Firstly just noticed I posted my first day was 31/05/20 being gamble free, but it was actually the 1st June. Anyway, I wanted to write some of this down as I thought it would help me.
So I have been 19 days gamble free so far, and to be honest, not really thought about it much. Apart from the concern of the weekend ahead and English football starting again, the sports I used to bet on have gone to the back of my mind.
The biggest reason for this is that I am still dealing with the destruction I have left behind. The emotions are still very raw and the damage still clear, no one has "healed" or moved on yet. I spent a week building up the courage to tell the most important people in my life, my biggest secret, and once I did that everything changed.
Telling my partner, seeing her and her life being turn upside, having to leave the home that we had been in together for 3+ years and then having to go home to my parents to tell them and go through it all again... it was hard. I have told my closest friends and they have been supportive, which was good.
I have stayed in regular contact with my now ex-partner as she wants to see me get better and who knows there could be a future together down the line (7 years together before this) but she knows i need some time alone (and so does she) to process everything and work on myself.
So 19 days have flown by, I have had a couple of counselling sessions in this period and look forward to more. I have got a lot to read on and invest time in so help kick this habit, but I am also aware I just need a "break" from everything mentally as so much has happened and changed.
As I mentioned in another post, I do have concerns about the weekend, but I think being open and honest about these to the people I trust is going to help also.
If you have read this far down, then thank you, and I will keep it updated.
Cheers.
Admire your courage and honesty Essex. You could have buried your head in the sand but instead you have shown respect by being truthful to your loved ones and also to your friends.
As you get further away from the gambling you will hopefully develop a fresh mindset and see things in a better light.
Your future lies ahead of you and it will be a great adventure with happy days, laughter and romance.
Wishing you well as you continue on your journey.
Loads
Up to day 70 tomorrow, without gambling. Feels great. A few urgers along the way and one nightmare this week, where I woke up sweating (and not cause of the heat!) as I thought I had gambled but it was all a dream.
I am keeping up with the weekly counselling, they have lost a bit of focus recently as we have spoken about the relationship mentioned above and I need to get back to discussing gambling and ensuring I fully understand everything. I am still not clear on why I gamble, why did I do what I did and lose all that money and tell all the lies. I want to identify at least the triggers so I can keep up this gamble free life.
I have taken action on some of the things suggested on this forum, I no longer look at the fixtures (this was a massive help, you lose track quickly of what is going on etc and that urge goes as you are not thinking "oh that's an easy win"). I have been able to watch football, probably still a bit too much, and not have the urge or thought of what the odds are and how much i could win. However, my end goal is to change my lifestyle and not even be worried about watching it.
I have dealt with a lot over the last 70 days and with everything chucked my way have not gone back to gambling and using that as an escape. My stress levels have been very high at times and i need to chanel that in the right way and find a release.
I know I need to work on myself in so many different ways, but today I am just happy to be approaching 70 days tomorrow!
Hi @essexcc,
Congratulations on your 70 days!
Sounds like you're accepting all the support you can, which is great, and you've got clear goals that you want to achieve with your counselling. A huge well done to you!
All the best moving forward,
Elizabeth
Forum Admin
HiEssexcc you should be happy with your achievement you're doing really well keep it going . One thing I want to point out the counsellor will keep going back to your relationship as they try look at the big picture and how gambling is not a separate issue from the rest of your life. I do though understand that for you the main focus is trying to make sense of what you did so you don't fall back into the same behaviour. So with that in mind have you thought about GA meetings? Being in a room with people like you is really good as you don't have to explain anything about gambling addiction . You can get advice from people at all stages of recovery I've done 2 meetings so far 3rd one tonight I would recommend you thinking about going . Best wishes going forward for you .
Hi everyone
I’m up to 160 days now and while it feels great I am still obviously dealing with all the fall out the addiction had caused.
it is useful to come on here and remind myself of what I wrote and how I felt back in June, it is a good way of remembering the pain I was in then and motivation to not go back there.
one bit of common advice for anyone looking to come clean (that I wish I followed): get it all out, everything, on day 1, rip the band aid off completely, it will be easier in the long run. I didn’t do this, I filtered some of my secrets out and it made things harder in the end.
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