Life With Sports Bets Only

It’s winter it’s getting cold

I must be brave I must be bold 

I cannot gamble I must abstain 

For to gamble there would be no gain 

Only loss only despair 

Odds stacked against not at all fair

So I must find other things to take up my time 

Like exercise reading and writing a rhyme

I can’t help others I have nothing to give

I don’t know how long I have to live 

But I have to live normal not succumb to temptation 

Find new hobbies some sort of creation 

A new me cast the old me away 

Live life just for today 

Treat each day as precious and try to achieve 

Bow down to God say forgive me please 

For a life full of waste and selfishness 

And not achieving and just making a mess

Allow me to find some peace and calm

Show others who I really am

All the wasted money

All the wasted years

Few good memories to look back on

And now there’s only tears

Regret and self hate 

What will now be my fate

Going through the motions 

Thinking what could have been

A life full of luxury could have been real not a dream

I could have travelled the world and explored all the sights 

Instead of gambling my way through all the nights 

Never buying anything decent wearing the same old shoes 

Just throwing away money sometimes wanting to lose

Just to put an end to the ups downs and stress

Just to get to the point of accepting the latest mess

A continuous cycle an embarrassing life

Not living with joy just with trouble and strife 

Could have donated money to a number of good causes 

Instead the bookmakers benefited from my losses 

Now I fully accept I have been such a clown

Once thought winning highs were great but I’ve now fallen down 

Rock bottom doesn’t even begin to describe it 

Just no way forward but it’s not in me to end it 

Keep soldiering on one day at a time 

And cling on to the hope that I don’t further decline 

To all the youngsters see the world like Niagra falls 

Don’t end up like me just stuck looking at four walls 

Kick gambling into touch find other things to do 

Explore and find something new

If you don’t give up young you will find it’s too late 

In 30 years time there’s no one there to open the gate 

Many thanks for the wonderful poems you have recently posted on to your diary.

Very inspiring.

Best wishes from Stephen 

In 1988 I had savings in my account

Not a lot just a small amount

Then I took a higher paid job with better opportunities but stress

Thats when my finances started getting into a mess

Periods of time with little to do

Busy days came along all too few

Time spent drinking coffee and watching the clock

No one monitoring my time so off to the bookies I'd flock

Seemed like a way to stop being bored

But in a few months I'd be totally floored 

Never borrowed before but my savings had gone

So I had no choice but to ask for a loan

Of course the loan money went the same way

Now I had really gone astray

But I came up with another plan, cheques I would cash

Another bad call, another decision of rash

Suddenly I'd gone from not being daft

To having an unplanned big overdraft

Consolidation is the answer the bank manager said

Interest for the bank was all that was in his head

So overdrafts, loans and credit cards became my way of existing

Until I came close to a bankruptcy listing

A remortgage was better according to a financial adviser

I listened to him as I thought he was wiser

And all may have been well had I stopped at that time

Instead more gambling sent me into further decline

I sit at the bottom of a mountain to climb

I'll get there financially eventually I'll be fine

But happiness isnt defined by being rich or poor

You need to feel fulfilled inside thats for sure

And as I sit here and type on a cloudy day

I yearn for contentment instead of dismay 

Well no-one posting on my diary so I'll write myself a rhyme

Sit and recall memories from a much better time

When life offered hope, prospects and a future path

Now its all gone and I have so much wrath 

Play out my life every day is the same 

Reasons for my mess but my excuses are lame

Took the wrong road, wrong decisions, too weak

Kept quiet and didnt ask for help, didnt speak

Joined gamcare in 2010

Thought things were bad way back then

11 years on so much worse so much more money lost

Not just financial but lots of other cost

Impact on others affected their lives

Stabbed people in the back but not with knives

Dear Captain you have been such a fool

Gamcare gave answers but you had your own rules

People say its never too late to stop

But my age and situation puts me in another crop

Will just live day by day till its my time to die

Try not to relapse and not to lie

But my life has no future so spend time thinking of the past

The good times mostly although they did not last

A gamble became better than all else I knew 

I wish I could help people if only a few

My experience could assist with what not to do

Although I'm not someone to guide as I haven't a clue

Hi captain..

Keep strong and as you said get through day by day..

May i ask now what do you do in spare time day by day to help you not to relalse? 

Im also finding it important to get through day by day rather than dwelling on the past which is easier said then done or thinking of future which is unknown and scary

Lou xx

P.s i think it may be too late to repair all damages but its never too late to improve things and focus on a gamble free recovery to prevent any further damage 

Hi Lou 

thanks for the post, appreciated.

yes very difficult not to keep thinking of the past and regretting bad decisions gambling related and otherwise. 

