My recovery needs to start today

Just my opinion and I may be wrong ( not for the first time ) but could it be worse for you this time because you actually want to stop for good where as before it's been maybe a little Half Hearted ? . 

I felt a sense of grief and mourning at the thought of never gambling again as it had always been there throughout my life and could never get my head around not being able to gamble again ? . 

The only thing that worked for me was not to try and look too far ahead , sticking to one day at a time always seemed an easier task to me . 

Maybe it's just that " Gambling fog " we all to suffer from in the first few weeks after stopping , with loads of different feeling's and emotions swirling around your head ? .

It does clear .......and clarity will return  🙂  

When we try to quit we are in a confused state mainly due to the financial issues...I abstained for 2 years at one time, the thoughts do lessen and you can become happy...however it takes days and weeks...each day one by one....I'd say similar to when someone has cheated on you actually....thoughts of why and when, etc.

I relapsed mainly due to having cleared my original debts several years ago, only to get myself back into the cycle when I let my guard now....8 days since my last relapse, save yourself the torture.

The mental strain cannot be valued, we try and win a few quid and end up with our heads in bits...choose yourself....you are doing so well..be proud of yourself for today and for tomorrow, and each day free of this

Thanks guys ?

I am so thankful for this forum and the people in it. I have never felt like I  ‘belonged’ in many situations, but I really do feel at home here.

I think you are correct with how perhaps I feel differently, as I really am determined to stop this time. In the past I think deep down I knew I would try and win again to get myself out of the hole, but this time I know I cannot ever do that again and I am faced with the reality of sorting out these enormous debts. 

Like my grandad said to me always no one wants to be the richest man/woman  in the graveyard, but every man/woman wants to die knowing they felt happiness, love, and enjoyed life the best they could. I have just thought of this! I am going to hang onto it. 

It is also  true that money worries cause stress, but no money worry is impossible to fix. Your mental health and physical health are what make you rich in this life. 

Wish I could take my own advice ?

good luck guys, and if you didn’t gamble today congratulations to you. I salute everyone who fights the fight 

So today hasn’t been as bad as the rest of the week. Today I was so busy at work that gambling hardly entered my mind.

When it did for some reason all I thought of was the total euphoria I felt when I had a big win . I have saved my own personal diary in the notes of my phone. That diary is filled with my deepest darkest feelings and thoughts laid bare completely, as it is private. I read over something I wrote a month ago and I realised how desperate I was in that moment ,and that moment was after a loss. 

I came here to gamcare and read some recovery stories, and my mind was soothed again. I get such a sense of happiness reading of other people’s success at recovery, and it drives me on to do the same. 

I am dreading the weekend as I have to see my parents whom I have had to borrow money off yet again this month. I actually dread seeing them as I feel so worthless and pathetic that I have kept borrowing money from them, and they are concerned about me I know they are. 

I am not ready to tell them yet and I know many here would urge me to, but I can’t at the moment. I want to start my counselling and try to get my head in a better place first. 

Today I didn’t gamble. Tomorrow is my 2 week mark. I have done this many times so I will only celebrate when it’s been payday and I can still say I haven’t gambled.

I am not getting ahead of myself here as I am in for the long haul with this recovery, and understand this is a lifetime commitment not just a quick fix.

As I haven’t had a month without gambling my entire wages away  for 5 years this would be the biggest first milestone to me. 

I so want to prove I can do this for one month , and once this happens I know I can only move forwards. Although I still feel like a walking zombie due to my stress hangover, something just feels different inside me this time around. 

You know I think we do much reflecting when we've decided to stop all this nonsense , questioning ourselves through internal dialogue, trying to make sense of how we ended up doing this to ourselves ? . 

I still have day's where I do look back (not so much now though ) and  you can't help it I feel at times but someone much wiser than myself once told me " It's ok to look back , just don't stare " which TBH has served me well as there's not much I can do about the past just the future :)) . 

I understand  those feeling's of being in a "Zombie state " as it was the same for me when I first came here , it's like your body and mind are in total shock for a while and although there's not alot you can do about those feeling's initially they will pass as time goes on . 

