Hello all!
I have been a compulsive gambler for 13 years on and off. I dread to think about how much money I have thrown down the drain to this horrible illness but it's time to stop looking back and chasing losses. I was actually in my longest "clean" period when I gambled this year and I spent thousands of pounds, a lot of which was my partners.... At the time I saw it as "borrowing" because I was going to win even more and pay him back with interest. But that is not what it was of course, I stole his money and I've got a lot of making up to do when I'm in a better position to do so! Right now I'm up to my eyes in payday loans, I'm avoiding even opening the letters that are coming through the door.
I went to my first GA meeting on Sunday which was really helpful and I wish I'd done it sooner. I am also starting remote sessions with a therapist to really get a hold on this! I'm on Gamblock right now, I have also handed my bank card over to my partner and deleted bank details off my laptop removed link
Today is 7 days clean, hopefully, the first week of the rest of my life.
Hi, really good start to gamble free life. Like you I ended up using my husband's savings in the twisted delusion of going to win it back and more !! I won 5k....did I put it back or did I gamble it ? You don't get a prize for guessing as for a compulsive gambler there is only one answer. Keep your blocks strong they are the cornerstone to recovery, you will get tough days and on those days you will be grateful for your blocks but also talk about those tough days GA, post on here gain the help of others who know how you feel. I'm 2 years gamble free next month....2 years !! I never thought I could do it, when I came here I was broken,desperate. I read I listened I tried everything that people who had succeeded suggested. It worked, I'm happy,settled...enjoying life. Am I cured?....no...I'm in recovery. I will never take away my blocks, why put temptation in my way. One day at a time, like me.. for you those days will mount up. Be kind to yourself, you can do this
Thank you for the support, 2 years is amazing, I bet your life has changed so much for the better!
What shocked me quite a bit about the GA meeting was there were so many people there who have not gambled for years (some over 10) but they still go to the meetings every single week. I guess we have to live differently from other people, possibly forever, but it will be worth it to be gamble free.
Look up stepchange for debt management. Open every payday loan letter you have and write them a letter telling them clearly that you have a gambling problem and right now you can not pay them but that you intentions are to pay them. Ask for a payment plan if possible.
Reason for this is that you need to get through it. However hard it feels you will feel better for grabbing the problem by the horns.
Remember that fear really only means future events appearing real. Nothing has happened yet.
Take charge make plans and get going. You will reach small goals and they will in turn become bígger goals with time.
You can do it!
I wish you well.
C
Thank you for the advice and encouragement, I will definitely do those things. I know I will feel so much better once I have a plan in place for my debt.
Today marks 8 days GF, no urges today although it helps that I am broke AF! haha.
I had my first online therapy session today, it was emotional but I felt that a weight had been lifted afterwards!
Hi Laura
8 days gambling free well done.
Keep up the good healthy work.
Many people walked in to the recovery program well adn trully beyond broke.
There are not very many people who walk in to the recovery program with their pockets full of money.
I have never had in my life an online therapy session.
Good for you.
If it works keep at it.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
Thanks for the support Dave!
11 days GF today.
Today, me and my partner have gone over my finances, I have listed every single debt that I am in on paper and it feels good to get that out there. Tomorrow is another GA meeting.
Hi Laura
Thank you for your honesty and your sharing with every one.
Because I was emotionally vulnerable and filled with pain and fears I use to shut people out.
Well done 11 days gambling free today.
You are catching up with me.
That was very healthy sharing your self with your partner have gone over your finances, that helps openeng up with your family.
The less secrets the less fears.
And also this lead to intimacy at every level.
You haveing listed every single debt reduces your fears.
The funny thing in recovery is step four that is often the hardest one for people to face.
Yes the reason I had great fears over being honest was as a child when ever I was asked to be honest I was punished for it.
In later life I thought that honesty was painful, not so it is fear reducing.
Yes it feels good to get that out there with less fear in you..
Tomorrow is another GA meeting find the best meeting for you.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
.
Today marks 13 days GF.... No urges
GA yesterday was good, my partner came along with me and I think that helped him a lot too. He is in complete control of my finances now. Next on the "to do" list is to contact the companies I am in debt to and try to get some payment plans set up.
15 days GF but my financial situation is still diabolical and I know when I start having more money in my bank again, that is when I should start to worry. Although my partner has my bank card, I know I need to put more blocks in place because a compulsive gambler will always find a way!
17 days GF. No urges to gamble but I find that I am struggling with the fact I have no control over finances anymore. It is hard to not buy whatever I want, I'm going to London next week and wanted to buy a new dress for the theatre. I had to clear it with the boyfriend and he wouldn't let me do it until he got home from work. This resulted in a big argument... I guess that I was trying to push boundaries but not to gamble!
Hi
Well done on 17 days Gambling Free thtat is a very healthy goal.
Keep going and find healing and peace in yout self.
You have no control over finances anymore, that is simple I could not trust my self with money.
In time once I valued myself and my money I could be trusted once more.
Buying a new dress for the theatre sounds like you are rewarding your self for being healthy.
To clear it with your boyfriend sounds like you are working things out slowly.
He wouldn’t let you do it until he got home from work that sounds reasonable.
He was asking for you to wait, that sounds like patience.
Any thing healthy about having a big argument.
Can we become healthy by being comfrontational.
I guess that I was trying to push boundaries but not to gamble!
Has it helped both of you in getting resolve.
By being comfrontational did it adversely your feelings towards your dress.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
You are completely right Dave. I guess it's just a big change to get used to, I need to learn to be patient and understand this is all for my own good. The next GA meeting is in an hour, looking forward to it. I have been having gambling dreams lately, I wake up and can't believe I've done it again and then I realise it was all a dream! Quite scary because I am not having urges in daily life.
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