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signalman
(@signalman)

Hi

Thanks for the well wishes and support during this break period. I have been reading the board most days and following journeys for inspiration - just not had the same inclination to update my story or chuck my two pennies worth into the other people's stories when the compulsion arises, I guess that's a sign of a good recovery so far... I have rather enjoyed existing on the peripheries of Gamcare and will continue to do so for the time being methinks...

Haven't had a punt since I disappeared - don't worry... Like ALN pointed out - at some point you just have to move on and embrace that shift, I guess that's what's happened to me. I see the new heads offering such wisdom and support to each other and it's a joy to see the alliances form just like they did for me when I joined gamcare last year (big salute to my crew KS2, slowlearner, ALN (you will always be ALN to me mate) Rob, A9 (special mention, anyone who has had the privilege of this man gracing their shores is very lucky) and most gracious thanks to all those who have helped me in some way on my journey so far...

I'm still up to my ears in debt but chipping away at it... Living modestly, still no mastery in that area but all the hard work I put into recognising addiction for what it is (it's various heads) has helped no end...

Who knows what will happen from here... All I know is that I need to STAY CONNECTED TO THIS NEW PERSPECTIVE.

For those new or struggling on here, don't be satisfied with just staying off a bet, FIND THAT PERSPECTIVE.

And yes, it requires a lot of work and soul searching, most good things in life require this dedication so get with the times and get on with it... You have all the resources you need available to you 24/7, use them.

nb - Christmas coming, don't go and f**k that up with a gambling escapade, the turkey will taste sweeter if you keep your side of the street clean. I spent many a Christmas at the table in body but not mind, my brain was marmite due to a heavy loss or bad run leading up to the day, and my phone would be constantly unlocked and clicked whilst at the table in the hope that zamalek had scored 2 or more against Al ahly SC in the Christmas day bonanza (Egyptian league)

What a life :o( never again. My son gets my undivided attention this year, and a decent present to boot. Set your targets for the end of year and go for them, you deserve happiness... Yeah you gambled your brains out but you're not rotten, your someone with a brain disorder that's trying to do good and make right again, if anything you deserve a hug and some respect and credit.

Take care all x

This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by signalman
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Posted : 3rd October 2019 11:24 pm
signalman
(@signalman)

Can I also just say joydivider I think you're a legend :o) its amazing work you do on here matey 👍✌️

#dont hate the player, hate the game (literally) 😆

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Posted : 3rd October 2019 11:32 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @signalman,

Congratulations on 401 days gamble free. Your journey so far has been a real inspiration for many. It is clear from your diary, if one reads it from beginning to end, how hard you've worked on your recovery, and I'm so pleased to hear that it has all been worth it.

Keep using the Forum whatever way it helps you the most. 

Wishing you all the very best.

Forum Admin.

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Posted : 4th October 2019 6:15 am
signalman
(@signalman)

If you work this properly for long enough then eventually you will wake up every day thankful and grateful for the second chance youve acquired to make your life work in the way you want it to.

Imagine that... 😉

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Posted : 4th October 2019 10:24 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hey man,

Congratulations on your recovery 401 days GF is amazing and something that I can only dream about at the moment. I’m on my 8th day so very much at the beginning.

I have been looking for an experienced campaigner to ask a question to in return for some advice. I hope you don’t mind.

I am at the beginning so worry a great deal about my debt and how long it’ll take to clear this so my question is as follows:

Does there come a time when you stop worrying/focussing on the debt? If so, how long did this take for you?

I hope you don’t mind me asking you this.

RR

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Posted : 4th October 2019 11:10 am
Stephen The Virtuous
(@stephen-the-virtuous)

Congratulations on 400 days gamble free. You are indeed a gamcare warrior of the highest order.

Yours is an excellent achievement and also an inspiration to other compulsive gamblers who are battling this insidious addiction.

You have shown yourself to be a man of courage, honour and integrity. I wish you every happiness as you continue on your great adventure into the unknown.

Stay strong, take good care of yourself and believe.

Respectfully yours.