I have filled time by some combination of walking, reading and watching much more TV and DVDs than ever before. These are not preventative to gambling but these are the things I do to pass time, some more enjoyable than others. I still have ‘dead’ time where I just do nothing but think and meditate. 

I have intention to do more out and about things but of course conditions over the past year have not been conducive to that with so many things closed and cancelled. 

I have no idea of your age but I strongly believe that those who manage to stop at a younger age can much more easily build a new life than those of an older generation. 

I am happy to continue exchanging posts with you and helping each other on each of our diaries if you are open to this.

keep believing and doing what is right for you.

Hi captain just read this thankyou,  great that your trying to fill your time with other things that wond do you harm. 

Hopefully by summer you will have more freedom to be out and about but keeping holding on otherwise your doing the right things.

Thanks im hoping for a better future just lot to sort out first but main thing is not gambling atm ..like you i need to learn to fill my time with other things

Lou x

Barriers are fine they can help you a lot

Things like someone looking after money and use of Gamstop

Use of GA, self exclusion and counselling all good tools

Take all the advice, follow all the rules

But if you want to gamble you'll find a way you will

You will get round the barriers, use your skill

Because out brains are wired differently you know

Always a part wants a piece of the show

Abstinence is great, the longer it goes on the easier it can become

But complacency is the big enemy for some

A trip, a slip, a relapse can occur

No ones fault I do concur

So at the end of the day when you have taken the plunge and jumped in the bath

Taken all the guidance and are on the right path

Just in the same way that if you want to wash yourself clean you take a shower

There comes a time when you simply have to rely on WILLPOWER

Thats when you have real recovery and control down the road

Whether you still have tools in place and you have back your pin code

Its when your head simply doesn't want to do it any more and no effort is needed

When there's no voice in your head saying 'go on one more' and you have proceeded

You just live normal like the majority of others

But never say you have fully recovered  

You never see gamblers with a smile on their face

The world on their shoulders just waiting for the next event, spin or race

Recovery is tough, you have to go the extra mile

But the more time without gambling, the more you smile 

Hey Captain, haven’t seen you in chat recently, hope you’re ok. 
Thanks for your comment on my diary. 
All the best, 

Tizzy. 

Hello Captain. 

Hope you have been keeping well. 

Looking forward to reading some more of your excellent posts.

Aum ?

Thanks Tizzy and Aum for the posts. Been on chat off and on but had 5 down days in a row so wasnt the best. Hadn't checked my diary for posts for a while.

Here is a poem for today:

Spring is here the sky is much more bright

It isnt dark early in the evening, for longer it stays light

For a gambler the seasons dont really change

We are a breed with a different mindset which to others is really strange

We have to be in the action, have to feel alive

We may think we want more money but really its for the buzz we strive

A near miss wakes us up, a win can give elation

But eventually we give it all back and we show our frustration

Mood swings, grumpy, health and work affected

Relationships lost, regrets and the past reflected

Abstinence brings peace, allows us sleep at night

Stops us having nightmares, waking up thinking of loss and with a fright

Appreciating spring and all the other seasons 

Not doing so for years for all the gambling reasons

Pretty colours and flowers and blue sky dont give the same buzz feeling

But better to appreciate nature than gamble and be left reeling 

hi captain spoke to you on chat yesterday didnt see you tonight but i read some of your diary from 10 years ago and just read some of your poems there great keep them up captain and i wish you luck 1 day at a time i dont know how many gf days / months years you have now couldnt find it but i know your diary started a while back but your persistance is inspiring i understand what you say about age even tho i am only 35 this year i here it alot it gets harder with age so well done for continuing this battle with this devil i look forward to hearing from you 

I’ve been in a deep sleep for a number of years 

There’s been money lost and heartache and tears 

I wish I could say that it’s all been a dream 

I wish I could tell you it’s not as bad as it seems 

But bad life decisions I’ve taken a few 

I can’t turn back the clock I can’t start life anew 

The urge wasn’t in me before I got lost on wrong roads 

Only after that did I encounter problem and compulsive modes 

Stressful jobs and relationships took their toll 

I didn’t behave like myself, I took on a new role 

Couldn’t cope with life without having a bet

Helped me to function didn’t know the cost yet 

Losing money is one thing but health and people too

We only get one life I wish we got 2

I’d start again with all the lessons I’ve learned 

I’d make the effort to fix things and mend

But if it’s too late for me then maybe others I can advise

Steer them on the right path get them focused on the prize 

For life can offer many opportunities to be happy and succeed 

By saying NO to gambling and living without that need