[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Drama xx just write more in your diary.. It will give you so much satisfaction. Think of the bargain rail at tesco. ?

Boo x

I wanna do my 90 day fuddle like I have planned so I won't gamble. I'm just saying I want to for diary purposes. It's important to remember. 

Feeling well rested and calm. Dint do ought bad. Lets hope this week is a peaceful one. 

D x

England is the dwelling place of Lady Drama Llama

Who mingles with lords and scoundrels or even the local farmer

Sharp of wit she suffers not fools and always speaks her mind

When crossed she can get angry but is gentle helpful and kind

Stephen, your poems are wonderful. I disagree that I'm anywhere close to being a "lady" but it did make me chuckle. Cheers. x

Munday. 

I woke up. I logged onto work for 8. I did a run of the completed work last week and updated a report for my boss (without being asked) and emailed it to him along with last weeks and some commentary for him to use in his monday dial-in with the other leaders. I've done it for my old boss so knew what to expect and also anticipated that he wouldn't know (or have been told) that he'd have complete it first thing. He was very grateful that it was all done for him when he logged on at 9. 

I took a bath at 11 and put some clean togs on. A pair of winter lined track pants in sky blue and a matching Aussie rules football top. It's from some local team but it's cool. I thought it was too much sky blue and I looked like I was wearing a romper suit so I put a navy blue body warmer on just to break it up. 

I went out at 12 in anticipation of a phone call. I wanted to be alone for it. I took the call and ended it pretty abruptly when I started getting lectured on mental health and doing hobbies and stuff. Honest to goodness it grates on me when folk who've never experienced it start telling you how to live. I am 40 y/o. I know what is healthy and what is not. It's super hard to do the healthy stuff when you are struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Least I wasn't rude. I just said I didn't wanna talk anymore. Short and straight to the point. 

I spotted an awesome thing on a case review and got my law books out and did some research. I was right! Always a good thing in my book. I emailed some people to investigate the situation and it was super cool. I'm waiting to hear back from them. If my findings are accepted then it's deffo going on my performance review document. 🙂 

I did 4 more reviews in the afternoon and finished up at 5:30. I went cleaning at 6. The woman that manages the place moaned about it not being right good yesterday so I smiled politely and told her I appreciated the feedback and would fix it. In my head I said all sorts of mean things that I won't repeat. 

I came home for a brew and some biscuits and went on chat briefly. It was a complete waste of time logging on cos I didn't feel like talking about ought. 

I went to my next job and give it a good deep clean cos I was in the zone. I listened to some music by Aitch. That lad just sings about getting in on with other guys women. He's not ugly. Why doesn't he just get his own lass? 

I went to the park and walked the dog for a spell and now I'm home watching I'm a Celeb. Got a pasty in the oven and a beer in my hand. 

I have not gambled. 

Hubby is totally back to normal and his happy old self again. He's being real nice to me and I suspect that he got a b'day present for me delivered today cos he whipped it upstairs real quick like after the postman brought it. Might go see if I can find it when he's gone to bed. 😉 

G'nite All. 

Drama. 

Ha ha lovely read Drama. You certainly have a talent for writing.

Hope you have had a lovely day today.

I understand your birthday is coming up. Let us all know when it is so I can send you greetings.

Stephen x 

Thank-you Stephen. My b'day is next Saturday. The 14th. I'm not shy about letting anybody know when my b'day is. It was always a special time for me right from being a kid. My Mum wouldn't let anybody upset me or be mean or ought on my birthday. That was real magical for me and I've never let that feeling go. All birthday's should be celebrated and everyone should have a great day when it is their turn. x

Today. 

I WFH cos it's Debbie Day. I didn't get out of bed till 10 or 11. Can't really remember. I didn't wanna get out of my pit. I put on yesterday's clothes. I didn't feel like dressing up. 

I did a review of a case and whoever dealt with it got everything wrong. I put in an email to people to fix the situation. I feel good about that. There is a family sitting somewhere tonight in abject misery putting up with rubbish and tommorow someone will call them and it will all be sorted. That's all I can say about that. 

It kinda makes me feel purposeful and like I'm making a difference to people's lives when I get to do stuff like that. 

My cleaning boss called and asked me to work next Friday. I gave him a hard no! I said I have booked the day off the day job to study and I'm not eating into that time to clean. It's just not happening. He accepted what I said and I agreed to go review this other persons work the week after. I don't want paying for it. I said it's only down the road, don't take an hour off her, it will take me 20 mins max to go inspect what she's done so I'll just do it as a favour. I am proud that I said no to working extra. I really don't mind the 20 min task. It's all good. We chatted some about Football cos our teams are playing each other this weekend. That was nice. I love football. 

I went on chat at 1pm. It was only me and the mod. I freaked for a minute. Like I dunno what to say but then I remembered, this person is just another human-being. Just talk to them. So I did! and it was wonderful. We chatted about Uni and stuff. I very much enjoyed the conversation and was glad I logged on. 

I had a dial-in at 2pm with my work mates. I logged in the voice call as Engelbert Humperdink which made everyone laugh. I love making folks laugh. I told them about my plan for OT this weekend cos they were all gonna blob because a reporting tool is offline and I'm like I'm gonna do a couple hours before football and just backfill the data on Monday. I love that some folks thought that was smart. Some folks can't remember what they did so don't wanna do it. That is also cool but at least I gave them an option. 

I went to see Debbie after that. The drive was great. It's all nice countryside on the drive over and I had no car behind me so didn't feel the need to rush. I just enjoyed weaving the country roads at my own pace. 

