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My Journey - 17/05/2020  

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bula
 bula
(@bula)

Hello everyone - Below is my gambling story to date. I've had an account on here before but forgot the details to it. The last time I gambled was yesterday. This is my journey to stop.

Introduction 

I'm 21 years of age and have been gambling since I was around 17. It started getting out of hand once I hit 19, getting into debt and getting a debt management plan at 20 years old. I'll gamble on absolutely anything. I have just over ten thousand pounds worth of debt built up at the moment and my debt management plan looks after around 75% of that. The other 25% I need to keep up with. I have an decent job at the moment and it has good prospects. I go to university 1 day a week and work the other 4 days.

Journey So Far

It's been really tough. You guys will know what I mean. Countless times I have tried to stop, but always find a way to get back into it. This lockdown in the UK has been a massive eye opener for me, as although I'm not working at the moment and should be saving money, I can't, as most of it is going straight out to pay off my debts. Which upsets me, but is down to my own fault. At the moment in living paycheck to paycheck with minimal money left over to treat myself or save. I'm trying to save a bit of money on the side. My debt can be clear in under 2 years if I stay on track, which I pray to god I will. 

What I Have Done To Stop

I've signed up to GAMBLOCK - I cannot sign up to any online casino's. I've told friends about my problem, and to not let me use their gambling accounts no matter what I say. I have told my girlfriend about my problem. I have blocked gambling transactions on both Halifax and Monzo accounts. I have a low limit on my accounts so that I cannot send large amounts of money to people. I've got so many barriers in place, if anyone has anymore good ones please let me know.

Finally

If we keep gambling we will never stop being slaves to this addiction. We are not letting ourselves get out of the ditch that we are in. We are not letting ourselves live a happier life. This is my journey... A 2 year journey to not gamble for a single day, and to be debt free by the end of it. I promise myself that I will do it, and I will be able to look back on my posts and be so proud of myself that today was the day that I put an end to the madness, and stop trying to chase a dream, that would only ever be a dream...

My last gamble was 17/05/2020 and I'm £13,000 in debt.

Here we go.

 

This topic was modified 2 months ago by bula
Quote
Posted : 18th May 2020 12:19 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Bula,

it's great you have a plan and a desire to stop gambling.

When this lockdown is over please get in contact with Gamblers anonymous and attend their meetings. There you will find that stopping gambling is one thing and staying off gambling is about change. They have great examples of long term members who have worked a recovery program to stay clean. Clean mind as well as clean off a bet.

Give the advisers here a call and talk. Talk about how your are, how you feel and share anything that may be a problem to you. You might also like to look at your debts and although it's honourable to want then cleared quickly, you need to live in the now as well. If all you do is work, pay off debts and survive, at some point you're likely to feel sorry for yourself and that's not healthy behaviour if it's left unchecked.

Finally, and this is experience and GA advice, don't make any big statements like promising not to bet for two years and clearing all debts. I promise and I'm sorry were the two most used phrases I ever said and I meant them at the time but I always over promised. Don't worry about two years of not betting. Just do it a day at a time. Just for today don't have a bet. If that gets tough then just don't bet for the next hour. Small, achievable steps. Those steps will add up, one day at a time. In the last four years you haven't been able to stop for two years so what makes you think you can now? But you can do a day at a time, that's achievable.

Good luck to you.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th May 2020 1:13 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Thanks Chris - I really liked your comment. I will look into GA, and yes I did make some big statements in my original post. Possibly to prove to myself that I will beat it this time. But yes, one day at a time will be the way forward. Thank you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th May 2020 2:38 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 1 - Taking advice and I'm not going to look too far ahead into the future. Just take each day as it comes. I'm trying to also spend less time on the computer, as when I spend too much time on it I can get bored and do something stupid. So today I did some work, wrote this post and now I'm going to turn my computer off and do something else. I would usually go to the gym but it's all closed... 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th May 2020 2:55 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 2 - An earlier post, but that's because I don't plan on being online later. I'm quickly doing some work then going out to enjoy the sun. I shouldn't think about it too much as I can get easily overwhelmed, but I am looking forward to the future. But for now, taking each day as it comes, I am not gambling today.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th May 2020 10:57 am
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 3 - The initial few days of regret have passed. After I gamble I always have a dark cloud hanging over me for a few days. Think that's gone now, looking brighter. Still thinking about if there are anymore barriers I can put in place. Spending the day doing some university work and browsing the web. Onto the rest of the week. I hope everyone is having a good week!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th May 2020 1:06 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 4 - Gambling thoughts last night.. Managed to take my mind elsewhere and here I am still gamble free. Onto the rest of the week.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st May 2020 4:54 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Lots of things going on in life at the moment. Personal things, up to my eyes in university work and feel all over the place. Going to get my head down for the rest of the week and crack on with what I need to do, then come back at the start of a fresh month. I hope everyone is doing well. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th May 2020 8:55 pm

Hello Bula. Hope you are feeling ok

Sorry to see from your profile that you slipped up a couple of days ago but if you have learned from it than that is good.

You are still young, intelligent and hard working so you can rebuild your life provided you don't gamble.

 

Wishing you every success in your life changing adventure.

Stephen 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th May 2020 3:44 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 1 - I've decided to come back fresh on the start of a new month. The last week has been a struggle for me, but I've come through the other side of it now. I had so much work to do, that is now done, thank god. I wasn't successful in staying gamble free but now I have even more blocks in place. I made the decision to but GamBan on my laptop. No more access to gambling sites. My phone already has a block. That should be it now, I can't see another way to gamble. In terms of the slip up, I didn't gamble loads of money, but thats not the point. I gambled and that's what I come here to try and not do. I'm going to take each day as it comes, hope everyone has a good week ahead of them!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st June 2020 10:03 am
David31
(@david31)

Hey bula, best of luck going forward. Well done on coming back and starting again. I think pretty much everybody on here has re-lapsed at some point or another, so just important we learn from our mistakes and look ahead instead of thinking of the past.

It sounds like you've done that by putting more blocks in place. 

By the way, do you think your university work and the stress of it is a trigger for your gambling? I only ask because it certainly was for me about 10 years ago when I was at uni. If it is, maybe think of the best way to work through that stress without your mind diverting towards gambling. I know you have the blocks in place but it would be good if you another outlet you could turn your attention to when you feel the university work getting on top of you. 

This post was modified 1 month ago by David31
ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st June 2020 2:30 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

@david31 - Yes it's usually the gym that I turn to but at the moment they are closed so I'm unable to do that. I'm looking forward to it re-opening!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 1st June 2020 2:51 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 2 - I have urges. I'm just trying my best to keep myself occupied and keep my mind off of it. I know from past experience that my urges will die down after a few days. The beginning is always the hardest.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd June 2020 8:33 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 3 - I done well last night. I had a lot of gambling thoughts but managed to stay away and push them to the back of my mind by doing other things. The plan for today is to take a step back and just relax. I won't check to see if any football or sports are on, why would I need to. I would only do that if I wanted a gamble. Almost halfway mark to a week gf. Good luck everyone

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd June 2020 11:39 am
bula
 bula
(@bula)

Day 4 - Only just turned my computer on and its 3pm. I think that's pretty good, occupying my time elsewhere. Still gamble free, and thats all that matters.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th June 2020 3:23 pm
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