I am a compulsive gambler. I bet online. I bet on football and golf but my biggest losses are with roulette. I lose more when I've had a few drinks. Its all about the thrill. The anticipation of the ball landing on my numbers. Then the stakes get increased for a bigger thrill. Then I sober up and that horrible gut wrenching feeling washes over me . I'm actually terrified to check my phone to see how much I've gambled. The feeling of shame and despair is there once more. I installed blockers on my phone. The lap top was to be hidden by my partner but I found it. It gets well hidden now. Then one night I used my partners phone to gamble. I didn't realise how sneaky I could be. So all blocks were in place again. Then I got a new phone and decided after a couple of drinks that I could have a wee gamble before downloading my blockers. Well you can guess the rest. That was 2 nights ago. I've still got the gut wrenching feeling in my stomach for what I've done. I've let myself and my partner down. I've lost a lot of money . I'm crying as I type this. I loathe myself at the moment. I know I have a serious problem and I need help. Its been good to read other people's diaries and to know I'm not alone and there is plenty of support here. So the new journey starts here for me and I'll take any advice that's offered.
Jill
Hi Jill, and welcome.
First step in your recovery is admitting to yourself that this gambling as a hold and is no longer fun and is destroying your life.
You need to put all blocks in place aswell as with your bank to block the transactions to gambling sites.
If your partner is committed to helping you I would advise blocking his name also so you can't gamble on his devices and under his name and email addresses ect.
The forums really help massively and so does chat. Please pop along 1pm and 8pm although 8pm does see more people there. The support and advice you will get in the in second to none. So friendly and helpful bunch.
Dear Jill,
Sorry to hear about how you are feeling right now. You have taken a huge step coming on here to share your story. I’m sure your post will be met with support and encouragement.
Glad you have found reading other people’s diaries helpful and it has been a reminder that you are not alone in all of this.
I would encourage you to call the helpline and talk things through with one of our advisers. Our helpline is open 24 hours a day and you can contact us on 0808 820 133 or Livechat. They will be able to offer you support and some practical advice with everything you have going on right now. They would even be able to refer you for some free one to one treatment if you feel this would be useful for you.
Best wishes,
Vanessa
Forum Admin
Hi Jill
Like myself, you have absolutely done the right thing in admitting you have a serious problem and you want help for it. I've been gambling for over 15 years, I've had some of the worst nights and worst losses imaginable. However since I put myself on gamstop, I haven't gambled at all for 1 month and 4 days now. It's only been a short amount of time but in myself I have never felt so much better in myself for doing so. You can do the same because if I can and I'm the worst of the worst trust me you can take those first steps and start feeling good about yourself. I tell my partner whenever I have sudden urges, and she brings me back to centre. She won't let me use any of her accounts at all and shes very understanding when I talk to her. Talk and open up to your partner more, tell him about your daily struggles and urges and ask him to be understanding and supportive. Also, I've been doing CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) through gamstop once every week now for the past 4 weeks and it has massively helped in the recovery process. Feel free to reach out to me anytime for a chat, we are all here to support eachother through these difficult times.
Jeff
To start with you need to go completely cold turkey for 30 days
No alcohol , no smoking ,no drugs , no gambling
If you can cut junk / highly processed foods out too then that would be good too
After 30 days of living like this your mind and body should start to become clearer more easy to understand your thoughts and emotions
The money / debt will need to be sorted out later down the line at the moment you just need to break the perpetuating cycle of addictive behaviours
This is just advice to shock you out of compulsion..... its not a quick fix and the reality is you have a long journey ahead of you to freedom but it will be worth it
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I have read all your messages a few times and taking everything onboard. I will definitely join in the chat sessions. I'm still feeling pretty down but not as bad as yesterday. Knowing there is lots of support on here has definitely helped me. Thanks again. It means so much.
Jill
Totally agree !
Day 7 gambling free. The advice and support I have received on here has been amazing. I log on first thing every morning and read people's stories. I can relate to so many. The biggest thing is that I no longer feel alone. I feel like a part of a community and for the first time in a long while I can see light at the end of the long dark tunnel. My actions in gambling were ruining my life. I have to take responsibility for that and the first step was admitting I have a problem. I've told my wife and she has been very supportive albeit concerned about the money I've lost but says we will get through it together as long as I get help. I've told my sister who was totally surprised at the extent of my gambling. She likes a bet now and again so does my wife but the difference is they know when to stop . I don't. The fun stopped long ago for me and the addiction took over. ?. I will beat it though and will take any advice I can get.
Jill
Thank you Jeff. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me .
Jill
Thanks Jeff @solaris . 9 days gf for me. Have taken all advice and encouragement on board. First thing I do each day is log on to this site . Have joined in chat rooms. Put blockers in place. Contacted my bank to freeze gambling deposits. Long way to go but feeling a lot more positive than I did 9 days ago.
Jill
Day 24 gf. Ño inclination to gamble so far but still early days. Downloaded a book one of the other members recommended and its really interesting. Been watching the football. Its so much better watching it without a bet on. Before I was more interested in wether my bet was going to come in than the actual game .
Doing great jill can relate to much of what you say , lets keep going :).
Day 40 gf. Couldn't have done it without this site and all the support from other members. Thanks everyone . We are all in this together.
Wow congratulations on 40 days GF - I hope to be back up to 40 like you again soon. I was there once... and I slipped up recently, don't let it happen to you, that horrible feeling comes back again.
Stay strong, you can do it, and I hope to join you further down the road!
M
Day 58 gf. Had a couple of drinks tonight watching the footie. This would normally be the time the roulette wheel would be shouting on me and tomorrow I would wake up with the sick feeling of wondering how much I had lost. Tonight it won't happen. All the blocks are in place . Thanks to this site I have contacted my bank and put a block in place and 5 year block from gambling Web sites. To be honest I don't even feel the urge to gamble but I know I can't be complacent. I am a compulsive gambler but for 58 days I have beat this addiction. One day at at time .
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