Two weeks to normal people isn't a great thing but to us it's a huge and monumental point that we struggle to reach, such is the power of our addiction . 

You've done so well so far and I hope the meeting with your parent's goes well for you , just keep getting through one day at a time for now and that milestone of a month will soon be here :)) 

Wishing you well 

Alan  

Posted by: A 9

You know I think we do much reflecting when we've decided to stop all this nonsense , questioning ourselves through internal dialogue, trying to make sense of how we ended up doing this to ourselves ? . 

I still have day's where I do look back (not so much now though ) and  you can't help it I feel at times but someone much wiser than myself once told me " It's ok to look back , just don't stare " which TBH has served me well as there's not much I can do about the past just the future :)) . 

I understand  those feeling's of being in a "Zombie state " as it was the same for me when I first came here , it's like your body and mind are in total shock for a while and although there's not alot you can do about those feeling's initially they will pass as time goes on . 

Two weeks to normal people isn't a great thing but to us it's a huge and monumental point that we struggle to reach, such is the power of our addiction . 

You've done so well so far and I hope the meeting with your parent's goes well for you , just keep getting through one day at a time for now and that milestone of a month will soon be here :)) 

Wishing you well 

Alan  

Thank you Alan for all your advice and kind words. I really appreciate it very much. 

Wishing you well too 

As Monday rolls around I am feeling the most flat I have done in a while. I am irritated by everything and everyone. I haven’t had any strong gambling urges and I am still determined to keep it that way, but I honestly feel like there is completely nothing to look forward to anymore. 

It is  so hard to realise my emotions when I have depression and anxiety. I am on medication but I have not felt quite this flat for ages. Maybe it’s the aftermath of the complete despair and shock I felt after I relapsed nearly 3 weeks ago. I don’t know! 

Work was okay and kept me busy, but as soon as I’m home my husband and kids are driving me mad. Every little thing is irritating me and I don’t know why. 

Hi LIH 🙂 . 

I truly believe it's the withdraw'l symptoms of gambling , the same as it is for nicotine , alcohol , or even chocolate your body has to learn to deal without it's constant hits of dopamine every time we gamble , even a near miss on slots or roulette or a photo finish in a dog race will cause a huge dump of the drug on our brain's .

It really takes time for those effects to calm down to a point that you don't need that hit or fix in order to just get through what would be a " Normal day " in everyone else's life . 

You have to gain reward from somewhere , a bit of choccy or pop out for a coffee maybe or do some deep breathing exercises to relieve those feeling's , even a long walk somewhere nice would be good ( if your into that  of course  ) . 

It is about just keeping busy and occupied for a while until it passes and it will 🙂 

Posted by: A 9

Hi LIH 🙂 . 

I truly believe it's the withdraw'l symptoms of gambling , the same as it is for nicotine , alcohol , or even chocolate your body has to learn to deal without it's constant hits of dopamine every time we gamble , even a near miss on slots or roulette or a photo finish in a dog race will cause a huge dump of the drug on our brain's .

It really takes time for those effects to calm down to a point that you don't need that hit or fix in order to just get through what would be a " Normal day " in everyone else's life . 

You have to gain reward from somewhere , a bit of choccy or pop out for a coffee maybe or do some deep breathing exercises to relieve those feeling's , even a long walk somewhere nice would be good ( if your into that  of course  ) . 

It is about just keeping busy and occupied for a while until it passes and it will 🙂 

Thank you Alan for your constant reassurance, you really are so helpful. I am not sure if I’m coming down with something or like you say it’s a complete come down as such. I feel constantly tired, have no energy, my brain feels like mush, and I could literally scream at even the sound of my husband chewing. I hate to feel like this it’s horrible.

I will ride it out, and where normally I would want to gamble so desperately the thought is actually repulsing me at the moment. Every advert on tv I literally want to throw a brick at it! 

I have seen on your profile how many days gamble free you are. It’s just  fantastic go you! You must have worked so hard. I will keep you as inspiration. 

Maybe give your husband some soup and a straw ? for now at least, poor bloke  :)) . 

