OK, so this will be my first day of being gamble free. Let's hope it continues and I will update my diary once/twice a week to keep me focused.
Congrats on taking the first step. Once you start it is hard to stop, so if you can just manage not to place that first bet, you will be safe.
Hi
Welcome to the recovery program.
I do hope you every success in your recovery.
It took me a long to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
It changes how you feel about your self.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
Well that’s 5 days without gambling. I’m not sure if i would of made it if I had money in my bank. There is a little sense of achievement but a long way to go. Let’s make it to next Sunday ….
Day 13, no gambling. Lots of guilt and some urges still though.
Overdraft balance is around £1400.
2nd appointment on Thursday for professional help.
Hi Jimmy
I am pleased that you are 13 days clean of self abuse and having to lie.
The guilt which was pains I use to feel was due to the fact I have a healthy conscience.
Yet I felt that I could not stop myself from gambling.
My addictions and obsessions indicated to me that I had certain emotional triggers,.
My addictions and obsessions indicated to me that I was emotionally vulnerable.
For me recovery program was all about healing the pains in me.
When would I understand the gambling was a way of me escaping in my fears when I could not cope.
The highs or the buzz we often refer to were not happiness but were adrenaline highs.
The bigger the fears and risks the bigger the highs.
The pains in my life caused fears in me that I could not cope with or understand.
For me recovery program was all about healing the pains and facing and reducing my fears.
High levels of fears caused me to lie and higher the fears were it was easy to go in to panic mode quickly.
By sticking with like minded healthy people I find over time pains heal but fears lower and my trust grows.
I to have had counselling 11 times in over 50 years and am now considering get another session for emotional trauma during the night.
For me counselling worked better when my fears were drastically reduced.
I do hope you are able to heal your pains and reduce your fears it is a much healthier path in your life.
Love and peace
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
For me guilt shame and regret indicates that we were very unhealthy in not only hurting our self and also hurting others.
In my recovery living in the pains of our past was not healthy for me or all other people.
The ideal situation is to learn from our past not live in it.
Beating our self and calling our self names is not helping our recovery.
Will giving back money lost or stolen heal their pains or your pains.
I am not able to heal my pains all the time I am causing myself further pains.
I understand that I can only heal my pains I am not able to heal other peoples pains.
Eventually when I heal my pains I will have empathy for myself and others.
I now understand my fear of being honest came from my child hood when ever I was asked to be honest I would be punished.
So every pain caused fears in me.
In the recovery program no matter how many times I went back to gambling no one hurt me, I hurt myself.
So if I can not heal their pains then why live in my pains continuously.
The point of an apology is not about the money.
It was the fact that I betrayed people trust, giving them money back would not their pains.
So the serenity prayer helps us understand to accept those things we can not change.
I can not take back my lies.
Once I am getting healthy he point of an apology is build bridges over damaged relationships.
When I Learn to trust to myself then I can be more honest.
When I Learn to respect myself only then can I respect other people.
When I Learn to love myself only then can I love other people.
When I Learn to be patient and tolerant to myself only then can I be patient and tolerant to other people.
When I Learn to forgive myself only then can I forgive other people.
Love and peace
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
For me guilt shame and regret indicates that we were very unhealthy in not only hurting our self and also hurting others.
In my recovery living in the pains of our past was not healthy for me or all other people.
The ideal situation is to learn from our past not live in it.
Beating our self and calling our self names is not helping our recovery.
Will giving back money lost or stolen heal their pains or your pains.
I am not able to heal my pains all the time I am causing myself further pains.
I understand that I can only heal my pains I am not able to heal other peoples pains.
Eventually when I heal my pains I will have empathy for myself and others.
I now understand my fear of being honest came from my child hood when ever I was asked to be honest I would be punished.
So every pain caused fears in me.
In the recovery program no matter how many times I went back to gambling no one hurt me, I hurt myself.
So if I can not heal their pains then why live in my pains continuously.
The point of an apology is not about the money.
It was the fact that I betrayed people trust, giving them money back would not their pains.
So the serenity prayer helps us understand to accept those things we can not change.
I can not take back my lies.
Once I am getting healthy he point of an apology is build bridges over damaged relationships.
When I Learn to trust to myself then I can be more honest.
When I Learn to respect myself only then can I respect other people.
When I Learn to love myself only then can I love other people.
When I Learn to be patient and tolerant to myself only then can I be patient and tolerant to other people.
When I Learn to forgive myself only then can I forgive other people.
Love and peace
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Day 20. Saturday was hard with the football back but go through it.
That’s 34 days gamble free. Seems to be getting easier.
still in over draft
47 GF. Today was closest I have come to putting on a bet but didn’t go through with it. Still in overdraft
Hi @jimmy84
Well done for not gambling today, despite feeling tempted. You're doing well.
Best wishes,
Susan
Forum admin
Hi
47 Gambling Free and living with less pain in your life today.
Today you were very much tested and you got through it.
The overdraft will be resoved in your time.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Relapsed!
Why do I do it to myself! I was doing so well and lost concentration and gave in to temptation
Same old cycle with a built up of wins and then getting greedy. Eventually lost and chased the losses.
I am now back to square one which I hate myself for and now my over draft has got even worse.
I guess today is back to start counting as day one of being gamble free.
Here we go again ?
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