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My diary, my new life, my fightback  

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holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

ok you lot, I joined up last week and I’ve read some inspirational stuff but this boils down to me.

I’ve promised a lot in the last few days to yous and myself, so I will create my diary on how I’m going and how I feel, I hope to look back on this in years to come and gain strength, here goes.

I came to a stop a couple of weeks ago, joined here for something, anything, I just knew it had to stop.Yesterday I joined Gam stop, I’m now self excluded from almost all online uk based bookies, the rest I’m pretty sure I’ve weeded out them all and I’m now excluded so first job done, the high street bookies is down to me as I believe most don’t give a fig about excluding you.

I’m avoiding high streets as best as I can

I talked in another thread about doing things differently in life, stop the boredom, I’ve banned use of phone and tablet after 7pm in my house, usually after dinner, my partner has joined me in this, now bear in mind she doesn’t know and I have many reasons as to why I haven’t told her so it’s my choice and I know the pitfalls so please don’t judge me yet.Ive also agreed to go walking this Saturday because I like it and it’s good exercise and keeps me busy, my partner is delighted , I’m trying to make little changes.

I’ve not gambled yesterday or today, I’m surviving.more to follow and please don’t get bored of me

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Posted : 19th March 2019 11:19 am
dustyfairy25
(@dustyfairy25)

Yo, sounds to me that you’ve got a good plan which you are putting in to place . Well done for taking these positive steps, this journey is not easy but if you close as many doors as possible ( which you have done by self excluding ) it reduces the urges .

Stay strong , keep posting , but above all be kind to you . What’s done is done , addiction feeds on negativity , your positive attitude can only aid your recovery . All the best. Shiny 🙂

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Posted : 19th March 2019 1:12 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

dustyfairy25 wrote:

Yo, sounds to me that you’ve got a good plan which you are putting in to place . Well done for taking these positive steps, this journey is not easy but if you close as many doors as possible ( which you have done by self excluding ) it reduces the urges .

Stay strong , keep posting , but above all be kind to you . What’s done is done , addiction feeds on negativity , your positive attitude can only aid your recovery . All the best. Shiny 🙂

Many thanks, time to put down the iPad and today I didn’t gamble

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th March 2019 6:56 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

So a new day begins, checked in here and reminded myself that life will one day be better, today I will not gamble, today is another step nearer the real me.

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Posted : 20th March 2019 5:32 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Made £180 cash on a deal at work, I’d normally be straight to the bookies, today it went into the bank to pay off debt

Passed a few old haunts today, hated it but stayed strong

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Posted : 20th March 2019 5:37 pm
dustyfairy25
(@dustyfairy25)

Yo, well done . Breaking old habits can be part of fight . But you stayed strong, and next time the dam monkey on your shoulder tries to temp you , think back to how you pushed off last time and you can well and trully do with more days under you belt. Keep on keeping on. ...... Shiny:-)

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Posted : 20th March 2019 10:58 pm
Caseyjay
(@caseyjay)

Sounds like you are doing all the right things 🙂

Well done for staying strong

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Posted : 20th March 2019 11:11 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Thanks for the support folk, in these early days it can seem easy for some to stop, I'm under no illusions how hard this will be.Today I won't gamble

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Posted : 21st March 2019 4:55 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Everyone has a moment that they say enough is enough, mine came a few weeks back, I’d lost £180 I couldn’t afford to lose and I had £43 left on my overdraft, £37 of that was deposited from a mate for a trip away next month.......so what did I do, 8 went and drew £40 out as I fancied this dog strongly, got back in from the cash machine knowing what I was doing was a complete mess but still I wrote the bet out and for some reason I decided to stick a 4/7 favourite in a 2 horse race with it so I’d get my money back....the dog romped in 5/2 , yes, just this good thing in a 2 horse race......it got slaughtered and I just walked out the betting shop numb, I cried in the car, I couldn’t believe that I’d come to that, Ive lost thousands but that one bet hit me the hardest if 30 years of this rubbish, it was then that I knew it was time to stop and seek help.

In truth, it’s saved me, in truth I hope it’s saved me thousands, I hated myself that day.

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Posted : 21st March 2019 1:49 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Another day passed gambling free, had one or two weird run ins with going passed bookies I normally go in late afternoon when my work is done and my mind wanders, safe to say I passed the test but it's just a reminder that this thing tries to creep up on you all the time.very long road ahead.

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Posted : 22nd March 2019 5:16 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Planning ahead to keep busy....tonight in with my OH , no footy, no iPad ....Saturday long walk after lunch which is peak period on a Saturday afternoon or it was for gambling, planned a day out on Sunday with OH , this really helps and is all part of re inventing my mind and life.

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Posted : 22nd March 2019 11:42 am
Poblwc
(@poblwc)

Well done - keeping positive is helping you hopefully there will be better weather and your walks with OH will be more regular- not only you are stopping gambling but you could be saving your marriage as well (i’m not saying your marriage is in danger) but i’ve read a lot of stories on here about problems with couples due to this awful addiction

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Posted : 22nd March 2019 12:02 pm
Bgc32
(@bgc32)

Well done mate keep it up!!!

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Posted : 22nd March 2019 12:09 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Thanks for the support, nice night tonight with OH, no gambling, just calm.

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Posted : 22nd March 2019 9:56 pm
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Morning all, just got up and paid off some debt with the £180 that I made on a business deal, felt great as normally it would be squandered if not today it would eventually be gobbled up by the bookies, I feel proud of myself.Ive had a great week, I’m calm, the sun is shining and my day is filled with everything bar gambling and sports.Ive been here before and wonder why I left this positive lifestyle to go back to the misery of gambling, it’s n**s.

I’ve set up a deal next week and it should come off and I will earn a whopping £480 on top of another deal worth £120 so potentially £600, I can’t wait to tie them up and that will go straight off debt, it actually excites me and feels great to see the debt go down.Yesterday I didn’t gamble and today I won’t gamble, have a safe Saturday folks and please DO NOT GAMBLE , THATS THE SECRET TO BEATING THIS.

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Posted : 23rd March 2019 7:10 am
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