Approaching another milestone
Sunday and a fair bit of work being done around the house by a tradesman today.The wife is paying, I'm useless at DIY, no point trying I just dont *** it.
She is going through a rough time mentality, its stressing me a bit, however its keeping her mind off me and my finances, I know in under 2 years my situation will be much much better.lieing to her every day hurts, one day I can start to rebuild my life.
These past 30 years and the money I've wasted are criminal, it's hard not to reflect when I sit here with nothing , yes I have my wife and kids but I could have been a much better dad than I have been.
Today I wont gamble, my life goes on, each day is a struggle.Im still GF
Ok.one thing I will always be on here us 100% honest.
Today I've been fretting about this impending tax bill next month.
All morning gambling thoughts came into my head.
Around 1pm I thought sod it I need to gather a war chest.i can do this.
I took £300 out my bank, for the first time in 6 months I went into a bookies, it made my skin crawl.
I looked at the form.i picked a horse that looked a certainty.
Just one good thing kept going round in my head....I decided to walk out and not bet, the horse won by the way and now I feel a bit depressed. However I still feel I won as I chose not to do it.
I'm ashamed, I nearly gave in.dont ask me why...I'm panicking
I agree with both DramaLlama & MissP. Well done on not giving in.
Your financial situation is obviously very worrying for you but had you tried to gamble your way out of it, than things could well have gone from bad to worse.
Does it matter that the horse won? Probably not because compulsive gamblers are not very good at keeping winnings.
Thanks you lot for the support, what I cant fathom out is why in a time of panic I turn to this wretched gambling, I was conscious all the time that to gamble was the wrong path but I still went into the bookies.
I'm so not out the woods with this, the demon is back in my head and I must not cross the line.
Thank you all for caring.
Day 193 begins.
The day count is hanging on in there, a constant battle .
Tough time of it but I'm determined to not go back, interesting 6 weeks ahead, arguably the key to me surviving this addiction and moving on.
Gambling isn't the solution, it wouldn't end with one win, I know all to well how it usually goes, the little devil in my ear is trying so hard.