My diary

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(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Starting my diary on this thread, just to talk about how i’m feeling as time goes on and hopefully something to look back on ?

i’m on day 3 of no gambling having signed up to GamStop. So far, so good, however my gambling usually just happened on payday until I ran out of money so the last day of the month will be the real test.

The thought of gambling has come into my mind a lot, but nothing I can’t control. I’ve been spending time reducing my bills, figuring out my finances and i’m feeling pretty good about it. 

i’m having a bit of a down day today but i don’t think that’s gambling related, just one of those days

 

d x

 
Posted : 3rd September 2020 4:25 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

4 days since i last gambled

I’ve had small amounts of money paid into my bank account twice since and normally I would be literally waiting for the money to come in and almost immediately gamble it in hope of winning more. Being honest, if it weren’t for gamstop i’m not sure i’d have had full self control yet. I know i wouldn’t have. £10 would have turned into all i have. 

However the fact i have money sitting in my bank account just now at all makes me feel amazing! It feels like my sole focus right now is being motivated to see that figure increase. From actual hard, well earned wages

This might sound seriously pathetic, or messed up, but I often have dreams (or vivid daydreams?) of winning big in slots. I see the bonus’s line up in unrealistic amounts and in my head i know it will be an amazing win. I find i wake up from these feeling frustrated. I’m able to brush it off and distract myself but it does leave me feeling rubbish. Has anyone else experienced this?

overall, still feeling really motivated to turn my life around. 

d x

 
Posted : 4th September 2020 10:15 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Day 5 of no gambling, halfway through the weekend! I spent my afternoon deep cleaning and reorganising my flat. It feels great, a clean slate. 

This evening i sat down to chill and felt irritated. If i could have gambled i would have. A lot of me wanted to try to find somewhere online that GamStop wouldn’t have excluded me from, but I wouldn’t know where to start.

My friends aren’t interested in hanging out, they’ve got their partners. My family is in a bit of drama (unrelated to me) but their minds and time and occupied elsewhere. I felt really, really alone. I took the dog for a walk and had a relaxing bubble bath, read some of the threads on here. 

I signed up for StepChange, it looks good, I don’t know why I haven’t heard of it before. They recommend a debt payment programme at £26.66 for 10 years and 1 month. This would be covering my 2 defaulted credit cards and a maxed out store card, approx £3k

This seems like such a long time, but with me occassionally paying £10-20 here and there when i decide to prioritise it, it’s going to take a lot longer than that!

I read on here someone said let your debts me managed slowly in the background, and live your life for today. I love that. I’m impatient and want to pay it all off ASAP but that’s not going to happen unless a decent amount of money falls into my hands anytime soon.  I posted asking for advice and looking forward to some responses, and decide if I should go ahead.

d x

 
Posted : 5th September 2020 9:35 pm
(@jamie122813)
Posts: 31
 

Hi 

Hope your well today, i’ve been there with trying to find a way around Gamstop and thankfully I couldn’t find a way around it. I also got a bank card that declines gambling transactions online aswell as in the shops. 

 

As for the dreams i think most gamblers have them, sadly it’s fantasy. 

 

Stick at it mate, i stupidly went back gambling after 2 years and life was better. 

 

Take care 

 

 

 
Posted : 6th September 2020 11:29 am
(@bladesman)
Posts: 328
 

Hi, I'm glad you decided to set up the DMP with Stepchange, yes it is a long time but will take the pressure off for now. As time goes by you may find you can increase your monthly payment but don't worry about that for now. 

My plan will take 10 years as well but I am paying over £200 per month and this has taken so much pressure off just dealing with Stepchange rather than individual cards.

Stay strong and be proud you are sorting things out ??

 
Posted : 6th September 2020 12:09 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Thanks Jamie & Bladesman for your responses, sorry i’ve just seen them now. This forum is great. I just post now and then as a personal diary but it’s nice when you see other people care.

Today is day 7, one week! It’s flown by. Few urges, if it wasn’t for GamStop i’d definitely have given up by now, so i’m grateful for that. 

When i finished work today I really wished I could sit down and play slots all evening, I’ve come on here instead. It really helps to immediately switch the mindset from “gambling” to “sort your life out”

I’m keeping track of all of the recent threads on here and enjoy reading peoples’ successes, hope everyone’s keeping well!

 

d x

 

 
Posted : 7th September 2020 4:09 pm
(@cookiedough84)
Posts: 12
 
Posted by: d1994

Thanks Jamie & Bladesman for your responses, sorry i’ve just seen them now. This forum is great. I just post now and then as a personal diary but it’s nice when you see other people care.

Today is day 7, one week! It’s flown by. Few urges, if it wasn’t for GamStop i’d definitely have given up by now, so i’m grateful for that. 

When i finished work today I really wished I could sit down and play slots all evening, I’ve come on here instead. It really helps to immediately switch the mindset from “gambling” to “sort your life out”

I’m keeping track of all of the recent threads on here and enjoy reading peoples’ successes, hope everyone’s keeping well!

