I'm 48 and I've been gambling since early teens. I think the longest I've ever went without gambling is 2 years. I've all the blocks in place from exclusion from the bookies, arcades, casinos I have gamstop, gamblock on my phone and gamban yet still I find a way to gamble. Today I went in a bookies and chanced it and I was able to gamble for 2 hours unchallenged so now its in my head that I can use this bookies and no one will ask or notice that I'm excluded. I worked 70 hours overtime last month and I blew the lot and more in 2 hours.
I can honestly say that I hate gambling I absolutely detest it yet it draws me in like a magnet and I can't remember when the last time was I actually collected and walked away with money as I always seem to lose, I never seem to walk away with money in my pocket.
I get no fun from gambling it just makes me feel numb and drones me out just tap tap tapping the button spin after spin watching 2 bonuses come out time and time again thinking next time I'll get the 3 and when it does drop I get nothing.
I need to stop this cycle of never ending self destruction as to me this is a form of self harm as I know the outcome and how I'm going to end up feeling at the end of it yet I still keep doing it to myself.
Pretty much my whole life I've been a slave to gambling and I really wish I could just stop once and for all.
Hello @hopeoverfear
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story in Forum. It appears that you have been proactive in putting blocks in place and is also positive that you have been able to reach out today.
I want to reassure you that you are not alone and plenty of support and advice is available here and also by calling our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or you can connect with our advisers also via our Live Chat. The service is available 24 hours and we would be happy to discuss with you your options moving forward.
Please do continue to share your story and look forward to your call.
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
. I worked 70 hours overtime last month and I blew the lot and more in 2 hours.
I would print this out 50 times and put it everywhere you go , the bathroom , the car , the breadbin , the back of your mobile phone
Anywhere thats going to remind you not to fall back into the same trap
30 years of gambling / losing is more than enough to know you arent good at it , would you spend 30 years on a failing business no it would be jacked in and put under
It is said that the lower self esteem we have the more we will compensate with gratification (booze, gambling s*x, drugs etc) I am starting to believe it more now because I have had no dam clue what I have believed about my self esteem. I have such bad contact with who I am that it has totally passed me by because I had my head around my gambling addiction. Some even say that we are actually more addicted to the addiction itself. The anticipation, the emotion the excitement the adrenalin the highs and the lows. We know its mechanic,. We know we almost always walk away with zero cash because we just repeat ourselves and we play to keep playing and to keep the moment till we have lost hours not realising just how much time we actually have lost. We just do not know why we do it.
Start with listing 5 things you think you could do better. Then look at each one of them and ask. Does this have anything to do with my self esteem? If the anser is yes then at least you know that this is something you could look into further. We need to grow and mature or we will just walk around in circles and do more gambling.
It is about the journey of finding yourself and grow. The alternative is just more of the same.
Best
C
Hi... We are of similar age. My story is very similar. I also have all those blocks that you describe, but if I really want to gamble I will always find a way, including chancing the arm in excluded premises. Its a very powerful compulsion for sure.
We have to keep finding other things to do in life that boosts are self-esteem, instead of the mindless escape of pressing buttons, hoping for something that ain't gonna come.
Keep working at it as I do the same.
Hi HOF
Your addiction will tell you its never ending and your cravings feel never ending but its NOT when you finally decide to fight it away
You do not have to feel resigned to your fate when you seek the right help and set up the right blocks
you need help and there is no shame in that. You need to tell people that you worked 70 hours overtime and blew the lot in no time
its a drug addiction and mental illness. Clearly you will never explain that as rational healthy or normal
you need to write that down as others have suggested and stick it on your wall
you need to sit down with your family and non gamblers and tell them that
you are addicted and confused. We have been there. I was in that state for 10 months after joining the forum. I got so angry after one poster suggested I was playing at it... I spent an hour or so deleting all my posts when that was possible on the forum
that person was RIGHT!! I was actually very ill and delusional. About a month later I finally picked up the phone to my father and started telling the TRUTH... I finally realised I needed serious help and secrets were destroying me
You can become free from gambling. At the moment you think you cant do it and are venting which I understand.
its the opposite..... you can do it when you realise the cold turkey needed and what controls you. I would stop you but you have to be willing to change with a born again moment.
I master my addiction by respecting it and knowing I can never be complacent about it ever
its your life and your decision
best wishes from everyone on the forum
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