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Just crying my eyes out  

 
Grints1981
(@grints1981)

Is this the start of something for me I do not know, I have been here before and tried to kick this so many times, every time I can make it about 7, the only time I go longer is if I do not have money, so I sit here after just blowing another silly amount on line, you know I have so much in my life a wife 3 kids amazing job yet I want to gamble everything away ......... My wife and dad both believe I have stopped after telling them both everything but no yet more lies, I will be amazed if I can even make it a day I have no control, I believe deep down I want to stop, I know if I do not stop now I WILLlose my family my job my house everything, slots was sorry is the worst then there is virtual horse well just about anything, I know this is not the place to talk about debt but yes I have a large debt and just dragging my wife with me, I just think to myself just to walk away and let her move on it would be better for her .......... So maybe I am at Rock bottom and the only way is up but if I do not stop I am sure this hole can get deeper, not even sure that I can get to sleep now without having another go !!!!!!! Why is it that when I have everything it does not seem enough ??? I really can not see a way out of this

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Posted : 28th November 2014 11:39 pm
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

Duplicate post

Duncs stepping forward never back

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Posted : 29th November 2014 8:05 am
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

Grints

welcome to the forum.

A place full of like minded folk who all share the same aim,to arrest the destruction of their gambling.

You have taken a step,the first step,to admit that your gambling is beyond your control,that you need help.

You are at a fork in the road so to speak,it is now whether you choose to continue to gamble and yes lose everything or embrace recovery.

There is a wealth of help out there,but the bottom line is you have to want to take it more than you want to place that next bet,use all the things available,get some free counselling,see your gp,go find a ga meeting,use the forum to build a resolve to arrest that next punt.

the doors of recovery revolve,it does not matter how many times we walk through the doors it is what we learn each time we do.

Lastly my advice the advice that got me to see what recovery gifts,I was gifted it on my first day and it still works today

There is a triangle Time-Money-Location

take one away and the possibility to gamble is taken away,you gift yourself a chance to let the rational brain take control.

Self exclude,get some blocking software,give the control of your funds to the wife.

For me honesty is the biggest thing to take from a life without gambling,that comes today with you being honest with yourself.

I hope you give recovery a real chance,I myself gambled to the point where I set off to gift my life to my family,a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.

be kind to yourself

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

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Posted : 29th November 2014 8:05 am
Grints1981
(@grints1981)

Thank you for your words and yes I will listen to your words and the part that stands out and made me think was "There is a triangle Time-Money-Location" I think that I will start with the money part, as I will always have the time but with the money I think I have a way forward with thank

so here is day one and yes I feel really rubbish this morning

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Posted : 29th November 2014 9:27 am
J24
 J24
(@j24)

Hi Grints,

Today is day one but remember it will end. If there's one thing you can be sure of in life it's that the world will keep turning. My advice is stay busy. Do anything that will fill your time up...I saw the bottom of my ironing basket for the first time in years a couple of weeks ago!

If you can't find things to do, start reading. Start reading the hundreds of diaries that are here. There are so many people fighting this, you aren't on your own. Use other people's experiences, other people's advice, it's helped me massively since I joined the site. The one thing I have learned is that things can change if you want them to. You can change if you really want to. It's never too late to start climbing back out the hole we dug for ourselves. Be kind to yourself today, and just take it an hour at a time. Those hours will make a day before you know it.

Take care
Jess

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Posted : 29th November 2014 12:03 pm
Grints1981
(@grints1981)

So day 2 really as I started this post after having a gambling session so far so good, but then a weekend was never my issue, I will always try and be honest here (being honest would be a new thing) I know the start is to stay strong and for now I will use the picture of my kids on Xmas day with so many gifts if I stay free

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Posted : 30th November 2014 10:34 am
Rst2019
(@rst2019)

Well done grints for coming on here, you are in the right place. That image of having your kids with lots of presents on Christmas day should be something that you think about every day, one step at a time.

Ask yourself why you gamble, if it is to get out debt trust me you won't do it. I realised that finally after 2 years of chasing.

Work out what your life would be like in a year's time if you didn't gamble another penny. It would be good right? So the simple answer is don't give in no matter how many urges you get, they will pass over time and if you keep busy.

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Posted : 30th November 2014 3:16 pm
Rob1234
(@rob1234)

Hi Grint. I've been here 5 days, probably have checked the site about 10 times a day since and have found that keeping a diary on here is a fantastic way of writing down my honest thoughts about my recovery from gambling.

My last post on my diary sums up what I must remember. The value of money. This is something that we only choose to recognize when we have blown hundreds and thousands to feed our addiction. And then we forget the value of money when we have more to throw away. I'm trying to re teach myself the value of money. Slowly but surely I will get there and so can you. We all can. Stay positive. There was a time when you didn't have this addiction and you can get back to that place. Look forward to reading about your progress.

Rob

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Posted : 30th November 2014 4:11 pm
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