Last chance to make a change

Hi Jane

Happy day 85 (Snap)

Gambling consumes you and you do things out of character, I remember once sitting on the sofa with the laptop turned so only I could see sound down and spinning away, my daughter on the other end of the sofa. I am even shaking my head as I think and recall about it now, shameful. I would urge her to go to bed so I could have another session at the zero section, the rhinos, the slippers or my favourite movie slots. I dont want to ever be that hypnotised fool again. Stay Strong, stay GF.

Yes, still going strong.

All the best.

Just putting this post out to my old forum buddies from "Your Story" on Rethink Gambling....If Kate, Nik, Mat, Duncan or any of the regulars can see this post....come on over to Gamcare and say hi. It's Jane. I would love to know how you are all doing. Andy is here too. Hope you are all doing well and that you remain gamble free. Soon be Christmas! Best wishes to you all.

Jane, i'd love to know how Kate and especially Mat are doing. From what I remember before rethink shut down, mat seemed like he was in a very bad place, hope he see our posts here and joins gamcare.

Good day yesterday, no urges, let's have the same today shall we.

All the best Jane and everyone

Well well well.............

What about me Andy? Haven't you missed me? Hahahahhaha

Hello Jane! WOW Jane you would be up to day 98 or something like that right? Fancy me turning up just for your 100 day party? What a fluke i found you guys! I actually had deleted my email address to rethink (which takes 90 days) and I had a feeling Joanne may have emailed me? So I logged back on and nope she didn't. I sent her a quick email to see how her gambling was going just before. We had wished each other well and said our goodbye's very early about 1 week after rethink shut. How exciting to find you guys here! So your probably wondering what good old Loser has been doing? Well I managed to get all the documentation to lift my ban from the casino, I had to see counsellor's for weeks and weeks! I have had the documentation for nearly 2 weeks now and haven't even sent it in. WHY? because I haven't been back to the casino nor any pokie venue since 2nd Oct. I am not even counting days anymore. How did I do this? I am heavily invested in the stock market now, it's almost like a hobby for me and I am facinated with it. It has kept me so occupied I dont even think of the casino or pokie venues. Sure here and there I think it would be nice to go play the pokies but why lose $1000 on the pokies when I can win that on the stock market in a few days / weeks. I knew all I needed was a hobby and I have found one. In saying that ther stock market can be very dangerous and very easy to lose thousands but I have a limit on what I am willing to invest into it. Things have been good with me health wise and pumping at the gym I am looking quite handsome these days HAHAHAHA Great to see you guys again dont know how often I will be on here but thought I'd say hello!

109 days without the mental suffering of gambling.

117

I want to put a shout out to anybody who remembers me from the gambling addiction website, Rethink Gambling, Your Story. 

It's Jane. I posted regularly on the site and made some very good friends. I wanted to let you know that I still think about you all and worry how you are all getting along.

I can give you my good news!!! I am up to 546 days!!!! I still have not gambled since the 9th of May 2018. I can't believe it. I really can't. Something inside me just changed. I switched focus, I got my head together and I just went for it. 

The most amazing thing is, I still think about gambling, not every day, but most days and I still managed to keep going. Stopping gambling didn't remove my desire to gamble as such, but it did remove that dangerous impulse to bet. I still want to place bets but I choose not to. Isn't that amazing!!! I have a choice again!

I want to say a big thank you to everyone who helped me and of whom I got to know. Your words and wisdom still echo in my head and I only hope all of you are doing as well as I am.

The debt is almost halved and I will be able to be free from debt in the next year. I am feeding the debt like I used to feed those machines, just like Loser said.

I am mindful as hell. Mindfulness has just about saved my life. I am happy again because I am free to be myself again....now I know what Duncan was on about all that time.....'Now I'm free' he used to say. Well Duncan, now I 'm free too!

Really hope Kate is still doing great, I know she will, and Loser and all his harsh but wise words, always kicking me up the b**t! Thanks to Mat too. I think I worry about Mat the most. Such a kind and gentle soul. I really hope you are okay Mat and I hope you are free from all that stomach trouble. Andy, I hope you managed to leave this life behind. It isn't easy but it is the best thing I ever did.

and Nik, hope you are still in your tower writing books! 

