it is lovely to see you here again. Maybe rather than resetting your internal clock to day 1, how about thinking about the percentage of time you have been gamble free in the last x days. That looks pretty awesome form where I am sitting. We are on this journey together. I have learnt so much from you. You know how to do this. Just know that I am here for you x
My gamble free clock began on 14th December 2018. I haven't remained gamble free since then but and I want you to hear me, this is a very big BUT, this was the moment when I realised I needed help and support to be gamble free. I've had some bad times since then but they aren't anywhere near so bad as they were before I reached out for support.
I have gambled and people have helped me think about the why's and the how's and every time I have built up my barriers and I've got stronger. You are one of the people who gave me a hand up and a big hug and helped me continue my journey and it is a continuance. I am not starting again. I am building on the really very good foundations I already put in place.
You have this Stephen. Thank you so much for coming back and starting a new diary and giving yourself a chance at recovery.
Many thanks for posting on my diary:
Kylie66: I couldn't find your diary but was saddened to read in one of your posts of the devastating effect that gambling has had on your life. I wish you peace, contentment and happiness as you continue on your journey.
Stace, Murlo, Drama, Mixer & Ineffable: I have let myself down obviously but I also feel bad about letting down good friends like yourselves who have stood by me. I will try my hardest to not let you down again.
What an absolute mess.
I don't need a great deal but I do need some money for family events this weekend. A family member i contacted with regard to a small loan treated me with contempt so we have fallen out now, which is a shame but he was quite rude earlier on. A good friend has now transferred enough money to my account for me to get by but I sense she was not overly impressed by my request.
Why oh why oh why when everything was starting to get better.
I don't understand.
You have not let me down. Not at all and I won't have it. Your learning experience is helping me grow. I am pleased that your friend helped you out. I am confident you will repay their trust and sort that out soon.
Don't you dare worry about me or how I feel about you or I will get angry mad. You are a good egg. You had a blip in the road but sounds like you are already sorting it out and determined to be back on the gamble free road.
Love you. No doubt.
You haven't let anyone down at all. I can only speak for myself here, but the fact you came back and were honest about what happened has helped me in ways you do not know. It's always a situation that scares me, if I relapse will I come back? Seeing you have the strength to come back gives me strength. I admire the people in recovery who get back up when they have been knocked down.
The only thing to remember is that never is a long time, one day at a time though and you can do this. Do the right things each day and you won't gamble...just for today. Then do the same thing tomorrow, and the next day...etc.
Also, a quote that has stuck with me since early in my recovery, "I'm not in charge of my first thought but I am in charge of my first action." Just because your addiction tries to tell you that gambling is the only way to get out of a situation, it's just a thought, you control what you actually do next.
This is a small slip on your journey, do not let it define you.
Thank you Mark.
Excellent advice and as you so rightly point out it is my actions that matter. Negative thoughts might drift into my mind so I just need to practice more on letting them drift out again.
My head hurts. My arms and legs feel like jelly and I feel nauseous.