Last Chance

134 days

Blimey! I haven’t been able to sign in for ages. I’m now 157 days gamble free now. This is the longest I haven’t gambled, bought a lottery ticket, anything, for the last 10 years.

I still feel shocked at what I did and losing all that money, but I really feel different now. I don’t want to deprive my daughter experiences that she deserves because I’ve been selfish and gambled. She deserves so much more and I do not want to put my family in this situation again. Next goal, 175 days.

Dear Jez89,

Well done for the 157 days. It sounds that you have started noticing and appreciating the changes in yourself and life now that gambling is not there. Stay focuses and motivated

Kind regards

Forum admin

I’ve reached 177 days, I was meant to put a message on Thursday when I reached 175 but work/life has got in the way.

Things are going well, Christmas is coming up and it’s nice when events come up where there is money off, that we have money available to get some gifts. It’s going to be nice this year that I won’t be sitting at the dinner table at Christmas, trying to work out how to get my bets on for boxing days football and horse racing. I would literally want to have an hour to be able to get my bets on and get annoyed when I’d get disturbed and be asked what I was doing constantly. How rude I probably seemed that I was transfixed to my phone, tapping away. Not this year though. I won’t be frantically trying to keep up to date with the result of each race every 5 minutes on Boxing Day and I’ll actually be ok afterwards as I won’t have lost anything and won’t be thinking of ways to get my money back over the next few days.

This Christmas will be different, I’ve got a nice bit of time off and with it being our first child’s first Christmas, I intend to be focused on her and my wife. I can’t wait and I’m glad that I’ve finally given up gambling properly this time. I couldn’t carry on the way I was going.

Next goal 200 days

188 days. Genuinely happy watching football now without thinking about betting. Great win for Manchester United and I thoroughly enjoyed it

The big 200, real progress has been made since me attempting to give up before. Zero gambling has been committed. I’m thinking a lot more clearer and putting more effort into other aspects of my life, ie being a good dad and husband, work etc. I’m looking forward to Christmas as I have a bit of time over the Christmas period which is bonus. Next stop 225 days

You’ve done really well Jez. Read your first post and that’s where I am now. Day 16 for me.

Keep at it mate, it’s worthwhile in the long run. It’s sad that you won’t get that excitement of gambling anymore (if you get what I mean - as you realise you cannot gambling sensibly like how other people can and get that buzz), but then you come to realise the energy you put into gambling, ends up going into other places, ie work, family etc which are a lot more rewarding. You soon start noticing the difference and realise how much energy was wasted on something that doesn’t really give you anything back in the long run, other than debt, destruction and wasted time, of course

215 days, its nearly Christmas, baby girl is growing fast and I’m pleased that I’m not in a gambling haze and instead enjoying every moment of watching her grow and develop.

233 days! Merry Christmas!

239 days, pleased to have had Christmas and not had any of it ruined by gambling. As said previously, I’m pleased I didn’t waste Christmas Day trying to secretly put my Boxing Day bets on. All in all, it was nice not to have all those worries and be relaxed with my family. I hope everyone else had the same feelings through not betting over the Christmas period

Well I’ve reached 253 days which is a great achievement. As much as the debt is still there and I can only really make a start on it now that we are both back to work, it feels good to not be gambling and for such a long period as well. Onwards and upwards. 275 days is the next goal.

Well I fell off the wagon on the 18th February. A lot things were happening where my Nan died, I was being bullied at work, which led to me resigning and I was diagnosed with bipolar.

In that time, I have been sectioned, looking for work, and generally feeling worthless, which is why I guess that I’ve turned back to gambling. I’ve had 2 significant losses, £500 and £350 and bits and bobs here and there.

It’s hard to know where to restart and rebuild really,

Jez

So here I am again. Luckily this time I haven’t gambled since the last time (April). That was a particularly messy time. Prior to then I had my biggest loss of £5k which was a massive wake up call. I genuinely felt like I would lose my wife and daughter and made a massive effort to not gamble again by putting blocks in place, handing everything over to my wife and so forth. 

However between February and April of this year, as mentioned previously, a few things happened that made me turn to gambling again. Luckily they weren’t life changing amounts that I lost but mentally speaking, I was in a bad place. I always felt that I had depression, but it never crossed my mind that I may be bipolar. I never looked up any information about bipolar but after being diagnosed, and sectioned for 16 days, it was like a real awakening regarding manic episodes that I had in the past.

It has been all about recovery these last few months and in a way, it has helped me understand reasons for why I have gambled. I’m not excusing my behaviour and dressing it up that I had bipolar, but it has made a lot of sense as to the choices I have made, consciously or unconsciously. When you are in a manic episode, you make reckless choices, ie gambling and then when the gambling has become so destructive, which it has in the past, the inevitable dressage phase would strike. 

The GamCare website has changed quite a bit since I’ve last posted, which has put me off for some reason, but I have continued to read other people’s stories. My wife has continued to control the money and I have a monzo card that she sends money too when I need something. This has worked very well. 

I also did the GamStop, I think that’s what it’s called, I signed up to it a while ago so I can’t access anything online. My debt has reduced from £4350 to £1700, which could never have been done if I was gambling, because even if I did win an ok amount, it would just go back and more, similar to everyone else’s story. But yeah, still a little way to go but in the right direction.

Hi Jez89

Welcome back to the forum

It sounds like you have a had an eventful year but that your diagnosis of Bipolar is now helping you understand the root cause of your gambling. Its to be commended that you picked yourself up after such a difficult time. 

Well done in your recovery, you are making very positive steps forward

Kind Regards 

Kay 

Admin Forum