My journey

Day 59

Im ok - surprised at how many days have passed already.

A few potential blips - but nothing happened. I was relatively close though. Talked this through with my Cbt counsellor and put things into perspective a bit. 

Only two more modules on the CBT course left, I've found it so useful! 

I'll keep plodding on. 

Hope everyone is well 

Day 63. 

63! Wow! I feel empowered. 

It hasn't been easy - there have been opportunities and chances, but I refused. There have been triggers, but I declined. 

The CBT course has been a huge help for me, it has helped me have insight into why I really gamble, how I can prevent it and tools to help me continue to recover. Its allowed me to realise my ambitions and goals, put steps in place to get there and most importantly... To find acceptance. 

I am a compulsive gambler, I have extreme issues with gambling - I don't think this will ever go away, but I can do things to stop it happening. I will do things to stop it happening. 

I have found happiness in life without gambling, rediscovered hobbies I enjoyed, became a bit of a swim freak - so becoming healthier and have started to rebuild relationships. 

This is where I want to be. 

I still have some bad days, and urges. But they are quickly put to bed and agree less frequent now. 

Time is a healer. 

I have still not told my family, only a select few are aware and I have decided I want to keep it that way. 

I hope my road extends far in to the future. 

Ahh Leoni I'm soo proud of you. I remember your very first day and you have come so far. Keep smashing it, your doing amazing ? 

Thank you Secret ?

I am really pleased 

Hope you're doing ok! 

Day 72 

Slots have been on my mind quite a lot the past few days. I have a feeling of missing them. I will continue to try to ground myself and remind myself it was nothing put losses and unhappiness. 

A few weeks back, I was driving locally and noticed a very familiar sign, the Merkur sun. Merkur were one of my favourite game providers and the games I had won the most money on. It was a Merkur cashino... Literally 5 minute drive from my home. I wanted to go in so bad. I drove around the island to go back and park up but kept going round and round until after a good few goes around the island, I turned off and continued on my journey. The stupid sun hasnt left my head since. Something strange is holding me back from contacting them and self excluding - I can't quite put my finger on it. 

I have been swimming 5 times a week which has really been helping occupy my time.

I also have a wedding at the start of September and had the money to buy a lovely outfit which is great. 

On we trot. 

78 days.

Admittedly I googled 'casinos not regulated by gamstop' two days ago further to reading a post on here. In my head it was 'out of interest' but what could have happened? 

I did find a few - but also found lots of dodgy reviews to go along with them. So I didnt. I didn't gamble and I'm sat here proud of my 78 days. 

Not sure why I did that. I have no explanation. 

One day at a time 

Additionally, I have just looked back on my last few posts - all alot more slot focused and negative. I need to put a bit more effort in I think. 

Hi Rudge89

Just want to offer a suggestion - you may want to consider:

1. Installing Gamban to block websites not covered by Gamstop

2. Self-excluding from those arcades near you. 

You can find out more about both these options at the self-help section of our website, or you can call us on 0808 80 20 133 or contact us on livechat.

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi Deirdre

Thank you for your reply.

I already have GamBan in place on my phone, but was unable to install on my work phone. 

I am hesitant to self exclude from the Merkur cashino as last time I self excluded at a local bookmakers, they made me go in with ID - they said I could not do it over the phone. 

I feel ok today, strong. 

Thank you

The big 80! 

Never thought I'd reach this stage, but I'm slowly gaining self belief! Still have bad days, just not as often. 

Roll on the 100!

Dear @Rudge89

Well done for reaching 80 days. It is so good to hear you are gaining some self belief.

Please keep posting and sharing.

Best wishes

Sallie

Forum Admin

Fantastic ?  your doing amazing Leoni. Isn't life on the other side so much better. No stress about money lost, no stress about gambling all your wages and not being able to pay bills. Being able to sleep better because your not dreaming about slots or a win to recover losses from the day before. A massive well done ? 

87 days! The big 100 is fast approaching ?

I have finished the CBT course now, and was given the option to continue addiction/behavioural therapy with a local company which I decided I would. 

I know I will never be fixed, but there are days of struggle and if there are tools available to make it just that tiny bit easier, I shall use them. 

I have my assessment with the therapy team at 11am today, insanely nervous!! They text me last night asking if a new worker could listen in to our call, I agreed but now feel embarrassed for some reason, god knows why! 

I think my struggling days are due to money. Since giving up gambling, I seem to have come into a lot of money. A few thousand loan refund, a tax rebate and a friend gifted me quite a big sum for some hr help I've given her over th past few days. I think because it's in my bank, my savings are built up slightly - it's an unfamiliar situation so instinctively I want to gamble it. But I will try my darn hardest not to! 

Anyway!! Another day gambling free. Hope everyone is ok!  

Dear @rudge89,

Congratulations on 87 days gamble free and so pleased to hear you've found the cCBT course helpful and that you've opted for further support. 

Please don't be nervous about new practitioner listening in to your assessment, we are all non-judgmental here.

With regards to the money you now have in your account - this can be a trigger. So what we often recommend is maybe put some safety blocks into place. So this could be putting the money into an account that you can't access easily, or some kind of time-limited ISA where you don't have access to it for a period of time. Alternatively maybe there is a family member you trust with your money could ask to keep the money safe for you for a while?

Thinking and planning ahead for trigger situations is a key part of sustainable recovery and this is a good opportunity to practice this.

You are always very welcome to call us any time and we can discuss how to best do this in your particular situation.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Hi Leoni,

Firstly well done, those days are ticking by nicely, been so long since we last spoken in chat 

How are you feeling living life on the other side? Its so much less stressful isn't it. Not panicking about bills not being paid and gambling all our wages. Not to mention sleeping better because where no longer sat gambling all hours  chasing losses.

Your doing really well and I'm pleased your using all resources available to you. Keep it up.

Love Kate x