congratulations on your will power and great income i hope your words inspire me to bo better myself
Thank you Drama and Richard.
Indeed I will treat the races like a nice night out it's for the customers anyway to enjoy not me.Putting yourself in this position I wanted to avoid but I cant get out of it, I'm sure i will be fine, not taking any money will see to the gambling, simple but effective.
Day 190
Approaching another milestone
Sunday and a fair bit of work being done around the house by a tradesman today.The wife is paying, I'm useless at DIY, no point trying I just dont *** it.
She is going through a rough time mentality, its stressing me a bit, however its keeping her mind off me and my finances, I know in under 2 years my situation will be much much better.lieing to her every day hurts, one day I can start to rebuild my life.
These past 30 years and the money I've wasted are criminal, it's hard not to reflect when I sit here with nothing , yes I have my wife and kids but I could have been a much better dad than I have been.
Today I wont gamble, my life goes on, each day is a struggle.Im still GF
The day has been long but so much has been done in the house for a very reasonable price , it’s made the wife happy and got a load of diy jobs done.
been a good day, absolutely no thoughts about gamble.
another day this evil inside is not fed, good day.
Day 191
Start of another working week, the year is rattling along.
Gonna sit down and work out my debt today.urggh
As ever when you total up the debt it’s ya more than you think.
my debt as of today is £25,362 , more than I thought but I’ve went through the lot.
cant change the fact, now it’s time to work on clearing it...3 years.
Day 192
Bit upset at the debt figure but it wont deter me , the end game is still the same, no gambling.
Today a bit of office work, my back is killing me so needs a bit of rest.
Ok.one thing I will always be on here us 100% honest.
Today I've been fretting about this impending tax bill next month.
All morning gambling thoughts came into my head.
Around 1pm I thought sod it I need to gather a war chest.i can do this.
I took £300 out my bank, for the first time in 6 months I went into a bookies, it made my skin crawl.
I looked at the form.i picked a horse that looked a certainty.
Just one good thing kept going round in my head....I decided to walk out and not bet, the horse won by the way and now I feel a bit depressed. However I still feel I won as I chose not to do it.
I'm ashamed, I nearly gave in.dont ask me why...I'm panicking
Please don't be ashamed. If we aren't honest on here then what is the point of it all? I admire your honesty. Thank you for sharing. I am really pleased to hear that you walked away. You keep on sharing and this will blow over I'm sure. We all have wobbles.
Drama x
BIG well done on not actually betting.. Understand that you must be frustrated that the horse won the race and you would have won money but if you would have placed that bet, you’d be back to Day 1 again... Stay Strong
I agree with both DramaLlama & MissP. Well done on not giving in.
Your financial situation is obviously very worrying for you but had you tried to gamble your way out of it, than things could well have gone from bad to worse.
Does it matter that the horse won? Probably not because compulsive gamblers are not very good at keeping winnings.
Redeemer x
Thanks you lot for the support, what I cant fathom out is why in a time of panic I turn to this wretched gambling, I was conscious all the time that to gamble was the wrong path but I still went into the bookies.
I'm so not out the woods with this, the demon is back in my head and I must not cross the line.
Thank you all for caring.
Day 193 begins.
The day count is hanging on in there, a constant battle .
Tough time of it but I'm determined to not go back, interesting 6 weeks ahead, arguably the key to me surviving this addiction and moving on.
Gambling isn't the solution, it wouldn't end with one win, I know all to well how it usually goes, the little devil in my ear is trying so hard.
Survived the day urges were less today.
Think I was horrified at what k did yesterday.
re focus
Day 194
Nearly the end of the week.
A turbulent week so far but thankfully I've survived it and remain GF , the races loom.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
