Let's see how it goes.

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Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Hey PA, thanks for checking in. Sorry I haven't been around much I've been enjoying my freedom from Gambling and spending it with family. I'm currently on day 79 GF and couldn't be happier, with absolutely zero interest in having a bet.

I can see everything so clearly now, what I want from life, from my family, from myself and I've set targets to make sure I get there. My wife is still struggling with what I've done, it hasn't even been 3 months since I admitted everything but she is trying to move forward and I admire her for it. We have our good and bad moments but can I really expect anything else right now? One thing I know for sure is if I keep moving forward in the direction I am now then things will be ok. I've also made my first major payment from my debts and while it may be a substantial amount to some it only touches the surface on the overall amount but I'm trying to think of the positives about everything....so with that money and payments from the last month I estimate to have paid just over 5% of my debt off, not huge but it's a decrease in the figure and not an increase for the first time in forever. Looking forward to the end of Feb and hopefully I can pay a little bit more.

Still having to work hard on myself and staying positive, I still struggle with what I've done to family. Granted my children are only young and may never know but I do and I'll never forgive for myself. As for my wife, only time will tell if things can be repaired but for the first time in a long long time I feel good about everything. I'm determined to make 2017 our year and to put things right.

 
Posted : 2nd February 2017 12:15 am
Proudarab
(@proudarab)
Posts: 216
 

Hey Danny,

Well done on 100 days mate.

PA

 
Posted : 23rd February 2017 2:26 pm
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Hey ProudArab, Thanks for your message. 🙂

 
Posted : 25th March 2017 4:16 pm
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been around much. I joined here at a bad time in my life and coming back was bringing it all up so I found that staying away was easier. Anyway the further away I get from that last bet the easier it is to confront things, what's done is done. What can be changed is how I move forward, I''m keeping myself busy at every opportunity, I'm going back to the gym and feeling the best I have in a long time both physically and mentally, little jobs in the house are starting to get done, I'm trying my hardest to be the best dad and husband I can and putting everything into repairing the damage I caused from gambling.

Up to now I've paid off almost 10% of my debt due to extra time at work and a few other bits and hopefully by the end of April it will be just over the 20% mark. While I feel good at the end of every month when I see how much I have paid off it also hits me hard when I think about the holiday we could have had with that £2000 etc but I think I need that, it's driving me to stay away so at the end of all this, that money can go back to giving my family what they should have had.

My relationship with my wife I feel is improving, we spend a lot of time together again as a couple and a family which keeps me positive. If I can continue going the way I am then there is no reason whhy we can't return to how we once were. She does still have her moments and rightly so, she reminds me of what I did, how I behaved and how I treat her. I know she's still hurt and I understand that so I'm just continuing to move forward. I can honestly say I will never be here again, I do not want to become the person I was during that time. We all have our own battles and problems but keep strong, however bad it seems there is a way out.

 
Posted : 25th March 2017 4:53 pm
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Good morning everyone, not sure who's still around or who reads this. Just thought I'd log in to catch up with what's going on, as I said before I struggle sometimes coming on to read over what happened...takes me back to a dark time. Anyway was extremely surprised to see my GF figure at 494, only 6 days away from a major milestone and it's so good to be able to say that I honestly haven't placed a single bet in that time.

How is everyone else doing? Alan, PA, Anon, Oldham, ODAAT, cynical?? I hope you are all doing well, I want to thank you again for all your advice and help almost 16 months ago when I first visited here all down and suicidal with nowhere to turn.

It's scary to think how much has changed in that time, the debts are over 50% cleared (which has been a lot of hard work), it probably could have been more but between me and the wife we decided we would spend some money on us afterall we haven't been able to for years. It's been nice to be able to treat the family, go away for weekends alone and with the kids, decorate some of the house and generally see a smile on all of their faces. It's fair to say that I couldn't be further from the person I was when I joined here...and things couldn't be better at home given the situation. We've managed to book a holiday for the first time in years and it will be a great one, taking the kids to Disneyland, finally after all the years of empty promises and 2018 is aimed at getting rid of the final end of that debt all being well.

I also took another job, hopefully a much more long term one. More importantly it's in a completely different location. I used to find being in certain areas where I'd sit blowing thousands would bring me down, getting away from that environment has helped me a lot.

If anyone does read this, old or new. I can only say that Gambling changed my life in a way I can never imagine, but stopping gambling changed it for the better and was the best choice I have ever made.