Thank you for the kind word's though,  true it's been a while since my last bet but I still try and keep the one day at a time thought in my head, that way I never get too far ahead of myself . 

I was really fortunate that there were and still are some truly wonderful people on this site , who when I first arrived here just like you were kind enough to pass on a wealth of knowledge gained from walking the same path . 

I didn't always take it all on board as I think with this site you should just take what you need and dump the rest if you feel it doesn't apply , everyone's different and what works for one won't for another but whatever route you choose there definitely is a way  out of this and I'm saying that as someone who when first arrived couldn't have gone a few hours without a bet . 

The adverts the emails can all be flipped in your favour by thinking that those companies are so desperate to get you back and keep you in their grip , it's actually quite sad what their willing to do .

I've  said it before but you should draw strength from what you've already achieved and how far you've come in these last weeks , it's not easy but you've shown gambling the door and closed those doors firmly behind it to boot :)) . 

And remember  to count to ten and breath before you make your husband wear his dinner :)) . 

Take care 🙂 . 

Hi livinhope35

i am on day 4 so f it helps you are already an inspiration to me on day 17.  I am wanting to get to week 1, then double digits and so on.  Every day feels like a milestone at the moment.  I think my first big test is coming on my payday.  25th.  I am on group chat every evening at the moment, just chatting and listening.  I feel a fraud giving advice on day 4 but I can sympathize and also say well done to those, however tempted, who did not give in to the gambling demon.

the gambling ads now, like you, I see as a bad thing and I feel for anyone drawn into them.

have a good gf day ?

Posted by: Sarah1976

Hi livinhope35

 

i am on day 4 so f it helps you are already an inspiration to me on day 17.  I am wanting to get to week 1, then double digits and so on.  Every day feels like a milestone at the moment.  I think my first big test is coming on my payday.  25th.  I am on group chat every evening at the moment, just chatting and listening.  I feel a fraud giving advice on day 4 but I can sympathize and also say well done to those, however tempted, who did not give in to the gambling demon.

 

the gambling ads now, like you, I see as a bad thing and I feel for anyone drawn into them.

have a good gf day ?

Thank you so much Sarah that means a lot. 

Payday will also be my biggest test on 1st July. That’s when I had my last relapse, last payday. So I’m totally with you there. 

Im glad I’m not the only woman here also, I used to feel extra ashamed because I thought women shouldn’t possible get a gambling addiction. How wrong I was! And now some adverts are specifically targeting women! 

Anyway that’s another story. I hope you have a great GF day and as always one day at a time. 

Hi worthy

while so far we are in the minority but there are definitely a few of us on here and some names are gender neutral so who knows.  I know what you mean about the woman thing.  Gambling is perceived as old men in bookies betting on horses.  Everyone forgets the bingo halls filled with women as that is seen as less worse somehow.  My weakness is slots and always has been from arcades when I was young and developed to online.

i have gamstop installed which is proving a good stop and think tool but am on my guard.  Not sure what to do about things like lottery.  If I buy a ticket can I say gf.  There are differing opinions.  Some say if not a problem for you it’s ok and others say resist it all.

One day at a time ??

Posted by: Sarah1976

Hi worthy

while so far we are in the minority but there are definitely a few of us on here and some names are gender neutral so who knows.  I know what you mean about the woman thing.  Gambling is perceived as old men in bookies betting on horses.  Everyone forgets the bingo halls filled with women as that is seen as less worse somehow.  My weakness is slots and always has been from arcades when I was young and developed to online.

 

i have gamstop installed which is proving a good stop and think tool but am on my guard.  Not sure what to do about things like lottery.  If I buy a ticket can I say gf.  There are differing opinions.  Some say if not a problem for you it’s ok and others say resist it all.

One day at a time ??

 

 

In response to lottery ticket it’s gambling , I find it best to cut out the lot, I was asked to go in a little football syndicate at work but I refused, it’s all forms of gambling.

it really has to be all or nothing.it gets you into a clean mindset and keeps you focused.

just my opinion though, good luck you two.

Thanks for the insight holy.  I think you are probably right and it could be a temptation to lead to other things.  Thank you ?