New beginnings

3 days of work has passed by and I am feeling very positive about things.

Got a informal verbal warning at work like literally what does that exactly mean?!? Though the council has increased my wage so thank you very much ☺️☺️☺️ I now have the bank trying to claw my money back for me off my holiday, aww quite sad I really tonight should be having takeaway, drinks and getting ready to go away but to be fair it's not something that bothers me, there is so many bigger and important things going on in the world at the moment. Hopefully everybody is keeping safe and staying sane. 

I am 3 weeks gamble free, trying my hardest to turn my life around and create a new norm for myself ☺️ 

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what a difference in your posts fella, no anger and getting your ducks in a row

be proud and keep making the right choice 

abstain and maintain 

from it enjoy that pay rise and above all keep yourself as safe as you can 

with honour and strength 

just for today 

Duncs 

Cheers for your words Dunc, definitely recently I feel more at peace and acceptance with everything which probably all relates to me being a better version of myself!!

Just started my 4 days off work first time in a while I haven't felt apprehension in what could happen over these 4 days. I'm still leaving the bare minimum in my bank account at the moment too as not to be tempted by anything.

Was reading an article before, some salesman won over £xx on an online casino which is great, he reckons he's gonna stop, he was staking £xx spin, I really doubt he's stopping. Wouldn't surprise me a year from now he's in trouble yet the newspaper are glamourising the story?!? 

4 weeks gamble free on Friday night, quite a nice little achievement ☺️ might bring vodka and beer for my celebration ???.

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Diary today I am feeling extremely positive, there's no real reason for it other than am not gambling which means am not stressed which leads to me being extremely relaxed and chilled. Infact I feel a bit guilty about it today because I know people are in such terrible positions working on the frontline but fingers crossed everyone is ok in the regard.

That article I spoke about yesterday has really annoyed me still hahaha it's just the lack of responsibility with it and I hope it ends well but I kinda know it won't.

I was watching this video vlogger on YouTube she's kinda disappeared and deleted her social media?!? Kinda makes me think she's lapsed but hopefully that's not the case, her stuff really helped me at the start. One thing I loved what she said is about expectations for other people and how we shouldn't have them as it only leads to disappointment.....how very true!!

As I've said before am not a big fan of counting days as an achievement for not gambling but it's 4 weeks on Friday night since I last gamble and honestly milestones like that do make me somewhat proud of my achievement ☺️☺️

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It's been a full week since I last posted, feel like I've been through the mill a bit and just got lazy in not putting anything here.

Feel like I've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, feeling high and low and not finding my usual middle ground. I feel like people haven't been treating me right too and using me when they need or want something and that's it I'm disposed of but am not sure if that's true or a bit of paranoia I'm going through at the moment.

Still achieving my goal on the gambling front, though everyday feels slightly more of a battle at the moment. I guess when something rocks the boat I become a bit weak and vulnerable but just gotta keep plodding along. Life certainly could be a lot worse.

After tomorrow I have 7 out of the next 8 days off so really looking forward to that. Worse is semi stressful at the moment, false allegations etc etc, so glad am in the union for a bit of protection.

Till next time

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Hi.. I relate to the highs and the lows and general feeling of life being a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

Having said that, you seem to be doing mighty fine.

You have strength of character and your not gambling.

Good stuff.

Regards, S.A 

I have found my medium and straight line again!! Perhaps it's to do with having time off from work, maybe it's because am not mixing with others I think it's a combination of both.

Been listening to a few podcasts recently, nothing insightful just old ones to make me chuckle and smile. Kinda something that really hits home in this lockdown is how much I just enjoy my own company. I'm truly at my happiest when I'm alone. Not sure if that's a little sad and pathetic but it's just the truth really. Though sometimes I let people affect me too much which is slightly annoying.

Not had any urges to gamble in recent times which is really nice, it's nice not to be stressed out by it all. 

Hope everyone else is keeping well

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Just in the middle of my 4 days off enjoying the sun and most importantly enjoying life again and everything it has to offer.

My local council has extended the pay rise I am getting until march 31st next year now ☺️ though I've been told by my union that some companies are still trying not to pay it, I just know mine will be one of them ?? hate them haha watch them prove me wrong.....it's all reverse psychology haha.

Just been to do my weekly shop, just under a week until payday ☺️ 

Just going to enjoy some time in the sunshine soon. Got some beers chilling in the fridge. 

Still working on getting my money back from me holiday........I'm seeing some really cheap ones for next year haha don't tempt me!!