I had a ciggie and got myself all relaxed. It was my intention to tell her all was well. Like there's nowt wrong with me but she saw through me like a glass of distilled water. I dunno how she does it. It's like witchcraft. She's very clever. I kinda wish we could be mates so I could learn how to do it myself but she'd never wanna be mates with me not after all I've told her. 

Anyways, so we talked about stuff and she got me to open up and I just purged all my thoughts into words without breathing in for so long that I got dizzy and thought I was gonna pass out. I did some breathing and that and recovered. Then we talked some more. We talked for nearly all the time about bad stuff which is unusual. It's normally really balanced between good and bad. I reckon at the end she was worried about letting me go without getting back to the good but I was okay. I told her that the way I felt was like when you have Noravirus and you feel desperately nauseous and then puke and then after that you are grateful for the relief and not feeling nausea for a spell. I said it was all good. She believed me which is nice cos I wasn't even lying. 

Then I came home. I took Hubby to the pub. Then I went to Job no. 1 which was still clean from yesterday so was real easy. 

I came home again and went on chat and talked to people a bit. I liked the Mod. Like I don't have favourites but she's someone I talked to on the phone once when I was low and she's nice so it made me happy to say hi. I don't often express how grateful I am for the support here but I really am. From everyone. Mods and recovering people and f&f just everyone really. 

Then I went to job. no. 2. It was pretty clean. Hubby whatsapp'd me and asked me to come home and take him back to the pub. I was pretty scared like someone must've died or summat. Like why now?

I finished up real quick and took him to the pub. He said he's got a loan to pay off his card and mine and the overdraft. He's real happy. I don't know that I am. It's basically the same sum of money that I've been working two jobs all year to pay back. I was 3/4 years in a DMP and now I feel like I'm back to 4/4 years. 

I know the bank loan is lower interest than the cards for sure but I was dealing with everything and I don't like that this has come out of the blue. I'm gonna sleep on this news cos I really dunno how to process it right now. 

I feel very topsy turvy. 

D x

Oh and I went to Church before cleaning and blessed myself in the font and lit a candle and said some prayers with Our Lady which I haven't done for months. It felt real nice and peaceful. I enjoyed it. 

Yes drama.. Like someone once told me regarding hubby's loan.. Women like surprises but they don't like being surprised.. ?

I am sure our blessed lady will give you her special attention and help you through this topsy turvy time

Boo xx 

That's so true Boo! Haha made me laugh! 🙂 

My Day. 

I woke up with a thick head. I tried to demolish a fridge pack last night. Pleased to say I failed in that task. However, I kinda did say I wouldn't buy anymore but I was that side out last night. I put on yesterdays clothes so have felt like an absolute scrubber all day. That's 3 days in a row I've worn them now. 

I did NOT feel well. I felt bad for putting my body through yet another hangover. I went to the supermarket for dinner and got some spaghetti carbonara and one of them microwave steamed veg packs. I had cabbage and carrots and brocolli. It was a nice dinner and I felt better for it. 

Then when I was eating it, I had this moment of clarity like why am I waiting for January to start being healthy? I could go to the Gym now. So I looked into it and I can get a day pass for a fiver so I'm gonna go tommoz. That will be my incentive to not smoke and drink cos it will hurt so bad if I go Gym with a hangover and that. 

I did really well at work. I stopped my bosses bosses boss from making a legal mistake. I actually gave some great legal advice for him to give to someone that was raising an issue. His intended response was actually illegal even though he was just trying to be helpful. He was very grateful. 

We chatted some and he said that I have youth on my side when it comes to hangovers, I suspect he believes I am younger than I am but that's all good. I don't mind that. 

I have gotten rid of that money. Paid off cards and stuff. It not sitting there will help with my gambling urges that I had last night. Can't believe I was put in that position but now it's not mine anymore so I can just focus on me again. 

I have to go work now. Then I'm gonna pack up my Gym stuff and go to bed. 

Drama x

It's awesome to read about you joining a gym ?  Just imaging you and Boo doing a virtual marathon together...

I woke up late. 8:55. Pain in the neck! I logged on from home and chatted my boss to apologise for my tardiness. I said I'd just log on from home and go in at lunchtime. This ruined my plans to go to the Gym but hey ho. 

I had a bath. Alleluia! I used some radox stress relieving bath stuff and some Pantene 3in1 shampoo. I put on some fresh togs. My white hi-tops, skinny blue jeans and a football shirt. I feel smashing for being all clean. 

I walked to the shops with the dog to get some bits. She loved the sniffs along the way and I made it leisurely so she could have her doggy fun. 

I went to work at dinner time and had some mac n cheese and garlic bread from the deli. It was lush. Still more beige food but at least I'm eating summat. 

I was pretty productive. I have 3 files left to do this week and that's only cos I'm waiting on other folks giving me information. I'm gonna help other people out with their workload so we all complete on time. 

I am home now having a brew and gonna go cleaning. 

I received an email from Stepchange. It is officially one year since I began my DMP. I got a text off my old current account bank saying they are closing it unless I transfer the x-amount I owe them. I cannot do that so I'll just wait for them to begin the recovery process and make them a reasonable offer. 

All in all, I've done pretty well. I'm still here. I'm 1/4 of the way to being debt free and I'm not gambling. 

Catch you all later. 

Drama x

I'd say you've done more than pretty well Drama, that is awesome progress. Love hearing you happy x

Thank you for being here for me Drama, may never really know how much difference it makes x

Posted by: Murlo

Thank you for being here for me Drama, may never really know how much difference it makes x

The same goes for you. I am really enjoying your comfort and strength but I caution that I want you to take very good care of yourself at this time. You have alot going on. I love you pal. I support you. Gamcare is here for me. I will continue to use their support and help. You make sure that you put you first. Gosh I wish I could give you a great big hug. Honest I do. 

Sweet dreams angel. 

Drama x