So I'm 27 days into my recovery and today I've had my first moment where I almost gambled.
So far I've been doing better than ever before. This is the longest I've felt I really hate gambling and what it has done to my life. I have been feeling like I've finally conquered it.
Earlier I realised I was going to be left alone for the night and when everyone went out I started to feel a little panicky. I just didn't feel like I knew what to do with myself. Have a cigarette (as well as gambling I've stopped smoking at the same time) eat lots of bad food, try and see if I can get on a website and gamble with the spare 20 quid I have in my bank.
So I've been writing lots of lists of things I should do when I'm in a bad way (just in case). And this is the first time I've had to use them. My list said turn your phone off for 30 mins and read your book. After 45 mins and a chapter later I feel very proud that I didn't do anything stupid.
I think a big thing in quitting gambling is the social aspect. I used to gamble on live casinos online and I liked feeling like I was with people and we were winning together. I watched a video recently and it said that these people do not care about you and do not even know you. They are just there for themselves. When I think back, most of my gambling has been when I've been alone in the real world. I think I gambled a lot to escape and not feel alone.
It really stuck it in my head that I'm not just stopping gambling for me. It's for the people in my life that really do care about me and even though I don't have many of those left, I'm not going to lose them.
Hopefully getting over this little bump will really help progress my recovery. I hate gambling and I know if I had of done anything earlier I would be in an even worse position. This website is helping me a lot so thank you everyone on here who is writing their stories and posts.
27 days. That’s a beginning of a life without gambling for you.
I also gamble when I’m alone and bored. An escape from my problems. Or so I tell myself. Except it creates chaos in my life.
Stay strong.
Carol.
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