My motto at the moment is by not gambling I am winning and that's very much how I am feeling ☺️

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Hello diary

When I'm feeling somewhat negative I like to come here and vent my frustrations but I was lying here this morning feeling extremely positive so I thought I'd spout some positive thoughts for a change.

When I logged on I see I am 45 days gamble free, it feels great not necessarily because of the amount of days but the happiness and peace in my mind for which I feel like I have returned to kind of who I used to be. I guess in reality you lose sight of a lot when you're gambling and you don't realise the impact it has on yourself and on others too. 

I got the money back from the hotel yesterday through the bank so I was really pleased about that. It's extremely annoying how large companies are exploiting people during this crisis. 

Work is crazy at the moment different things cropping up. Mixed messages from management on different policies, they refuse to allow visitors into the house yet they allow new staff to start and put everyone at risk?!? Makes no sense. 

The best thing about the past week is the minimal thoughts about gambling and temptation. I know for the rest of my life it doesn't matter how long I've not gambled for and how much I'm in control I'm a gambling addict. The longer the streak of not gambling goes on the better I am feeling. 

I started writing this with sunshine coming through my window and now it's raining haha I apologise!!

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Hi... great stuff on the gamble free time. Glad to read your feeling positive.

I totally get the mixed messages from management at work. I got told off for not challenging one the residents son's whom was delivering shopping to their mum. The manager says, he could have brought the virus in and yet I am wandering around willy nilly as I please, as are necessary trades people and others. We are all then going out into the community. I still get on the bus. I think I am more of a risk to the residents than this persons son was. Its a big project, proper lock down just isn't possible. I think to myself... why isn't management keen for me and other care workers to get tested?? They only care about you getting a test if and only if you dare to go off sick.

Sorry this has turned into a moan.

Keep up the good work. Today the sun shines

Hey s.a this is my favourite topic to moan about at the moment haha you raise good points though.

Just my humble opinion but even though I like you have to get public transport to work and perhaps other colleagues too you all put your trust in one another to be doing the right thing and keeping social distance when required however when having anybody visit a home you just don't know who they've been in contact with and I do personally agree they shouldn't be allowed in. Here things just get dropped off at the front door. People who live alone are actually the ones at most risk out of work colleagues because we don't know what other people's partners and kids are up to!!

Here's the ultimate mixed message for you.....about 5 weeks ago a service user had coronavirus symptoms, told to self isolate which is difficult for people with learning disabilities. He had been in contact with all 3 other service users who at that time were still going the local shop. The company's health& safety officer said it's a deprivation of living to tell these they can't go to the shop even though they're coming into contact with someone who had suspected symptoms, 4 weeks later we're told if they don't keep to social distancing they're not allowed out?!? It makes no sense them 2 stances!!!

All I know is these care providers well alot of them anyway they should be named and shamed how they've treated the staff and the whole care sector needs looking into and a overwhaul is needed.

Am ranting haha

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I must admit am quite glad that am not working in a learning disabilities facility at the moment. Like you say contradictory dictates from people in management, but the reality on the ground is that social distancing is a non starter for many with moderate learning disabilities, unless of course they are wheel chair bound and then staff just park them up 2 meters apart.

Hows life treating you at the moment?

Regards, S.A

I logged in today to see I am 53 days gamble free, I spoke with my parents a while ago how I had created a new norm in my life that I was gambling everyday and no matter what I lost I would go back because I didn't have any will power. Something which they didn't truly comprehend. 

Over these last few weeks any thoughts of gambling or temptation are none existent inside of me because I have created a new norm that gambling is not apart of. I am not foolish to believe I have climbed the mountain and seen the light but I am no longer seeking to gamble and I am a much better person for it.

I have currently taken the weekend off work so in the early stages of having 8 days off!! I am however currently updating my c.v and will be job searching once that's completed. It seems that the pay rise for care sector in my local borough (Wirral) will not be implemented by my current company, needless to say it is an utter pisstake from them. Nothing is concrete but when you can't give a simple answer for what your staff are currently working for the writing is on the wall. 

Found out today someone I went to school with has passed away from cancer, so tragic. Leaves 2 young children behind who won't have the opportunity to remember there mum, truly heartbreaking. 

I think more and more during this supposed lockdown mental health is becoming more of an issue do I hope everyone is keeping safe

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Not alot has really happened since I last updated, which in the process of all this actually very good news.

Feel so like I'm quite far away from the circus of gambling though it will be tougher when the bookies opens up again. 

Enjoying the heatwave at the moment and back in work tomorrow. Onwards and upwards

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