to the feeling of shame, guilt and self loathing, I pulled out of the event and now feel like I have let people down again. This is the pits, gambling is the pits. I believe the saying .....don't look back move forward !! I guess this is going to be another thing I have to move forward from, I guess it's served to show me that some bumps in the road will be painful. The lovely guy from ARA is worried now hes phoned me twice and he's arranging for my original counsellor to phone me and talk things through, I very much appreciate this. My mental health is good now I can survive this....dig deep, dig deep and move on 

@charlieboy you’re a success story on here. You asked for help, were offered advice and followed it through so congratulations on your recovery so far.

I understand the shock of potentially having your private life on display to someone you might know, not strangers who wouldn’t know you if you walked past them in Tesco.

What I have learned I’d that people tend to be supportive rather than judgemental, especially when you’re doing well.

I hope you can get back on the zoom horse soon and give your speech, I’m positive many people would find it inspiring.

Chris.

Thank you for your reply,  and as always for your support which is much appreciated. I do feel I can help others and I'm not giving up on that dream , I believe it is part of my moving forward !! There are many opportunities coming up and have no worries I will be trying again !! Just another bump in the road of recovery

Hi

You will find healthy people who will be nurturing and encouraging towards you finding a healthy life with out addictions.

Dave L

@charlieboy 

Hi

Talking publicly was with me from day on walking in to recovery,

Then I was then invited to do a conference in Calgary, my biggest fear ever, I declined and declined but lady told me it was only a short session.

OK if it a short session I will do it.

Just before conference I was told sorry mistake it is an hour and half.

I lost a**l retention and was so stressed out.

Do I write things down, do I have a list, then accepted it, again my fear being asked a question I could not answer.

I did talk then opened up to questions, and the interaction was very healthy.

I asked again any more questions, then I was informed I had gone over time.

I could not believe it went so quickly.

I have been doing talks in a recovery centers for over two years, again the fear being asked a question I could not answer.

Then one day it happened and all I did was laugh, the funny thing the whole room laughed with me.

And to this day I am unable to remember the question I was asked.

The people understand how vulnerable you were, you have talked about it and that is healthy.

By sharing to all people they will help understand them self and their own emotional vulnerability.

Your fear was with you before the person walked in.

I understand that if my levels of fear are very high even today I can go in to panic mode.

My sharing is to help people understand my healing process.

For me to heal I both needed and wanted to get it done but slowly.

Often I am my own worst enemy.

I am sure in time you will over come your fears and give a healthy sharing of your recovery journey.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Hi charlieboy, this must have been awful for you. We have been on this journey together from the start and you have repeatedly shown how supportive you are to anyone who wants to listen, giving good advice on lived experiences. I get where you are coming from with this as sometimes I have wanted to comment on certain things and then stopping because it would reveal my secret to people I know. 

We should no longer feel these thoughts of shame and disgust at ourselves as we have coped admirably steering away from this awful addiction, but, I guess it will stay with us somewhere deep down forever occasionally rearing its head.

We are both now only 3 months away from 2 years gamble free and life for me is so good now and it sometimes feels unbelievable to think we could have got this far.

All the best 🙂

@bladesman ty once again for your support. It was most shocking because it wasn't something that I had thought about . I help run a youth club and the guy who was on the zoom meeting does a weekly sports session for our club !! I've shared obviously with family and friends but not with a wider circle !! I'll be at youth club on Monday if he saw me on there I've prepared a reason for being on there. Feeling more positive again now and June sees us completing 2 years....2 years !! I'm so proud of us

@charlieboy 

Hi

Once our fears reduce we are ready for therapies and opening up more.

When our fears reduce our trust starts to grow.

What is powerful to give up talking about being in action and money lost.

Recovery is about healing nurturing and encouraging our self to healthier decisions and choices.

I use to limit myself so often in the past.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Well well well 730 days so 2years....2years!!  Life is good I'm good, thanks to those on this site who have supported me, never stops I'm always aware and blocks in place, no complacency for me. Always one day at a time 

Congratulations. Well deserved.

Chris.