Best of luck to all of you, and anyone I have not mentioned. I worry about all of you and I wish you all the best. 

If you are still struggling, keep trying. I tried, I failed, I tried and failed some more and I may fail again. If I do, I will keep trying. It's not over by a long shot, but I am happy with my success so far and now that I know what life can be like again, I am not going to want to let it go in a hurry. I did put up a hell of a fight. At least my stubbornness is good for something! 

Still, it's management for life, so all my GamStop stuff and exclusions are staying put. I am just going to keep going and see where this takes me. 

I already have a new job and make more money, I am feeling well and am full of hope. 

I would love to hear from you all, so if you see this, drop me a line. I am not going to post here regularly, I just really wanted an update from the gang.

All the best to all of you.

Hi Lost and Found,

Great to read your inspirational post and glad you are doing so well. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing here.

Forum admin

Hi Jane, 

Duncan here from the Rethink days. Absolutely thrilled to read the progress that you've made! Keep up the good work and enjoy the life of a non-gambler!

Happy to report that I'm still a non gambler. I don't count the days anymore but i know that my 4 year anniversary is just around the corner. I  do not take things for granted though and continue to educate myself on the addiction. 

I will always remember and appreciate the advice you offered on Rethink. You were the first person to respond to me and i am still grateful to you for that. I was approximately 9 months into my recovery when i posted on Rethink for the first time and can still remember the feelings of vulnerability which made me post. The feelings of vulnerability have subsided massively and I'm proud of the progress that I've made. I've also confided in my wife (after approximately 2 years as a non gambler) which was a massive weight off my shoulders. She was annoyed at me not being open with her from the outset but she was glad I told her and was impressed with the progress i made.

It's a shame that the Rethink forum turned out the way it did. The forum comprised a pretty simple format and it helped me massively. Joanne was narcissistic and clearly jealous of the praise you received from other posters. I certainly don't miss that aspect of Rethink! In saying that, I hope she's made progress in her recovery.

Anyway, all the best and here's to a gamble free 2020.

Duncan 

Duncan, what an absolute delight to hear you are doing so well. You were inspirational on the forum. You came in and shown us all that leaving this life behind was possible and it made a huge difference to have someone giving advice that was so far from his last bet. Look at you now.....even further! 4 years is wonderful. Of course you are proud. You have done what so many struggle to do. It's a long and difficult journey, but once you get there, all other destinations are possible and you can take your life in whatever direction you want to.

I can perfectly understand why it took you so long to confide in those you love. Even though you had already left the life behind and committed to change, it is still not something we tend to be proud of because of course, we wish it never happened in the first place. I often used to say that the one thing I did that I was most proud of, never should have happened in the first place and I would question why I should feel a sense of pride in leaving it behind. These inner thoughts used to torment me, constantly trying to beat me down and make me feel dysfunctional. Now, I have made peace with it all and I remain glad that addiction happened to me. It took my life away but it also gave it me back, and now I am stronger, happier, better than before. I feel that such a horrific ordeal over all those years, tempered and galvanised me and I came out the other side changed and evolved and so much more prepared for this world than I was before. 

Looking back, although I am not proud of my actions, choosing to leave this life behind and make a better one for myself and for my family, remains one of my greatest and most treasured achievements. I talk openly with my immediate family, but still would not discuss matters with external family members, because they are old school and would not be able to understand. Plus, they might actually want that money back they lent me if they knew where it went!! 🙂

Yes, I know what you mean about the vulnerability. It's only now that I actually feel able and confident to say that I am doing well, and mean it. I was so afraid to even admit to myself that I was doing good because I always felt exposed, fragile and on eggshells with worry. I always felt that relapse was only around the corner, and no matter how far I went, I couldn't seem to let go of that foreboding feeling of never knowing what you were going to do next. Online gambling made my home a prison. It took my sanctuary and safe place and made it a place of torment and regret. It was everywhere and only ever seconds away.....I only ever used to feel safe in bed at night and I knew I needed to let that go and learn to accept the change. Once I did, it freed me up to live in the moment and not chained to my mistakes. 

I am pleased to say that that's all changed now. I have my feet firmly on the ground and have kicked out the eggshells from underneath me. I AM doing well and AM pleased with myself. I am no longer counting the days but have just worked it out to tell you that I am now 622 days GF.