 
Posted : 24th March 2018 8:09 am
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

496 and counting....I'm finding myself logging in daily now to see that big milestone.

 
Posted : 26th March 2018 5:17 am
samba79
(@samba79)
Posts: 52
 

Well done Danny this is amazing to read through from where you are now to where you were then. Really pleased for you.

Can I ask as someone who’s only very recently messed up, what was your biggest contribution to helping you? Was it coming clean, counseling, or something else? Good luck for the future.

 
Posted : 26th March 2018 9:51 pm
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Good morning Samba, thankyou so much for your kind words, it's not been easy but I feel a much stronger person for stopping. I'm sorry to hear that you messed up, just try not to let it get you down because I found that only drove me further towards gambling rather than turning my back on it. I've copied and pasted the below from a thread that I posted on someones diary the other day, apologies for it being so long winded. Some of it might be relevant to your situation others not but it was my journey to stopping and I hope that it helps in some way.

"To start with I would recommend setting up a diary so that others can read your journey and contribute. I joined this place 494 days ago to be exact and that was one of the first things I was advised to do by a very very helpful/supportive person. It gives you somewhere to vent and to talk about whats going on.

I was in your position just over 16 months ago. A debt figure that could have bought a house and a massive gambling problem made worse due to the fact that I kept everything secret. I eventually decided enough was enough and seeked help through my best friend and then eventually coming clean to my wife of 8 years. Cut a long story short I almost lost everything including her and my 2 children. My first job was to contact all websites that I used to gamble with and explain that I had an addiction and wanted to be excluded from their company indefinately, don't worry if you can't remember them all they will eventually e-mail you telling you how much they miss you...just make sure you do the same when they pop up. Next ask your partner to download the software GAMBAN onto your computer, this prevents you from accessing any gambling sites that you currently don't use (it helped me a lot at the start). Look into the counselling this site offers, I couldn't benefit from the face to face due to my job so instead opted for the telephone counselling, helping me find the cause of my problem which happened to be boredom due to working away and a lot of time being alone, all habits I needed to change to get out of the deadly cycle.

Hiding it was easy as I had control of the finances so my wife never saw all the comings and goings, I handed over all usernames and passwords to these accounts so that moving forward my transactions would be monitored which kinda makes it impossible without being seen before the too much damage is done. Cancel all credit cards and when they arrive let your partner open them and shred them immediately, that way your card details are void on the sites and you have no access to further usage of your cards.

As for the joint account, I would recommend against this, your partner for now needs to be seperating herself from your finances so that it doesn't have an affect on her. My wife opened her own account and has her wages put I there while monitoring mine (this will get better as you build the trust and 16 months on she is considering using the joint account again). Sit down and make a plan of how you are going to pay the debts off, it may sound a**l but having a plan and sticking to it as closely as possible has allowed me to pay off over 50% of my huge debt in 16 months, it will also show your partner how serious you are. I also give her a balance of all debts on the 1st of every month so she can see the change and that I continue to work in the right direction. I know all this sounds drastic and maybe a little OTT but I was determined never to gamble again, and everything we decided on was my suggestion.

It's not easy, far from it to be honest but if you seriously want to beat it then you need to be devoted to beating it. I know I am and I sit 6 days off the 500 day mark, absolutely no interest in gambling in any way and a very strong relationship off the back off my dedication to beat it, in fact right now it disgusts me at the thought of what I have done...Gambling is for mugs. Not every story is a success story, it ultimately lies with you and what you want. I know people on here who have been in your position, stopped but then got complacent and ended up loosing everything, home, familes, friends, jobs etc. You need to decide on which route you want to take and go for it."

 
Posted : 27th March 2018 5:54 am
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Well I've done it, 500 days without a bet....

It's been tough, and to be honest coming back here the last week has brought a lot of painful memories back which I've struggled with. Thinking about the debt, the lies and deceit towards my family etc hasn't been pleasant but it's a constant reminder of why I don't want to be in that place again. My wife tells me not to stress about all that now because we are 'getting through it and moving forward'. She always knows what to say, and hopefully in the next couple of months I can bring that debt figure down a little more. Things have stagnated a bit over the last few months as I've had no extra cash but I need to focus more on where I am now compared to where I was 17 months ago.

