My first step in the long recovery ahead......

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jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Today is the day I finally decide to take the necessary steps to give in to my addiction, but let's get into my history first.  It all started when my dad took me to dog racing when I was around 12, big mistake, from there my friends and I would bet with each other all the time.  This later morphed into buying sports action tickets from the gas station when I was 16 with my pay cheques.  From there I got into black jack as the casino and online poker as well.  Now online poker I had success for a while and even won a free poker cruise and made $xxx, but like all gambling what usually goes up has to come down.  I took six months off here or there than would get back into sports betting, open an account lose a few thousand and ban myself and move onto the next site.  Pretty much all of my wins were on football and my losses on basketball, baseball things I had no control over not betting.  Going through this roller coaster I told myself this year I wasn't going to bet at all and went 4 months without betting until this old bet paid out $xxx into my account which I told myself I would cash out.  Well I put that bet on and lost it, made at myself I put a $xxx in to make it back and this vicious circle went.  Over the course of the next couple months I had lost $xxx which I thought was terrible as our investments had lost money too, well things can always get worse.  Once NFL season started I thought I could make it back with the 50 % bonus money they paid out on new deposits,  so I loaded up like I did the last two years with my credit cards.  Well over the last six months I have lost $xxx, I have cashed out some investments which my wife doesn't know about and I have a bunch of credit card debt which I will have to cash in some more investments.  I have also been off work the last 18 months which hasn't helped my sense of self worth.  I have had so many days of crying these last months and feel so alone and depressed, I even thought my family would be better off If I was gone and cashing in on the life insurance policy.   I feel so distant and disengaged to my family and friends, almost like a zombie.  These last couple days have been rock bottom, I have reached out for some counselling and hope to set something up soon an start GA meetings once they start up after our COVID lock down right now.  I am hoping by keeping a daily diary and the support of this group will get me back on track and the strength to beat this demon, for me and my family.  I also start a new job on Tuesday and can't have this distraction in my life anymore.  

Much love to all those struggling through this as well.  We can all make it through 🙂

Jason 

 

This topic was modified 3 years ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 30th November 2020 5:38 am
(@drew1966)
Posts: 3
 

Good luck to you,

I am on the other side of this, dealing with an addict and trying understand how and why.

 
Posted : 30th November 2020 9:05 am
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

I feel for you and your spouse, not an easy thing for someone who isn't an addict to understand.  Although my wife knows I have a problem, she doesn't know the financial extent of it.  I hate to talk to it around Christmas but I will in the next week and offer some joint counselling.  

 
Posted : 30th November 2020 7:46 pm
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Day 1 of my journey, I reached out to a friend who is a one year in recovering alcoholic for support which helped.  I am focusing on the positives in my life and how my life will be better without gambling.  Removing bad habits for good, going to go for an hour walk by the lake to see the beauty in this world!

 
Posted : 30th November 2020 7:47 pm
(@craignic123)
Posts: 2
 

Good luck and remember I walk with you on this recovery 

 
Posted : 30th November 2020 8:39 pm
(@bluelagoon)
Posts: 7
 

Weve all been there feeling alone/isolated/self loathing/full of anger and emotion whilst knowing its your own doing etc etc. Just have to draw a line under it

Stop now, start the new job and make a concious plan to pay off X amount a month towards the credit cards etc.

Easy to talk a good talk though and a month down the line once you are feeling happy again, start all over again.

Have u thought about registering to gamstop to restrict your access and maybe pay your wages into your wifes account etc? 

 

This post was modified 3 years ago by Bluelagoon
 
Posted : 30th November 2020 11:52 pm
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Thanks for the message Bluelagoon.  I do have a plan on the credit cards as interest rates are crazy so I figure I should get that paid off in the next few months and after that I am closing them all out.  I totally agree, you need a good plan in place and also deal with the emotional side or easy to slide again.  I am going to register for gamstop once I get the rest of my money out of the sports betting account.  I can only withdraw a certain amount a week so will take two months to get it all out.   I wish I could just get it all out in one shot.  

 
Posted : 1st December 2020 12:09 am
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Thanks Craig for the support! 

 
Posted : 1st December 2020 12:10 am
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Well just one day in and I was so tempted to put a bet on the Monday football game which is a ritual for me.  I even logged in and had funds in there already that can't be cashed out yet and resisted.  Small win I guess as I ran through the outcome, if I won the bet, it would reinforce that I can make money back and cause the cycle to reset and for me to go even deeper.  On a side note I have given up sports watching, too high risk. 

This post was modified 3 years ago by jasbou78
 
Posted : 1st December 2020 1:34 am
(@bluelagoon)
Posts: 7
 

Having an open betting account for months without betting sounds dangerous to me, even to the most strong willed of gamblers. I would consider giving somebody close to you your password so they can change it & withdraw it for you every week if you are serious about not betting again.

I'm the same in terms of watching tennis/football etc myself though. My partner finds it strange that I cant watch any neutral football (apart from my team) as "theres no point watching it if iv not got a bet as its boring." ... I think that will come with time though.

Im only a month without a bet myself but gamstop & all measures inplace to never bet again. Only had 2 paydays since iv quit and its mad how much iv saved through no betting/nothing to actually buy through lockdown.

Gdluck

 
Posted : 1st December 2020 10:12 am
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Day 2 started my new job with an awesome team, no urges at all and feel extra inspired.  First session scheduled next week with counsellor and planning on attending virtual GA session.  Grateful to have a warm bed and family to come home to.

 
Posted : 2nd December 2020 5:24 am
jasbou78
(@jasbou78)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Day 3 no urges, had a good day at work.  I had a bit of a breakdown and told the family how I have been feeling and some of my set backs with gambling and steps I have taken for help.  My wife was very supportive which felt good to hear.  There is a long road ahead but feeling the urges lesson which is helpful. 

 
Posted : 3rd December 2020 2:43 am

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