It took me a while to see your post because I find this site very tricky to get around and am not subscribed to notifications because there would just be too many on a huge platform like this and I am at the stage now where it is important for me to be also focus on new ventures in my own life. I will always be grateful for sites like these and for Rethink as it was so important to connect with people like yourself. They were the darkest of times, and talking to other people really let the light in and helped me see my way. Your words of wisdom and those of others on the forum, will always remain with me. I think I used to refer to you as 'Duncan The Wise'!

Rethink was so linear and simplistic and I honestly don't get the structure of this site at all. I only drop in now and then to keep the message clear in my head and remain grounded. I don't spend too much time in here but post from time to time when a post really speaks to me. It is important to me now, to keep focused on where I am headed and not dwell too much on where I have been. Like you, I will remain mindful of this addiction so that it will never creep up on me again. I wear the scars with pride and remain grateful for the opportunity to endure and overcome. 

I sincerely hope the others are doing well and remain hopeful that they will swing by with good news from their end too. I worry about Matt the most but I felt the need to protect and care for all of you and I think in doing so, I finally learnt how to leave this behind for myself.

So many warm wishes for the future.

Jane

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your message on my diary which is much appreciated.

You’re messages on your diary are fabulous. Over 620 days is a tremendous achievement and you should be so proud of yourself. I love to read this type of message. Determination and the ability to learn about our addiction and resilience to work through it towards a better life. Its great and its what I want and I’m trying everyday to take something from each day and to recognise the improvements. Keep posting I’d love to learn more about your journey and your successes.

RR

645 days without a bet. Will be 2 years GF in May. Going to do something nice with the family to mark the occasion and also by way of thanking them for their continued support and forgiveness. My past seems really foreign to me now. It's like looking in on the lives of other people. I cannot really relate to my behaviour, but at the time, it was what came natural to me. When I think about the sums of money that I would risk, it doesn't seem possible to me now. I was so out of touch with reality, anaesthetised and lost. I felt so much pain, but I also felt numb when it came to feeling joy. Pain was all I knew. I felt like I almost deserved it. It got to the point where I didn't feel anything at all. I couldn't even hurt after a loss. I just felt like I wasn't here at all. I had shut down.

I feel like a million miles away from that now, but I am always aware that the beast still sleeps within me. I know I am not cured, I am just keeping a lid on it as Rambo would say. Every day without gambling is a blessing I will never take for granted. I worked hard to be here and I have earned the peace I have today.

It's funny that we refer to it as 'giving up gambling', like it's something we enjoy......I think in the early days, we all thought it was fun and exciting, until reality sets in and you realise you have lost such a huge part of yourself along the way. The best part about being free is just having myself back again. I am comfortable in my own company again. I am not afraid of what I am capable of. I can exist again and I can look in the mirror without disgust at what I had become.

Gambling will let go of you so long as you let it go first. If you want this horrendous cycle to stop, you have to stop pedalling, so do something amazing today. 

Call me cynical, but I don't think the gambling industry have found their conscience by donating the profits of today's Grand National virtual race to the NHS. It was only back in January that the NHS pressed the Betting and Gaming Council to ban credit cards and do more to protect people from the growing concern of gambling addiction in this country. It will come as no surprise that many, many people will want to be a part of this race to show their support for the NHS and the Gambling Industry know that. How many of those people betting will be new to gambling, opening up online accounts for the first time? How many will continue to use those accounts for decades into the future? This is making online gambling seem like it is something the nation does, something to be part of.....and a positive thing. 

I personally think this is a low move on their part. The gambling industry have already increased tv advertising to recruit more online gamblers to cover their losses due to the lack of sports bets. They know that many people will be bored, out of work, depressed etc. They know also that due to the lockdown, many will be short of money, looking for ways to make ends meet. It makes me angry to think that at a time like this all the industry can think about is finding new ways to make more people into habitual gamblers. 

....and this latest stunt is nothing more than that in my opinion. There are better ways to show your support and donate directly to the NHS. It seems completely in contradiction to the plea from the NHS for the BGC to do more to stop gambling and I doubt very much that the gambling industry has the NHS at heart with this.