Redeemer x 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th October 2019 12:33 pm
signalman
(@signalman)
Posted by: RouletteRegret

Does there come a time when you stop worrying/focussing on the debt? If so, how long did this take for you?

Listen mate, worrying about the debt is all part of the process at the beginning.

There is only one way out of the debt and that is to chip away at it at a rate you can afford over a period of time.

Eventually it will go away.

So - the choice is yours. You can do this and be consumed by the debt from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed and feel like s**t every day.

Or 

You can accept that you need to chip away at the debt over a period of years and spend that time not consumed with self-loathing, but instead consumed with the determination to dedicate time to learning about addiction, what underpins your addictive tendencies, what you need to do to address your character defects, what lifestyle choices need changing to keep addiction at bay etc etc.

It's hard graft and will take up a lot of time... Then before you know it 401 days have flown by and your debt is reduced + you're a much better person to boot. People keep telling me I'm a shadow of my former self, spiritually and mentally. People actually want to stay in a room with me and chat to me. I value myself and value others.

Boom. Gambling is a long, long way in the distance.

If nothing changes, nothing changes... Remember that.

Put the work in, don't go round in circles with this s**t like me and many others have done.

To answer your question, the more work you put in to explore your addiction the sooner you'll realise the money is not your primary concern, your mindset and core beliefs are your primary concern and they need addressing.

The time frame? Well the process is organic so get to it (if you're serious about change).

Good luck.

 

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Posted : 4th October 2019 12:59 pm
signalman
(@signalman)
Posted by: Forum admin

Dear @signalman,

It's clear from your diary, if one reads it from beginning to end, how hard you've worked on your recovery, and I'm so pleased to hear that it has all been worth it.

Really appreciate your message admin - I'm not sure im quite at the end of my diary just yet, my aim is to get to a point where I can email you guys and request that you move it over to success stories section. For now I don't think I'm quite there and still need to work at this (GA, counselling, helping others in daily life, money management, being a better dad and husband, exercising, eating healthily and a balanced diet etc)

Addiction is always lurking if I neglect any of the areas I have mentioned. They say that while youre in recovery your addiction is doing pushups in the car park... 

But I'm doing pushups and sit-ups and going running regularly so for now i can overpower it when it comes looking for me 👍✊

And yes, it comes looking for me regularly, even now. I'm always aware and ready when it does and know what I need to do to send it packing.

FIND YOUR PERSPECTIVE THEN STAY CONNECTED TO THAT PERSPECTIVE.

 

This post was modified 1 month ago 4 times by signalman
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Posted : 4th October 2019 1:18 pm
KS2
 KS2
(@ks2)

Fantastic to see you are ok Signalman.

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Posted : 4th October 2019 1:18 pm
KS2
 KS2
(@ks2)
Posted by: RouletteRegret

Does there come a time when you stop worrying/focussing on the debt? If so, how long did this take for you?

 

There is a "Sticky" by someone called Gamhelp on the Success stories forum.

 

2. DEBTS

* Tell your family/other half about your debts - ALL of them - so that they can help pay these people back. Make an offer to pay a bit a month - even £10 - no more sticking your head in the sand.

* It’s important that you pay the debts over the longest term possible, as it’s a lasting reminder of the consequences of your actions.

* Ask them to freeze the interest, and go for 5 or 10 years repayment terms. But repay you will, and it will help fend off your next bet.

* As well as paying back yr debts, keep a little back for doing something nice, a small treat, whatever you can afford.

 

You need to understand that the debt is a symptom not the underlying problem.

My debts (all of them) were just over £40k on 27th August 2018.

They are £35k now, so slow progress but I have lived a normal(ish) life over the last 400 days.

I'm not skipping a night out with my wife just to knock £100 off the debt.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th October 2019 1:25 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Signalman,

Thank you for your response and we’ll done on your continued improvements.

KS2,

Im not skipping out a night out with my wife just to knock £100 off my debt.

Crikey, that statement got through to me faster and harder than anything I’ve read here in the past week.

Thanks guys. I get it. Start from scratch, get better, feel better, enjoy life And everything else will take care of itself.

