When I was 19 years old I used to go to the pub with my friends on a Saturday afternoon to watch the football. I used to live for it the banter and watching football, something I’ve been passionate all my life. My friends always used to do Accumulators and would tell us that it’s was full proof and yet nearly every week they’d lose. I remember the first bet I ever placed (£* on a 4 fold) and thinking nothing of it because I earned reasonable money and just thought it was something to make the afternoon even more interesting.
i did this every week of the season and not really coming close until one day just after Christmas of 2014 when I won my first bet. 3 years after placing the first.
i remember the joy it gave me of winning £* that was mine to do whatever I wanted with it. Being extra generous down the pub later that night with my wallet extra thick. Was euphoric.
As the season went on the bets continued and again, not really thinking much of it then I remember being late to the pub which meant I couldn’t put my bet on in time in which I realised about online betting, which when I think about it is when it went all downhill.
i put the bet on as normal and lost and went home after the game and remembered some late games in Europe so I decided to put another £* in my online account. I won about £*...
again the euphoric feeling came about was like feeling like the cleverest man alive with my knowledge I was winning free money every week after that for about 6 weeks and amassed about £* in that time. It paid for my holiday.
in late 2015 I was continuing to bet weekly in what I thought was a controlled way, however when I came home one day from a rough day at work I decided to go online to check if any games on to bet as I had £* in my account. There weren’t any games, so I decided to play some slots for the first time. All the lights and near misses for big money enticed me and ultimately walked away with £* instead of the £* I started with.
The next day I decided to play again only this time I lost all the money. I was angry at this for some reason thinking the game was rigged and then my attitude towards gambling changed I decided that it wasn’t going to beat me when I played it.
In 2016 after playing online slots nearly every day and nearly losing i took out a loan for £* and thought that if by luck I could winning a little more then I could pay off the loan and have a little extra myself.
A couple months later I won £* on an online slot game. I had never felt so happy in that moment seeing that amount of money in my bank in one sum was amazing and thought of all the things I could do. When I went to pay off my loan I had this thought in my head “what if you won another £*? Think of the start on life you could have??” So I opted against paying off my debt and decided to invest back on the slots... that money was gone in 2 weeks.
feeling angered beyond belief I took out more loans hoping I could get lucky one day and win it all back. It didn’t happen.
i couldn’t make up the repayments and I started to breakdown, then I come home from one work one day and my mother sat me down with letters of final reminders of all my debtors. After her realising I was £* in debt I completely collapsed.
after telling her everything she told me everything was okay and that she would help me get through this. She gave me money to pay off loans to make things a little easier and helped me get a second job which I needed to keep financially secure.
2 months later however after doing 17 hour days and feeling exhausted beyond belief I let the demons win again. I took out more credit and started the process of betting and hoping yet ultimately losing hoping one day it could give me the lifeline to get out of the way I was, ultimately it didn’t happen.
in August 2018 I tried to take my own life and whilst thankfully i came to my senses I had this feeling that if I didn’t speak up and find a strategy I would get worse.
i went to my family and explained everything hoping they could firstly forgive me for betraying their trust and secondly give me the strength to go on and rebuild. The hurt I caused has no value.
They mentioned Gamban which I immediately installed and as soon as I did that I could feel me start to win this however in a different way. My mood improved I felt more in control and my sleep improved.
Today I can say I have been bet free for a year and have shrunk my debt from nearly £* to £*.
The road has been and continues to be long and not a day goes by without the thought of “maybe I’ll put £* on this” and realising with a clear head which is something I haven’t had in 7 years that it’s not just worth it.
the day I can say I’m a debt free man is the day I can finally say I’ve won, but for now it’s half time and I’ve taken an early lead.
This place is a little haven for me and somewhere I will write my thoughts when that day is just that little harder then others.
thanks for reading this.