Day 46 begins.. I thought we were making progress but this is never gonna go away until we become more financially stable.. My husband is still (understandably) so angry with me because of the financial mess I have gotten us into. I transferred £20 from his account to my account y’day to buy school photos. He went mad, I showed him the proof and assured him i haven’t gambled and have absolutely no intention.
He said he doesn’t trust me which I get, he then went on that it’ll take years to recover from this, that we won’t be able to go on holiday next year or the year after and that there’ll be no Christmas this year. He looked at me with such contempt and disgust.. No less than I deserve..
I think it might all get too much for him and he’ll decide that he doesn’t want to stay with me.. I feel so down with all of this, it’s just so awful, and all could have been avoided if I hadn’t been so goddam stupid.
Congratulations Mispy on your excellent progress.
You have spent the last fifty days on an emotional rollercoaster ride which at times was very scary but you have come through it unscathed and are better equipped for the battles that lie ahead.
I see in this diary a lady who speaks the truth and possesses great courage, wisdom and understanding.
Time is a great healer and hopefully your husband will come to appreciate that you didn't ask to be a compulsive gambler but that you were just drawn in by bookmakers who use all kinds of ingenious methods to attract their victims.
Please please please do not get complacent. Many of your friends on the diaries (including myself) have gone for long periods without gambling but have been caught out by the addiction turning up out of the blue and filling our heads with foolish thoughts that we are cured and can have a small gamble. The addiction is very conniving and can masquerade as a friend but it is all just an illusion.
I wish you every happiness as you continue on your journey.
Stay strong, keep smiling and treat yourself with the kindness, love and respect that you deserve.
73 days!!! I don’t even count the days anymore, had to log in here to find out..
Still financially damaged.. Always working on that.. Life will get better...
Gonna implement some changes so that when I next log back in, I would have achieved more than just being gamble free..
Here’s to the next 73! Moving forwards..
188 days gamble free!!!! Still reeling from the financial damage I’ve done.. Some days it’s so so difficult to comprehend. I’m trying to move on but it just feels like we’ll be in this rut forever and it’s all my fault. Having to constantly stress about money especially when it’s a couple of weeks away from payday.
Sometimes I can’t believe my husband has forgiven me because lately I just can’t forgive myself. I would honestly lose a limb to be able to turn back time and never have f*****G signed up for that welcome bonus.. My life now is defined by ‘before’ and ‘after’ gambling.
It just sucks...