Forum Admin here, sorry to hear that you are feeling very low Derek, please do contact the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or NetLine via our website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ both 8 am - midnight, so we can offer you support and help with how you are feeling and your gambling issues. The Samaritans are also available 24 hours a day on 116 123. Please do remember that whatever you are feeling there is free confidential support available and we wish you all the best with your situation.
Why do WE self destruct. A drug addict would rob his own grandmother for his next fix & a CG is no different we too risk all for our next fix,from cash to love,respect that's the most scary part, feeding the addiction becomes more important than everything precious in life. Reading your post i'm not sure if your wife's in the process of leaving or she's already gone. Either way i can't know what's she's thinking right now but based on what you've said it sounds like she's reached rock bottom,Have You ?.
To self destruct as you describe is everyday life for a CG, but what steps have you taken to break the constant cycle of lose, borrow, try & win it back, get into heavy debt ?. If your wife has left, no-one on here can give you a written guarantee she'll one day return believing you've changed and willing to give it another try The only thing anyone can promise is no matter how bad you feel right now, things will only get worse until you're serious about stopping.
I can 't judge or make assumptions, but if your gambling has reached the point where you are heavily into unsustainable debt ( as i became ) and you have constantly told yourself you're going to stop ( as i did many times ) without support and blocks in place things can only get worse. I won't judge as i know nothing of your previous history. The hardest lesson i've come to learn is being sick of getting thrashed by bookmakers, online gambling sites & exchanges and being sick of gambling are two very different things.
I would advise that you find your nearest GA meeting urgently,contact GAMSTOP & immediately put blocks in place with a 5 year self exclusion. If ( as i suspect ) like most on here you can't stop hand over all your finances to someone you can trust. i survive on about £20 a month nowadays & have to account for every penny i spend. Harsh, brutal to some but so essential for me to maintain my abstinence. CGs and money have a toxic relationship.
Who knows what the future holds for any of us and a CG better than most knows that there are no certainties in this world,however everything said in this post is with YOUR best interests at heart. If you take not just mine but others advice on here seriously, contact your wife & tell her of the positive steps you've taken. Nothing i've said is guaranteed to fix or repair your relationships, but everything i've said will only make your life better than it sounds than right now.
Sincere Best Wishes & Welcome To The Forum
Managed some sleep last night.... some crazy dreams and still feeling numb. Docs this morning I think and take it from there.
Many times I thought I had hit rock bottom but have never felt like this the realisation that my marriage could be over has most def taken rock bottom to a new level....is this rock bottom? It sure feels like it.