Hi
It took me a long time to understand that the recovery program is a healing process.
It took me a long time to learn to be kind and gentle with myself.
I was not an evil bad or no good person I was simply a vulnerable person who use to lash out in his pains.
My anger was an unhealthy reaction to pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, and my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
Firstly, I thought that I would be the last person on this planet who would stop gambling.
Once in recovery I learned that I use to stress myself with worrying about things I cannot change.
Living in guilt shame and regret achieves nothing healthy, money lost that is gone let go of it.
So how do you reduce your fears, how do we all learn to live a stress fear life.
Is it true that people life and situations stressed me out, no it was my unhealthy reactions to these things that was unhealthy?
Because I had been unhealthy for some considerable time how do we change, how do we find peace within our self.
And because I ran away so many times in my life where would I stop running in my fears.
If we understand that the recovery program is a healing process, I needed to admit to myself that in me was a hurt child who did not know how to heal from the pains of my past.
By entering into the recovery was my first big step, giving up being focused on the pains of my past due to guilt shame or regret would take some time.
Yet being in recovery program I would find likeminded people who help me see and feel myself in other people by our therapies.
What was impressive people did not feel guilty for being unhealthy people, they were focused on today only.
Only once we admit to our self that certain habits were unhealthy, it was important to exchange each of those unhealthy habits into healthy habits.
This would take time, and with the help of people demonstrating what was healthy or unhealthy in time we find a healthy path to a healthy future.
It took time to reduce my state of anxiety to slow my pace down, to face one thing at aa time, to commit myself to be more relaxed and having less fears in my life.
How to reduce our fears that is a good question, sadly people have the same fear time and time again, dentist, doctors, tax time etc.
For me it was important to accept the very worst that could happen, to write those consequences down on paper, then once I was willing to accept the very worst that could happen only then my fears reduce.
Most of my fears were ten out of ten walking into the recovery program.
Now in facing the most of my fears they are in single figures my fears.
It takes time to understand that every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand, I also needed to accept that living in fear and anxiety was not healthy for me.
Because of my unhealthy reactions in my life, I did and said certain things that were very unhealthy and went against my own conscience.
I am a non-religious person yet I do understand the reasons behind our conscience and also any person religious or not if they are healthy have a conscience.
So when I lied it was very much fear based, when I lied I went against my own conscience, by hurting others I was hurting myself.
As we get healthier there is less fears and hence no need to lie again.
The hardest person to forgive was myself, in time I would heal my pains and understand that in the past by reacting in my fears I felt I had no choice but to lie, by living an honest life today without any fears there is no reason why I have to lie today.
Living a lie is and was not healthy, yet I felt like I had no choice, the choice today is to be the healthiest person I can be today.
Gambling was not my problem; I was the problem.
Money was not my problem; I was the problem.
Money on its own was never going to heals my hurt inner child.
When I say I am fine it was a lie, in time I would get honest with myself.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
By making lists of my fears I was able to reduce each one at a time.
Once I did my lists of all of fears I could not believer how many fears I had.
As I reduced my fears to single numbers I was more free in my life than ever before.
I can say that my fears restricted me from living a healthy productive life.
Dave L
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