[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I will save my brain and  patiently wait the 75 days ?. It will absolutely fly by. Love  you lots pal xx

?

I spose the way blockers work is like brain training. Like you can't find a way to gamble so you just have to ride out the storm of emotions and stuff and maybe eventually you don't get that wound up anymore? 

I hope so anyway. I'm having some pizza for breakfast and then gonna try and get some sleep. 

Laters. 

Drama. x

I burnt my pizza. I can't do ought. 

Lol. 

Good morning Drama. Wishing you every happiness today and everyday.

Soz you burnt the pizza but if its de wurster disister to visit yer than enjoy today wiv yer mista.

I had some lovely meals over Christmas whilst staying at my sisters and thought I would share a particularly tasty treat with you.

Tomatoes halved with garlic and harrisa on top in oven for 40 minutes. Delicious.

Stephen x 

I still ate it Stephen. Waste not, want not! Also #Yorkshire! Hehehe 

Sunday. 

So I woke up early and absolutely Hank Marvin! The fact that I had American Hot (and very burnt) Pizza for breakfast should give you an idea of the level of hangover I had. It was massive. I ate the pizza and went back to bed. I slept till lunchtime. I stayed in bed till about 3pm watching movies and just relaxing. 

I went to the supermarket and got lot's of whoops'd deals. Stewing Steak, Pork Chops and Lamb Neck Fillet. We are gonna eat well this week. I made Hubby a Meat and Tattie pie for tea tonight and he absolutely loved it. He's got same again tommoz. 

I did my two cleaning jobs that I had left over from Friday. I did the first one well but had nought in the tank for the second so just tickled it. 

I took Hubby to the pub for a pint and now I'm watching SAS Who Dares Wins. 

I am in some considerable pain today. I'm having a flare up in my hands. They are 6/10 painful. My shoulders and knees are maybe 4/10. It's not unusual for me to get a flare up when I've had flu. One follows the other. However, I think it's worse cos I've not being taking care of myself. I don't spose I'll be hitting the Gym this week. Just need to ride it out. 

I wanna stay up and watch the Green Bay Packers game but I'm kinda scared. Hubby won't stay up and if I do then I may get urges. I've told him to put my phone by his side of the bed when he goes to bed as I believe that will stop me wanting to steal it and gamble. I'm trying to be good. 

I'm really thinking hard about just not having a Smartphone anymore and going back to a regular mobile even if it's just for a month or two. However, it's the enjoyment I get from Itunes and Amazon and Netflix and all that when I'm at my cleaning jobs. But I'm only at them cleaning jobs cos of gambling so maybe if I just get used to listening to the radio or loading movies on my Archos or summat. I have an IPOD. I could spend a few bob downloading tunes onto that. It's a real nice one. (It's blue) and it clips onto my clothes and it's real small and lightweight. 

Removing temptation is definitely key to success. 

Also, my dog has been really weird with me today. She's not left me ALL DAY. She stayed on the bed with me and was snuggling under my arm. She keeps sitting in front of me and staring at me. She wants to be in my lap and real close. I have walked her, fed her real well but she's not slept at all and is real fussy. I normally only see this behaviour on bonfire night or new years eve. She hates fireworks and gets real silly. I called Hubby this aft to come down and sit with her cos I couldn't get ought done but she still just wanted me. 

I was wondering like does she know summat's wrong with me? Like that cat in the Nursing Home that was in the paper cos it always stayed the night with the person that's gonna die. Just a bit of paranoia on my part but I could not figure out her mood today at all. She has finally stopped after a trip to the pub and is sleeping by the door. 

That will do for an update. 

Drama. 

So sorry to hear about your hands and shoulders  and knees drama. I wish I  had something that could take the pain away for you. Your dog will be sensing how you are feeling. She loves you and wants to comfort you. I hope you can get some rest tonight. Love you pal xx

My Bella was acting strangely too recently. A bit irrate, constant asking for threats and attention. I love her very much but today i told her to leave me alone on few occasions ?

We made peace with me making full English at 21:00 ?...she enjoyed it for sure!

Hope you're well. physical pain is not something we all like to encounter..other than age i usually blame weather...it was a bit wet one recently.

If it makes ya better, i have endoscopy soon. Heard war stories about it so residing for local..if not general anaesthetic. ...hay ho..i just don't like pain i Guess..even if i take a lot of that on.

