My recovery diary (JENILEE)

Had urges all night last night after S.o. left for the week(is only home on weekends with his job). Resisted , stayed home bored and Watched TV instead. Proud of self for resisting.....feel its tough sometimes in changes I'm trying to make. Changing habits hard!

Gambled yesterday, didn't spend much , but found it wasn't as fun as I'd hoped. So left casino and went to spend time with my sis n 2 nephews (2 years old and 7 months old, they are such a joy!). Proud of myself for choosing to leave casino and go see family when I could've taken out more $$ n stayed at casino longer.

Will be no gambling today; a busy day planned with work and family visiting tonight. Have a cold /don't feel well, wish I could stay home..

Had phone session with the gambling specialist Counsellor today; she is very willing to meet me where I'm at with talking about my goals and trying to work on cutting down my current gambling. She is encouraging yet understands gambling well and I feel hopeful to gain for the ground and cutting back in maybe eventually quitting and working with her.

Hi Jenilee, very surprised to see you over on my diary since I think I felt I had given you a bit of a beating about quitting & great to see you are getting support this time! I think you know my stance on things & I maintain it as I tried controlling my gambling for years, maybe even decades to no avail. You aren't me though so I hope you do figure it out but what I would say is if you are serious about doing this your way, you have to stick religiously to the goals you set. It's right not to beat ourselves up too much over a blip but if you are allowing yourself to gamble & you gamble outside of those times, what is the point? You need to make it clear to people who 'encourage' you that you have set rules which you have to stick to & if this doesn't happen you need to think again about whether to be spending time with them. No gambling means barriers helping to keep you safe as you move forwards, doing it your way means you are relying on willpower alone, not a great tool in isolation.

Hope you've managed to shake that cold!

Thanks for the response ODAAT; still working with Counsellor but due to holiday schedule a bit of a gap in between appointments. Next appointment is tomorrow.

I agree is paramount to stick to my preset goals and continue to cut down more and more with gambling, whilst building up other parts of my life. This last week I have done just that, gambled only the once in the allowed amount; spent other times that I would have gambled with family time instead. Feels weird, like not going out to a casino on n.y. Eve like I always did in the past (just me and my lover staying in with a pizza and some movies).

But it also feels healthier to gamble way way way less!

So, I am back and feeling gutted by gambling. Want to try to quit. Financially and emotionally have been devastated. Almost lost my job, over gambling. Need encouragement. Feel sick. Can't seem to stop. Broke now. Feel worthless and hopeless.

Dear jenilee,

Just a quick note to check in with you as I see you have posted for the first time in a while.

It sounds like you have been through a difficult time and I'd just like to reassure you that we are here to support you in any way that you need. Well done for coming back to the forum and reaching out for support.

If you would like to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or get in touch via the netline then we could talk with you about your options for support including advice on your finances and referral for treatment support.

Wishing you all the very best,

Forum Admin

Hi Jenilee,

Haven't seen you around for so long and am very sorry to read the update.

Keep posting! You surely did well before and can do so again. Quit completely as we both know moderating this evil never worked..at least for us having this addiction. Is there any possibility to self exclude from places you're visiting?im aware youre from over shore and know every country has different rules in place.

Take it day at a time. Minute at a time if needed. Talk on here, read other threads, find inspiration to continue on straight and narrow.

Most importantly always remember that the way you are feeling doesnt have to stay this way and it will not...we change, we progress, we find a way forward even from most difficult situations.

Stay safe Jen, look after you.

Sandra