 

d x

 

Hey D, hope you're well. I've read a few diaries on here since I joined and started my own, but yours reminded me so much of myself. I can totally relate and although I'm only on Day One, if it hadn't been for Gamstop I think I would have given in. It's incredibly difficult to fill the void. I agree with what you mentioned about coming on here and I've found it's helping with my mindset too. It's tough but we can do this! 

And if you ever need someone to talk to, just reach out anytime. It's been nice to read another diary and not feel so alone. That's great you've sorted your debts out too. I'm on payment plans and it is a weight off my mind. 

Anyway, thanks for posting and I'll be following your journey. You should be so proud of how you are doing and I hope in a week's time I'm doing just as well. Take care x

 
Posted : 7th September 2020 5:33 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

I dreamt last night so vividly that I got access to slots and made a deposit immediately. I didn’t even hesitate, i was just excited

I saw ths “7 days since i last gambled” on my profile here and felt a bit annoyed at myself and debated lying about it on here too!

Woke up extremely glad it was a dream

 
Posted : 8th September 2020 6:22 am
(@charlieboy)
Posts: 1013
 

Hi d. It's horrible isn't it I've had dreams like that. It's our brains missing gambling fix just ignore it it'll go away when you don't give in . I'm 3 months on without gambling now and I don't dream about it anymore. You're doing good keep going try a few things like before you go to sleep be thankful for a gamble free day when you get up the next morning think wow another gamble free day awaits what can I do positive today. The days will tick away and turn to weeks. Best wishes

 
Posted : 8th September 2020 6:32 am
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Thanks Charlie, 3 months is amazing! I read your comment this morning before starting my day of work and your advice helped.

Now on day 8 of no gambling, today I hardly thought about it at all and no urges. I’m starting to see how I will be able to live a life without it. Definitely not going to be easy, but it’s proved that it’s only been myself and my desire to play that has held and would still be holding me back! I don’t NEED to gamble like I always felt i did.

I wish i’d signed up to here and GamStop so much sooner, I could have been well on my way by now. But so, so grateful I now have. Still plenty of time to make a change.

Hope everyone’s doing well tonight 

 

d x

 
Posted : 8th September 2020 8:30 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hi @d1994 and welcome to the Forum.

Thank you for sharing your recovery journey on here and well done for getting to day 8 gamble free! A brilliant achievement and sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction.

If there is anything more we can do to support you at the moment please let us know. Our free helplines are open 24/7, 365 days a year. You can call us on 0808 8020 133 to chat to an adviser about additional free support services available to you.

Wishing you all the very best.

Warmest wishes

Zoe 

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 8th September 2020 8:59 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Day 11 of no gambling! I’m off today on Furlough as I have been every Friday for a while, the long weekends can be hard for me. These are normally when i have too much free time to waste my hours away on slots.

Honestly i went onto a site and tried to use a new email to deposit “just £10”, thankfully it was blocked. I would have been so angry with myself. I even googled how to get around the GamCare blocks.

I went onto my online banking and froze gambling payments and have come onto this forum to catch up.

Going to find things to occupy my time and distract myself, but I still feel a bit down that I essentially gave in like that. Like the post-gambling regret and sadness without the gambling. If it weren’t for the exclusion I would have spent everything in my bank account. 

d x

 
Posted : 11th September 2020 12:10 pm
(@bladesman)
Posts: 328
 

Hi, just read your post and rather than feeling down turn it around and feel proud that because you put the blockers in place you didn't succumb. 

Feel positive that you can now get through today, tomorrow and so on.....

All the best

 
Posted : 11th September 2020 3:07 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Day 13 - I have had a pretty sociable weekend and loved it. It came to Saturday evening and I was a bit irritated but tired enough to just go to bed and sleep it off.

This morning I planned to have a nice relaxing Sunday. It started well but then I just felt like I was wasting a day. So many days like today I would have sat there from waking up until bedtime, or whenever I’d spent my last penny, staking 20p on slot machines mindlessly. 

Today I would have enjoyed doing that... so instead I got myself ready and went for a walk at the beach with my dog. It was a beautiful afternoon and I’m so glad i did. It can be so easy to temporarily get out of a mindset when you just get up and do it.

I have just under £20 in my bank account, but it’s still £20 that’s been sitting there since I registered with Gamstop and joined this forum, which normally would have been gone in seconds. Might be stupid to feel this way... but I feel rich!!

Excited for my first gamble-free payday in maybe 5 years.

Hope everyones well

 

d x

 
Posted : 13th September 2020 8:44 pm
(@d1994)
Posts: 52
Topic starter
 

Day 18. Feeling proud of myself, said before that payday will be the real challenge, I often didn’t have money throughout the month to gamble but it was always on my mind, anything that came in was put into slots.

The craving to sit and play in my free time is the hardest part, I don’t know what to do with myself. My family / friends are still too busy or don’t want to hang out a lot of the time. I dread the weekends sometimes, I can’t wait for that to not be the case.

Also, advertisements popping up of slots and big wins really don’t help. I’m not sure if there’s a way to stop them, other than just fading over time from not visiting the sites. 

I’ve filed some complaints for my credit cards and put low payment plans in place. Waiting to hear back about those.

Still catching up with recent posts on the forum most days. Keeps me in a good headspace.

d x

 
Posted : 18th September 2020 8:26 pm
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