Hope everyone is ok. Have a great easter weekend 🙂

 
Posted : 30th March 2018 5:19 am
Little miss lost
(@little-miss-lost)
Posts: 745
 

Congratulations Danny, 500 days - a fantastic achievement!!
I remember you from the beginning, both you and Proudarab encouraging each other along. All that encouragement worked because you've both now just hit your 500 days and I'm pleased to see that both of your lives have greatly improved.
You should be so proud of yourself because you had to face so many struggles to get to where you are today. It's lovely to see your wife still there by your side.
Try not to be sad looking back. Be happy looking forward and enjoy your new found freedom away from the horrors of gambling x

 
Posted : 30th March 2018 8:03 am
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Hey Little Miss, how are you? Thanks for the kind words.

Looking back at how I was then I still can't believe I have hit 500 days without a bet. It's been a long, tough road but one I'm happy to still be on. I had a lot of great advice back then but it was nice to have ProudArab there as we were in very similar situations at pretty much the same time like you say, I'm hoping to hear something from him soon, I hope he's still doing well.

I am extremely proud of myself, I only wish I had done it a year or so earlier when I initially thought I could beat it myself only to end up in a much worse position but I'm fighting my way out of it. Hopefully all being well I should see the back of the majority of the debt by this time next year but I'm trying not to worry too much about that as that was one of my initial triggers. As you say I'm enjoying the freedom, the happiness and the extra cash which being GF brings and I don't intend on going back.

As for my wife, well what can I say. She has been amazing from the start, I know we had an initial hiccup but we worked through it and fought to save our relationship. Above all it was amazing how much she trusted me and my plan to get us out of the mess and I'd like to think that I've won back a little bit of trust by sticking to my word. Not sure where I would have been had she closed the door on our relationship back then.

 
Posted : 30th March 2018 2:54 pm
Dannyp
(@dannyp)
Posts: 77
Topic starter
 

Well after going over 18 months to the day since I last placed any form of bet (15.11.2016) I found myself reflecting and thinking back over that time and what went on before it. It still gets me down to think of what I did, the hurt I caused and the lies I told not to mention the money I wasted and the debts I racked up. I still look at the figure I owe today and it stresses me from time to time, I think of what I put my wife and family through and it tears me apart. I recently found myself feeling very very down about the whole thing and very upset, but at that same moment I got an instant reminder of how lucky I am as my wife cuddled me, gave me words of comfort and told me how much she loves me.

I look at where I am now to where I was 18 months ago and there is absolutely no comparison, my mental health is better, my relationship is the best it's been in a long time not only with my wife but my kids too, my debts are the lowest they have been in a long time, we have money to spare and have done more as a couple and family then we have in a long long time with a lot of things to look forward to in the near future, and we are able to decorate our house as it was much need. But what changed??

I'll tell you what changed, I realised that I couldn't go on like I was any longer and that if I continued I would lose absolutely everything, I voluntarily reached out to my uncle and friend and then told my wife the truth, I voluntarily placed all the possible blocks I could in position, I sat down and made a plan of how I was going to get out of this mess and follow that plan to this day, and joined this site for advice where I met a lot of people, people who gave me advice and spoke harsh truths which also helped me in recovery. I know how lucky I am because I met people who have lost everything, and I promised myself that wouldn't be me.

I can't even begin to explain how much better my life is without gambling, truth is I don't miss it in the slightest and have no interest in following that path again. I hope my dairy can inspire people to beat this or even to give them tips of how to beat it themselves, my feeling is if you are on this site then there is a great chance that you have been effected by gambling in one way or another, if you are on the side that throws money at the casinos or betting shops then please STOP, it's never too late but you have to want to do it.

 
Posted : 18th May 2018 8:31 am
Proudarab
(@proudarab)
Posts: 216
 

Hi Danny,

How are you?  I just logged on to have a quick reality check of how far I've come in the last 3 years and noticed your post on my page.

Yes all is good with me,  debts are coming down slowly but surely and family life is absolutely great.  Still get the odd harsh reminder when my wife will talk about something one of the kids did on holiday 4 years ago and I don't have a clue what she's talking about.  I clearly was only there in body and not in mind.  But yeah all is great, how's things for you?

Oh and by the way, that's 3 years ago today since you last had a bet, so huge congratulations!  I'm only 5 days ahead of you and lets hope it stays like that.

All the best

PA

 
Posted : 14th November 2019 4:12 pm
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