RR

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Posted : 4th October 2019 1:37 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hey man,

Thanks for posting on my diary this morning. Much appreciated.

Been reading some of your diary. I hope you don’t mind me asking but ref the running, sit ups and press ups - how often do you do this and how has it positively affected your recovery/mindset. We’re you always into exercise or was this something that you read/learned about?

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th October 2019 2:18 pm
signalman
(@signalman)

Hi ya

To be honest RR in the context of that post I was speaking figuratively about the exercise 😆

However yes I can answer your question by saying exercise has helped me immensely in my continuing quest to overcome this. 

Let me be clear though, I have always been a compulsive gambler and have been gambling all of my adult life... However I discovered that exercise was a way to flood my brain with endorphins + feel great the next day so exercised regularly alongside addiction (playing roulette on the treadmill... Nightmare) 🙃

Anyway it never got out of control per say until I had my son a few years ago and stopped exercising completely for a year and a half (lack of time I told myself). When I became unfit and overweight my self-image went down (which addiction thrives on) and the gambling increased tenfold.

6 months after going into recovery I got back in the gym and haven't looked back.

So...

Yeah it's probably another addiction... You could easily throw yourself into exercise as an addict. Is that a good thing or just addiction replacement?

Can't speak for you but for me it's different because this time round it's my ONLY addiction, and it's controlled (3-4 times a week) you won't find me in the gym if I'm required by friends or family, in my heyday addiction took precedence so that wasnt the case.

I have given up booze, alcohol, meat - basically any behaviour or activity I haven't been able to manage responsibly prior to recovery. 

I feel I got this. I feel great. 

Work out your vices, character defects... eliminate them.

Work out your targets and goals and go for them 😁

Don't start beating yourself after 16 days though if you're yet to feel spiritually enlightened (you're pseudo-masochist)  😃😃

Take care

This post was modified 1 month ago 3 times by signalman
ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th October 2019 5:07 pm
signalman
(@signalman)

Wow im just reading through the diaries tonight and it has dawned on me that there are so many sick and deluded people using this forum

But that's ok. That's a good thing. This place can be a place of healing if used with an open mind... And by that I mean an acceptance that each and every one of us has been affected by problem gambling (either directly or indirectly) and it has left us in a bad way.

I have come to terms with my sickness and delusion and how it has governed my life for so long. I'm not ashamed to be a gamcare warrior, even if the path to me ending up on here was sickness and delusion. All my life I felt like a helpless victim to injustices, perhaps I was, but who cares about that - what I didn't ever fathom was that there was a way out of this mindset. But to even get a taste of that new perspective I had to accept that my current perspective was intoxicated by the past and present. 

Using old behaviours, mindset and methodology to gain a new perspective? You do the math... 😯

Anger, hate, self-doubt, resentment, delusion, self-pity, envy, lust, denial, paranoia, lack of discipline etc etc

If you find yourself in a bad place after something happening in your life or after reading someone's words on here just stop for a moment and remember how you felt before that 'thing' came into your spectrum of thought. If that thing enters the pipework of an intoxicated mind, a work in progress, it will probably be warped into something it's not. Eventually as the healing process takes place over time the pipework will regenerate and purify, the same thing could enter your spectrum of thinking and you could end up seeing it completely differently.

There really isn't anyone on here who is hell-bent on inflicting hurt and pain on those around them. There are some 'tough lovers' on here, but they do it because they care, they are desperate to trigger that "born again moment" (joydivider ©) within you - where you begin to see addiction (and importantly compulsive behaviour) for what it truly is... 

You pull the strings in your own mind, nobody does it for you. So if something is going in there and making you feel like s**t, try pulling some different strings...

Over and out for a while ✌️ look after yourselves and work towards a magical Christmas (it's a great time of year isn't it?) All the more so if we keep away from a bet!!!

Ps I know none of the above is easy. But it is possible. That's all I'm saying.

 

This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by signalman
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Posted : 13th October 2019 12:29 am
signalman
(@signalman)

We are stronger together (even if we get on each others nerves sometimes)

Forgive, forget, move on, stick together.

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Posted : 13th October 2019 12:38 am
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