sounds to me like your instincts are spot on, he’s for want of a better word manipulating you, he’s playing your emotional boundaries to try and get some Lea way. An active gambler with their back against the wall will come out all guns blazing than admit defeat, he wants you to back off, he’s looking for that hole in your defences. Addiction is crazy there’s no off switch, at the minute he’s looking at passing his pain on to you to deal with, sounds like he’s gone in to the infant stage of kicking and screaming to get what he wants.
You've done nothing wrong, and shouldn’t feel like you have, start using reverse psychology, put your focus on you and what you want, can he give you what you would expect your child’s partner to give them. Don’t go chasing it’s what an addict thrives on. Look after yourself first as a priority if you don’t who will?
Thanks Deano and Cathy. You're both right and saying what I'm thinking. My fear is what's kept me in this cycle. It's been my choice to follow this path but admitting defeat and being honest with myself is where it's brought me. The weirdest thing is he's really calm. The psychological aspects are so interesting. Now I feel like the guilty person when all I'm doing is putting myself first. God knows how you/he/they feel when in action, lying, chasing. I'm also petrified of the fallout. The outcome of my actions.
Addicts in action generally don’t feel anything, it’s like stepping into the twilight zone, rational ceases to exist. It’s like running a race you remember the beginning and the end. The come downs hard, reality kicks in, a thousand excuses start filtering through your brain. People think it’s a choice, it’s deeper than that, it’s hard to fight, it drives you to do things and say things that you just normally wouldn’t.
you can’t kick yourself you’ve done everything you can. You’ve gone above and beyond to help him. He’s trying to hurt you because you’re the final barrier stopping him from gambling. Don’t get drawn in to his reality, continue on as you would, continue going to meetings. Keep the focus on yourself it’s not selfish.
You talk a lot of sense. I wish there was more opportunity to talk to gamblers who are knowledgeable. Even though the reality is no one knows what another is thinking and I have no idea what his plan is as he never really talks.
Sitting amongst a pile of books clearing out 20 years of stuff. It's all gotta go!
I’m quite a reserved person myself, my wife often thinks I’m in a mood when I’m not, I’m quite content in my thoughts and have a tendency to just drift away. Men tend to not like burdening their wife’s with trivial problems. In a way I feel he maybe pushing you away because he’s scared of your reaction.
although there’s the possibility he may not of gambled he will still have the traits of an addict, new behaviours are hard to form especially when you’ve been a certain way for so long. I still feel like I’m lying sometimes and I haven’t bet in almost 3 years. Old habits die hard I guess.
i don’t think I’d react in a way your husband has if I hadn’t gambled, I’m always happy to answer any questions my wife asks, she doesn’t have many, we just moved on.
It’s a shame the forum isn’t the hive it once was, there was some great knowledgeable people that used to grace these pages who may of been able to help you better than i, but since I’m here you’ll have to make do 😂
i remember our little chats about music, music has played a big part in my recovery. I’m thankful to you and all those of old who helped me when I needed it. It’s nice to pay it back I just wish it was under better circumstances.
Thanks deano, haven't been on for few days. Trying to process what's going on. I've talked to him, got legal advice and it's done, over. He doesn't want to be with me. Doesn't want to change, improve relationships, go to meetings etc. I don't want it to drag on either.
My daughter got her gcse results yesterday, she did really well. We went out for lunch, but you feel you can't do that with him now. You end up feeling like he does it deliberately, it's a cloud hanging over us. But when is a good time?
As Gloria gaynor said 'I will survive '!! Got to go through it to come out the other side.