Keep pushing on...it will keep getting better

S&B xx

Posted by: Murlo

So sorry to hear about your hands and shoulders  and knees drama. I wish I  had something that could take the pain away for you. Your dog will be sensing how you are feeling. She loves you and wants to comfort you. I hope you can get some rest tonight. Love you pal xx

I love you too pal. Very much. I am proud of your success and am doing all I can to replicate it. 

Drama xxx

On another note. It feels really strange being honest with Hubby about my sneaky gambling brain and how it thinks but I love the fact that he is really non-judgmental at the moment and just does what I ask. This is real progress. I am so grateful that he has learnt not to get angry mad at me. It makes me hopeful for our future. 

D. 

Evening DL,

It sounds like you have someone who is willing to 100% support you. 

Very similar to Mrs Bal and something that makes you feel grateful for.

I personally think its a team working together through an addiction.

Best x

When I first joined gamcare and entered the chat room I was shy and unsure how to interact. I will never forget that you paid me attention, gently coaxing and coaching me. It was like you were holding my hand. You are a big part of why I am where I am today so I am going to say it:

You are a good egg Drama!!

Posted by: SB28

My Bella was acting strangely too recently. A bit irrate, constant asking for threats and attention. I love her very much but today i told her to leave me alone on few occasions ?

 

We made peace with me making full English at 21:00 ?...she enjoyed it for sure!

 

Hope you're well. physical pain is not something we all like to encounter..other than age i usually blame weather...it was a bit wet one recently.

If it makes ya better, i have endoscopy soon. Heard war stories about it so residing for local..if not general anaesthetic. ...hay ho..i just don't like pain i Guess..even if i take a lot of that on.

 

Keep pushing on...it will keep getting better

 

S&B xx

Jist in case you missed that.

Hope today is better ?

Monday. 

Hubby slept in. I say Hubby cos he's my alarm clock. He won't let me have a proper alarm clock because he has some sort of misophonia over the noise of them. They literally drive him crazy so it's his job to get me up in the morning. 

I tried to stay up last night to watch the Green Bay Packers game but I fell asleep in the first quarter after the first touchdown. I am useless! 

Anyways so waking up at 8. I had to make some choices. I needed a bath desperately. I also am responsible for completing a dashboard report for my boss. I have to be logged on by 10 because that's in my contract. I do my 7 hours a day but have to be logged on for the core hours of 10-3.30pm. I can flex the other hours around them. It's a sweet deal. 

I chose to have a quick dunk and log on from home to get the report done. I emailed it to my boss and explained that I had been up late to watch the football and I'm ever so sorry about not being in the office but I'll come in at lunchtime. Then I put....please don't be mad. Lol. I also said I'll book next Monday off cos they are playing late again and it's a very important game so I don't wanna miss it. 

When I'd done the report I made myself a Greggs Sausage and Bean pasty for brekkie. 

My boss emailed me back to say that's perfectly fine and did they win? He also said it was cool for me to have next Monday off. 

They do say honesty is the best policy! 

Anyways, so I went to the office at lunchtime. I saw my mate P and we had a brew and I got some beef bourgenyon (or however it's spelt) and rice from the Deli for dinner. 

I took some snacks for the afternoon. Sugar Snap Peas and small Plum tomatoes and a Belgian Bun. All of the healthy food! 

I spent most of the afternoon on the phone with I.T cos I'm having serious access problems with very key systems. I did some reviews on paper that I'll have to backfill when my systems get fixed. I told my boss that I'm recording what I've done on an excel spreadsheet in a shared drive so he can see what I've done and that I'm not tossing it off. He was okay with that. I am not used to having to explain myself so much but till this guy gets to know me better, I think it's for the best. Once he does get to know me, he'll realise that I always hit target and he doesn't need to worry about what I'm doing. If there's an element of doubt, I will seek help but I rarely need it. 

I did my two cleaning jobs tonight like normal. Grateful not to have any extra shifts to do this week. 

I am feeling very positive today. Like I can achieve my goals. It's no good dwelling on all the money I've lost. All the work I have to do to pay it back. It is done. It's time to draw a line in the sand and move forwards. It's a real peaceful feeling. All that anxiety that comes with hating on myself is a big old waste of time. 

That will do for an update. 

Laters. 

Drama 

xoxoxox

Ooooo and a local hairdressing college advertised on FB for models with long hair for a cut and blow so I've volunteered so I'll be getting my hair done on Friday. Very happy about that. My favourite part is when they wash your hair. I love it! 🙂 

Drama. x