My diary, my new life, my fightback

I sit in a castle in mid Scotland at peace with the world. Would never dream of this in the gambling days 

Day 184

Back from Scotland and a free week , clear of things happening. 

So need to plan stuff, back on the diet and more walks will keep me occupied 

day 184 finished and as by my rule I’m about to go offline now.(after7pm) no Internet.

stayed off work today, couldn’t be bothered, not like me.

no gambling

Day 185

Lots to do at work so no chance to gamble. I'm tired , need to keep focused as these periods can catch me out, the long journey is approaching 6 months now, that's 1/2 a year into my lifetime commitment to no more gambling.

It's not been easy at times but I'm in a better place than mid March

A couple of my closest colleagues know about my gambling and my brother in law, they arent much support in truth.

I reflect on the first 6 months and I haven't done some things I'd planned, handing over my finances being the biggest, I just find being in control keeps me focused but understand that it puts me in danger too.

The lying to my wife is my biggest regret, I know one day I will probably be caught out and stupidly I know she can save me a lot of money if I came clean and she stood by me.I simply cant be sure she would so I go on with the deceit. 

I dont need telling I'm doing this wrong, I know I am but so far and most importantly I'm GF for nearly 6 months.

I dunno what I'm rambling about but it's good to put some feelings down.Year 2 this will get easier, the debt is coming down , it's never gone up as in the past but to be fair I've had my now or never moment.

I've been told willpower alone will never win, so far I'm winning.

Hi HC . 

Not been around for a while but saw your last post and wanted to say that your recovery from gambling is exactly that " Your's alone " my friend and as such is bespoke . 

I'm not sure who told you that willpower alone won't cut it as it seem's to be working pretty well for you at the moment and TBH apart from self excluding from high street bookies and a local Casino where I did my damage , apart from this place I also relied on willpower and never gave up financial control . 

My feeling's have always been that it was me that needed fixing and unless I got my head around the fact that I could never gamble again nothing would change , the bookies and casino's I frequented will still exist long after I'm gone in one form or another and unless I could go live on a deserted Island somewhere I will still pass them most day's of my life . 

I know you haven't told your partner but maybe in the future you will have that conversation I don't know ? but that's something only you can decide on and it's my place to judge you on that . 

You may not have done everything you set out to do but from where you were six month's ago , you've come such along way  my friend, so be very proud of your'e milestone . 

Willpower has got a lot to with this , as a strong mind bring's endless possibilities pushing forward for what you want from life , I've just gone past my 4 year mark now and can honestly tell you that it get's better everyday you stay strong . 

An old friend of mine on here always used to sign off with " It's better to ramble than gamble " So  keep rambling :)) .

All the best for now  

Alan    

Posted by: A 9

Hi HC . 

Not been around for a while but saw your last post and wanted to say that your recovery from gambling is exactly that " Your's alone " my friend and as such is bespoke . 

I'm not sure who told you that willpower alone won't cut it as it seem's to be working pretty well for you at the moment and TBH apart from self excluding from high street bookies and a local Casino where I did my damage , apart from this place I also relied on willpower and never gave up financial control . 

My feeling's have always been that it was me that needed fixing and unless I got my head around the fact that I could never gamble again nothing would change , the bookies and casino's I frequented will still exist long after I'm gone in one form or another and unless I could go live on a deserted Island somewhere I will still pass them most day's of my life . 

I know you haven't told your partner but maybe in the future you will have that conversation I don't know ? but that's something only you can decide on and it's my place to judge you on that . 

You may not have done everything you set out to do but from where you were six month's ago , you've come such along way  my friend, so be very proud of your'e milestone . 

Willpower has got a lot to with this , as a strong mind bring's endless possibilities pushing forward for what you want from life , I've just gone past my 4 year mark now and can honestly tell you that it get's better everyday you stay strong . 

An old friend of mine on here always used to sign off with " It's better to ramble than gamble " So  keep rambling :)) .

All the best for now  

Alan    

Hi Alan, good to see you around, 

i think you get me, thanks for the reassurance mate....I am doing this myself in truth and willpower is all I have, I simply have no room to fail on this, you get my point well.

I want a different life, not the 30 previous years of personal torture, I’m on the mend, it’s hard, it’s not easy, I’m still tempted every day but it’s different now, making that deposit or crossing the bookies threshold I know will be the end of me, I may flirt with it but i know if I gamble I’m done with.

I will never get that life I want if I don’t stop, thanks for this mate.

Day 186 

Today is a regular non gambling day

Day 187

Officially I'm 6 months gambling free, hasn't been a doddle but I've done it.Half a year into a 3 year plan.

Things I've learned:

You will never be free of the urge.

You can stop gambling.

You need to tell someone.

You must sign up to Gamstop

You must tackle any debt but dont let creditors ruin you.

You must change , do different things , plan the days.

You must take every day as it comes.

You need to connect with loved ones again, family are important as are good friends.

You must stop putting yourself into tempting situations, stay away from betting shop old haunts.

You must have a zero tolerance to any gambling, you never ever win.

Willpower can get you into a good position, you will never ever be cured , this is always in me now but I'm a determined lad and I simply must never ever gamble again or I'm done, the day I do it I wont ever be around.

I'm proud of myself, long long journey ahead.Patience now and forever.Thank you to those that show support , it means the world.

Posted by: holycrosser

Day 187

Officially I'm 6 months gambling free, hasn't been a doddle but I've done it.Half a year into a 3 year plan.

Things I've learned:

You will never be free of the urge.

You can stop gambling.

You need to tell someone.

You must sign up to Gamstop

You must tackle any debt but dont let creditors ruin you.

You must change , do different things , plan the days.

You must take every day as it comes.

You need to connect with loved ones again, family are important as are good friends.

You must stop putting yourself into tempting situations, stay away from betting shop old haunts.

You must have a zero tolerance to any gambling, you never ever win.

Willpower can get you into a good position, you will never ever be cured , this is always in me now but I'm a determined lad and I simply must never ever gamble again or I'm done, the day I do it I wont ever be around.

I'm proud of myself, long long journey ahead.Patience now and forever.Thank you to those that show support , it means the world.

Great thread, great post. 

To say well done might seem patronising. However, I know how hard this last six months must have been. You have every right to feel proud. Here's to the next six years! 

Excellent progress Holycrosser.

Six months gamble free and you have a great attitude to recovery.

I wish you well as you continue on your life-changing adventure.

Stephen 

Day 188

Cheers Ian and Steven.

The end of another week.Slept badly but still at least I slept a bit.

Bits n Bob's planned today nothing major.

Day 189

Feeling a bit nervous today.i have a race day sprung on me I have to go to next week through work.Big test I'd rather not have but something I have to get through.Free bar may help.

Today, walk, match , music at the pub tonight.

Another gambling period on a Saturday survived , here’s to another.

I have been to a corporate race day. It was before I was a gambler so I don't know how I'd feel about having one sprung on me at this time. 

What I will say is that I enjoyed that day. I did not gamble as I couldn't afford it and didn't really understand it at the time anyway. I just got dressed up fancy. Was in a corporate tent away from the track and enjoyed a 3 course meal. My friends were betting but I walked down to the finish post and when the massive horses went past I jumped and cheered. Hubby was like, why are you cheering?? I said because it's exciting hearing their thunderous hooves on the turf. Don't you feel that? They were massive too. Like two of me high. It was a great day. I don't look back on it but with anything but fond memories. Like I said though, I was not a gambler back then. I was about 19. Innocent times. I hope you get innocent joyful pleasures from your day and no gambling urges. 

Drama x